RIP Oogley Googley

My children have just experienced their first pet death. We have had three gold fish since September and last night I noticed that the one that had bulging eyes looked white and was limp and caught in the filter. His cause of death is unknown but hey, it's a fish and I'm not doing an autopsy on the way to the toilet. My nonchalance attitude about Oogley Googley's demise was quite the opposite reaction that my children had.

The kids were brushing their teeth before bed and I informed Lynn as to the dead fish. She grabbed the net and scooped him into a container and we decided to let the kids say goodbye before flushing him away to his final watery grave.

"Jonathan and Gabriel" Lynn said as she walked into the bathroom with the corpse, "I have some bad news, Oogley Googley has died." (Try saying that with a straight face!!)

Immediately both kids started bawling and howling as if they were told I was dead or all of their Pokemon cards burned up in a freak fire. Tears streamed down their faces as they loudly lamented the news of his death. While I wasn't expecting them to be happy about the news, I was somewhat shocked about how hard they took it. Their wails were reminiscent of Muslim women at funerals in the middle east. They were bawling so loudly that it became comical to my wife and I and I even had to leave the room to laugh as Lynn hugged them close so she could smile without them seeing. I know that sounds insensitive but the complete overreaction was a sight to behold. It was just a fish after all.

Nevertheless, we consoled them as best as we could as toothpaste dribbled out of their crying mouths. Jonathan informed us that he may want to stay home the next day so he could grieve. I would've thought it was good angle shoot but his concern was genuine so I didn't answer him right away. They seemed fine this morning and they went to camp seemingly unaffected.

They expressed their wishes that if we were to get another fish that we would honor him and name him Oogley Googley II. Death hits us all differently. In some ways having fish is a good growth tool as children can learn about mortality without having true tragedy.

So, thanks for brightening our lives a little bit Oogley Googley, it was nice knowin' ya!

Oogley Googley
2007-2008
RIP

Who says smoking is bad for the environment?!

In some ways I'm embarrassed to show this picture but it's too funny to keep to myself.

Today is my son Gabriel's 7th birthday. He was out in the back yard playing with his friends and dinner time was approaching. Since it was his birthday I needed to ask him what he wanted to eat so he could choose his favorite. (He chose mac and cheese) I was in the bedroom at the time and we have a small upstairs patio that you can access thru a door from the bedroom. I opened the door and went onto the patio to ask Gabriel what he wanted. I haven't been out on this patio since I quit smoking (I would never smoke in the house). I guess I prefer my patio on the ground.

Now here's the embarrassing part. I used to dump my ash tray into a trash can that was on the patio. I guess since I haven't been on the patio in so long I've forgotten to empty the trash can which is filled about 2/5's of the way up with cigarette butts. Pretty gross, I know. I'm a slob, I admit it.

Just as I was about to shout down to Gabriel I noticed the trash can and a bird that made it's nest inside of it!! I can't tell if there's eggs in the nest of butts and twigs that the bird had made for itself, but I don't have the heart to chase the bird away.

Anyways, here's a picture that my wife took of the bird. You can click on it for a blown up view. I truly hope she doesn't get addicted to the butts.

The Easter Bunny has ulterior motives

As nerve racking being the tooth fairy can be, being Santa or the Easter Bunny has it's perks. The Easter Bunny is starting to develop a reputation in our house for bringing some candy that my kids don't really like but my wife and I do. What a stinker he is! How dare he bring jelly beans, Almond Joys and Cadbury creme eggs! He even had the audacity to leave Peeps last year, a candy that no one in the family likes with the exception of moi.

That is until I heard Gabriel utter the phrase yesterday that he now likes Peeps. I'm starting to wonder if the Easter Bunny should leave any Peeps and just let them sit in our garage and get stale since they taste better that way anyways. Peeps are better as they age and get a little chewiness to them and "bite". However, you cant let them age too long or else you have little ceramic like bunnies and chicks that look gaudy.

BTW- Has anyone else noticed that the Cadbury creme eggs are getting smaller? A little video snippet from the Conan O'Brien show seems to prove that we're right!!

Secret little moments of emotional wussiness

Last night I'm sitting my easy chair and I'm watching my wife and 2 kids interact with each other. I don't even really know what they were talking about but they were laughing and smiling at each other and my 6 year old son, Gabriel seem animated and hamming it up while the 9 year old, Jonathan tried in vain to get him to stop. Meanwhile my wife Lynn was doing her best to be attentive to both kids.

Then I started to get a lump in my throat and my eyes welled up a bit (not even from the pink eye) as I thought about how much I cared for all 3 of them. As soon as the moment hit me I regained my composure. I am a man after all. I can't show stupid little moments of emotional wussiness like that.

As a preteen, I was always an emotional wreck, I cried quite a lot and would dangle my Phillie Phanatic out the window with my Mork from Ork suspenders. I would imagine how sorry they'd all be if I was the one who went out the window. Eventually, I learned to control my sadness and crying fits. I clamped down so hard that I never cried again until the week before my mother died. (and I didn't cry at the funeral) I've maybe teared up a few times since, but never let the tears come streaming down my cheeks and had an outright bawling session. It's become a natural reflex for me to stop the tears if the urge to cry ever starts.

I suppose it's emotionally unhealthy to do this. I also suppose that I come off as being cold to the people around me. But, I do have those moments of emotional wussiness and as I age and as my family grows and I become ever more fond of them with each passing day I find these moments coming to bear more and more often. Sooner or later, I will be found out and outed as a fraud. I will savor the time when it does.

Rating the kid's shows part I, Introduction

I try to be a good parent. Not only do I try to limit the amount of screen time (TV, computer & video games) my 6 and 9 year old boys have, but I also occasionally watch the insipid dreck that they love so much to make sure it's age appropriate or not too violent. So, in the next few months I will be writing reviews of the shows my sons watch.

Admittedly, when I go back and re-watch the programming that I loved as a child I realize that I must have been an idiot. Do it yourself and you'll see what I'm talking about. You'll have to forgo the initial nostalgic feelings and watch with a critical eye. The Dukes of Hazzard is a show about hillbilly red-necks that think teasing local law enforcement is righteous. The Banana Splits were 4 women in horrible Disney World-like costumes that fell down alot and played inferior cartoons. After the first 5 initial episodes of Scooby Doo, originality was thrown out the window and the formula to this day has been used ad nauseum. For that matter, Hanna/Barbera was an industry that thrived on copying itself over and over. There were at least 2 Scooby Doo rip offs, including Clue Club. Jabber Jaw even went into outer space and it resembled Josie and the Pussy Cats.

I will forgive my past self as I did watch some quality programming in there somewhere. The Muppets were always a blast and good fun. School House Rock shorts may have been cheaply animated but the songs were catchy and educational and to this day I still know the preamble to the constitution as a result of the song. Despite the violence, Looney Tunes reruns are still top quality animation and some of the funniest stuff ever put on film. Chuck Jones and Jim Henson are 2 big childhood heroes of mine.

So as I watch my son's programs and critique them I will try to keep an open mind and hopefully remember what it was like to get riled up when Bruce Banner was getting angry and hulked up. I know most of what my kids watch is truly terrible, but as long as it isn't too rude, obnoxious or violent then I'll let them make their own choices and hope that as they get older, their tastes will be a bit more refined.

The Tooth Fairy has a thankless job.

You'd think I'd be an old pro by now. Between my 2 kids I have successfully collected about 9 teeth and replaced them with coinage. But, alas, it ain't easy being the Tooth Fairy.

Last night my son Gabriel had stuck his tooth under his pillow and awaited the Tooth Fairy. He informed me earlier that he was going to wait up late, so he could see the Fairy. Just great- it's bad enough that I feel tired at 9pm these days. I've turned into such a lame ass in my 30's. Gone are the days of staying up late and waking up at noon. It's a good thing 6 year olds get tired easily when there's no TV stimulus and he did fall asleep early enough. Problem was, that I had forgotten and was just about to fall asleep myself. Just as I was drifting off to sleep I remembered that I had to be a Fairy. (insert joke here) So, I stumbled down the steps in the dark and fetched quarters from the change bucket.

Santa has it easy- the kids go up in their rooms and eventually fall asleep, so it's not so difficult being quiet enough to place some presents under the tree. Sure, it can be a little challenging if you've had a few glasses of wine, but nonetheless, it's easy as pie and the payoff is glorious. Santa's name is exalted in the halls of schools, playgrounds and homes of many children. In contrast, the Tooth Fairy has to sneak into the bedroom (which my kids share, so I have double the chance of waking one), reach under a sleeping child's head, root around for a small tooth that's the size of a unpopped kernel of popcorn, and then replace it with a jangling, noisy sack of quarters. It gets your heart racing to say the least. I haven't been so nervous about getting caught since I had semi-public sex with my future wife outside and around the side of her parent's house one night before we lived in our own apartment. So, not only is the act of fooling your kids into believing in a magical tooth collecting elf a hard thing to do the gratitude isn't really all that much either. Gabe had a brief moment of excitement, he then placed his 2 bucks of coins in his piggy bank and proceeded to ask what was for breakfast.

Aside from almost forgetting to do my Fairy duties, last night wasn't so bad and things went smoothly. A year ago, my older son, Jonathan, had his hand under his pillow clutching the tooth. I was amazed that I didn't wake him up prying his incisor out of his closed fist. Jump ahead to last week-Gabe informed Jonathan of his loose tooth and they started to talk about the Tooth Fairy- Jonathan informed him that "sometimes the Tooth Fairy is disguised as someone you love."

Guess I wasn't as furtive as I had previously thought. Thank goodness for self-denial!