Speaking of Magic Hats...

Talking about Magic Hat beer reminds me of the days back in college when me and my housemates would attempt to get liquor and beer for our parties. It's not the beer that's reminding me of this story either, it's the name itself, "Magic Hat". It's a moniker that me and a few of my friends came up with for an old ivy wool cap that seemed to fool people into thinking that you were 21 or older.

Most of us at that time were only 19 or 20 years old, so obtaining any amount of beer or liquor required an older friend which wasn't always available at the time. We had heard through the grapevine that there was a liquor store owned by a Korean man in Greenbelt, MD that would sell liquor to college students without asking for ID. So, we all piled into the car and headed to the liquor store. Once there, we decided that only one of us should go in and attempt to get some cases of beer. (and we usually bought some nasty swill like Milwaukee's Best aka "The Beast" because it was like $11.25 a case or some absurdly low price.) We all agreed that Gene looked the oldest of us, but in hindsight, I think Gene had a rather boyish face. We dressed Gene as old as we thought we could make him look. After dressing him in an argyle sweater and slacks, we topped him off with an old woolen ivy cap (see above). Gene came out of the liquor store 10 minutes later with the booty and we all rejoiced. Later that night, we celebrated this wonderful miracle by getting shit-faced drunk. It was a good thing we now had some swill and cheap vodka.

Later that week, I took my roommate, Jeff, with me to the same liquor store. Feeling confident that I needed no ID to get beer, I marched into the store with no costume to make myself look older. At this point I just figured that the owner had no morals when it came to under-aged drinking and just wanted to make some money, so I thought I'd have no problem.

Think again, Brian.

The old Korean man immediately asked for some ID after I put a few cases of the "good stuff" (MGD) on the counter. I told him that I had left it in the car and would be right back. I ran out like the scared wuss that I am. When I got back to the car, Jeff decided he would take a chance and give it a try himself. The hat that Gene had worn was still in the back seat, so I told him to put it on in the hopes it would make him look older.

Even though Jeff was a year younger than me and looked it- Jeff came out with the case of MGD, it's gold label shimmered in the setting sun.

It was truly a thing of beauty.

It had also made us realize that we were in possession of a magic hat. Much like the glasses that Superman wore to become Clark Kent, the magic hat blinded people's ability to judge someone's true age. We had to use the hat wisely and not succumb to it's lure of power and not abuse its wondrous abilities. Lest you think that it was me that the Korean liquor store owner would not serve, I went into the store a week later with the hat on and had no problems.

The hat itself was actually my friend's, Gary, hat. He liked to wear strange and vintage style things like that and I think he may have worn the hat himself 3 times tops. It was just his style to do something like that. He had no problems letting us use the hat and after he left Maryland to go to Rutger's University, he left behind the hat, either because he forgot to take it or just didn't care for it too much. I grew to love the style of hat over the years, perhaps because I missed my friend. This day I still wear an ivy hat that's made of leather when I play poker. It's one of my favorite things to wear.

Eventually we all aged a few years and didn't need the magic hat. By that point we had moved out of the dorms and really didn't have any younger friends to pass the hat on to. The hat traveled with me to Pennsylvania when I dropped out of school. I even donned it a few times when the mood struck me. I eventually lost the hat in one of my moves and my wife eventually bought me a nice leather version of the same style hat.

Sometimes, I wonder if the magic hat's real magic was not that it fooled people into thinking you look older but rather that it gave you the confidence you needed to walk up and not look like you're trying to get away with something. Perhaps, it was a little of both.

Bald, fat and old is the new funny

In less than 2 hours I'll be having a small gathering of people at my house. Some of these people I will not have seen in 20 years. It was over 20 years ago that this group previously got together and made an hour and forty five minute movie on VHS tape. Please consider that this was the summer of 1988 and not today where the ability to edit and put together a movie with your friends is much easier with digital cameras and computers.

We called ourselves "The BBC", which stood for Bill Behun Comedy team. Somewhat odd is the fact that Bill Behun was not a member, nor was he someone we emulated. He was a peer of ours in the theater club that would ham it up, dress a bit pretentiously and had an ego to match. When the team was conceived that fateful day in 1987, we decided to name it after him as a joke and then have nothing to do with him. Before we knew it, we had performed sketches at the drama club parodying his life. It's not that Bill was a bad guy really, he just seemed to ask for the extra attention and being the smart asses that we were, we were perfectly willing to skewer him for it.

We had performed again at another function later that spring and then when 4/6ths of us were leaving for college, we decided to undertake that movie which took our entire summer to make. It's called The Last Temptation of Bill (an obvious title parody to the Scorcese film that was so controversial at the time) and we had cast an outside person to play the role of Bill. That person will also be in attendance tonight. As a matter of fact not only will "movie Bill" be here, but we also invited the real Bill to be here. Five out the six original members will also be here as well. Gary being the only exception. (and Dave, who filled in for Andy at the 2nd performance, cannot make it as well)

It should be fun. It will be good to be back with my old writing and performing partners, we made a good team when we weren't fighting over where to go to eat.

O' Gary! Where art thou?

I've reconnected with quite a few old friends in the last 2 years. There's only a few friends left that I'd like to know what they're up to and hear from again. Of those people, I have no idea where to find any of them. They haven't left any internet footprints as far as I can tell. No Facebook, no linkedin, no myspace, etc. Well, all except one.

My old friend Gary I have found. Thanks to a few educated guesses and some internet research, I know where he lives and works. I have sent him 2 emails. Our mutual friend, Andy, has also called and left a detailed message with his assistant. Another mutual friend, Adam, has spoken to his father and told him we are trying to contact him. I even sent him a gift via UPS with a hand written note with all sorts of personal touches. I know he is in possession of the package as UPS tracking shows he received it today.

If I don't hear from him by Friday, I can only assume that he wants nothing to do with us. While I will respect that wish, I will feel somewhat insulted and depressed at the same time. Gary was a great guy and had the best sense of humor. I was friends with him in high school and for one year in college as he also attended the University of Maryland before transferring to Rutgers. (If I recall correctly he attended Maryland because I jokingly said to him when I was a freshman there and he was a senior in high school, "If you apply, you'll get in.")

Gary was a rebel in the truest sense of the word. He didn't give a shit about authority and would mock it openly. While he wasn't a trouble maker, he would drive his parents crazy with his long jewfro locks of hair that covered his eyes and his winter coat that he would wear all year long. I would refer to that coat as his garbageman coat (and still do). That coat was an ugly olive green with a fake polyester shit-brown fur trim on the hood. The lining was neon orange and he would never zip it up and was constantly pulling at it to keep it on his shoulders.

Gary was part of the comedy team I founded during my senior year at high school that we called The BBC (Bill Behun Comedy Team). His nickname for the team was "hatchet man". The running joke was that Gary was always last to join us in our endeavors and unfortunately life is imitating art 20 years later. (which would be fine if he does finally join us for the reunion in November) Gary added his take on the absurdity of establishment during our short but productive run with The BBC.

Gary managed to attract some unusually quirky people to his clique of friends. I think it was because he didn't judge them for their strangeness as he probably felt like an outsider himself. I don't mean that he was a nerd, because he wasn't the classic pocket protector kind of guy (although, he was extremely smart). He was that awkward, tall and gangly kid who listened to punk music but wasn't scary and was instead quite approachable. He was arty without the pretension. He would love to just hang out and talk and joke around.

Somewhere, somehow and some time in the last 20 years he stopped making fun of the establishment and became one of them as he's now a personal injury lawyer. Maybe that's why he hasn't responded. Maybe he remembers what he was like and what he stood for and feels like he can't go back.

So Gary- if you ever read this, we still love you and we are still your friends. I would like to know what you have done for the past 18 years and tell you all about my family and what my life is like now. I would like to reconnect.

It's been too long, man.