Please, please, please, make it so, RyHo!

The Phillies first baseman, Ryan Howard, went 3 for 5 last night with 2 homers and 4 ribbies. That may not seem out of the ordinary for the big guy but this year it has been. Slumping thru most of April and May and with JRoll out for a few weeks I was amazed that the Phillies stayed above the .500 mark with only one good starting pitcher. You can thank Utley and Burrell and their hot streaks in the early going for that.

Ryan really hit the homers far too, so let's hope this a new trend and he's emerging from his slump. With Howard back at his old ways, JRoll in the lineup and perhaps some pitching help from Benson or Happ and we can make another run. The next few weeks the schedule doesn't look so scary, so hopefully they make the best of it. Cross your fingers.

LOL Donkaments

Poker when played optimally will lead to winning money over enough time and hands. Of course there will be short term variance that will lead to losing streaks despite how skilled you are. Tournaments have an even higher variance due to the escalating blinds and antes (forced bets) that create players to act with hand holdings that are less than preferred and players will try to bluff and steal more often than in cash. The increased luck factor obviously takes out some of the skill. The more players that play in a tourney, the more luck is a factor over skill. It's why guys like Chris Moneymaker and Jerry Yang have won millions of dollars in the main event of the WSOP.

The higher variance of tourneys has led the posters over at 2+2 to nickname them "donkaments". The donk part refers to "donkey"- lingo for a bad player. The posters there even raised alot of money to donate to Barry Greenstein's charity to get him to say the phrase, "LOL Donkaments" on the TV show, High Stakes Poker.

This past Saturday's home tourney reminded me of why donkament is such an apt name. Never have I seen so many inferior hands win over statistical favorites. One player even called an huge all-in pre-flop bet with an ace and ten of hearts to be dominated by his opponents aces. Less than one times out of ten will the ace ten suited win, so it was a big suck out when 4 hearts hit the board and the poor player with aces went home in 4th place.

Personally, I even beat 4 to 1 odds to win a huge hand that propelled me to a 2nd place finish. The blinds started to get big and it was time to start making some moves. I was dealt a king and queen of diamonds so I came in for a raise. I ended up with 3 other callers (BAH-No respect!!) so already the pot was large before the cards came out. The flop was ragged as it contained a 9, 10 and 5 with 3 different suits. Since I was the preflop aggressor and there was a decent amount of chips to be won I figured I should take the first stab at it. I bet the size of the pot and I got a quick call from Chris, the others folded.

Chris is a solid player, but his flat call made me suspicious. It meant one of two things to me- he had a huge hand and was trapping me (possible but unlikely) or he suspected me of stealing (which I was) and had a "bluff-catcher". A bluff-catcher is a hand that probably beats most of my holdings if I'm bluffing. So, he could have hands like AK, AQ, 88, 77, 66, etc. I ruled out jacks or better because I think he reraises preflop with those. I think this type of hand is the most likely and therefore I think I can move him off the hand with an all-in bet if a favorable turn card comes. If I get called by nines, tens or fives then "c'est la vie" and I go home.

The turn card was a 4, so unless Chris was fucking around with a 78 the card is a good one to make the bluff with as it likely hasn't hit Chris. I take a little time to count out my stacks and then push it in and announce my all in.

I get instacalled.

He turned over pocket 8's which really surprised me. That basically told me he thought I was bluffing the whole time as there really weren't many hands that he can beat except for a bluff. Pocket 7's were the only holding aside from a bluff that I could have that he could be beating and even that hand would be me bluffing at the pot. A10, A9, 78, K10, J10, 10's, 9's, 6's, 5's, jacks thru aces wre all strong possibilities for me to have in my hand. Chris went with his gut that I was making a play and made a great call here. I have to give kudos to him.

Unfortunately for him, the bad luck was high that night and the queen came on the river and I won the huge pot and took the chip lead. (I had about an 18% chance of winning with a jack, queen or king) He lasted a little while on a short stack but never recovered. My respect for Chris' game has risen over the past year and I somewhat regret inviting him to the game. (not really tho, because it's mostly for fun)

I eventually got heads up with a 6 to 1 chip lead but as luck would have it my opponent doubled up twice with some small bad beats to me and I had no choice but to go all in with an ace three and lost to his ace queen. Shame the worse hand wins trend stopped there.

What can you do? LOL Donkaments

Who's Ed McMahon?!!

Just this past Saturday night I played in my regular home game and poker tournament. (report coming up tonight or tomorrow) At the final table I am sandwiched in between two guys in their early 20's, Tim and Chris. I was fairly manic-y that night as I usually am during poker events. The previous night I was up until 3am with insomnia due to racy thoughts. So fueled solely on a manic high I was more Brian-ish than usual. (Wow, two made up words in one paragraph!!) I was singing at times. I was making inappropriate jokes (like joking about Tom sucking on his Mother's tit with her right next to him). I was also doing silly impersonations. In other words, I was my usual obnoxious self.

Certain phrases and words said by others were triggering my brain to sing songs that those words or phrases reminded me of. So, when someone announced that he had a pair of sixes by saying, "I got sixes", the Schoolhouse Rock song, I Got Six popped into my head and I started to sing it. Tim curiously started to look at me as I was singing the song, "I got six, that's all there is. Six times one is six- one times six." "Is that a made up song?", he queried.

I fully expect someone of Tim's age and generation to not know the Schoolhouse Rock catalog of songs. Especially as I Got Six is one of the more obscure and less popular ones. The Schoolhouse Rock animated shorts were beloved by my generation as they played in between the usual mix of Saturday morning cartoons. Most of my core knowledge of the multiplication tables, American History and the preamble to the constitution, basic science and human physiology and grammar was due to me being a typical kid couch potato every Saturday morning. I weep for Tim's generation as they did not have Schoolhouse Rock's catchy tunes beaten into their young impressionable brains. He did a have a glimmer of recognition when I told him it was the same guys who made I'm Just a Bill and Conjunction Junction.

I felt a touch old as I thought about that but then I felt even older a few minutes after that. After a interesting card came out on the turn on one hand I screamed, "Hey-o!!" in my best Ed McMahon impersonation. (well, it really was an impersonation of the late, great Phil Hartman impersonating Ed, but you get my point.) I followed up my initial Ed catch-phrase with a "You are correct sir!" and an Ed laugh. Chris then asks me, "Who are you impersonating?" I didn't know if I should be insulted as I thought Chris didn't recognize the impersonation because I was doing it poorly. I sheepishly replied, "Ed McMahon" Then the shock and awe bombing began with the next question from Chris-

"Who's Ed McMahon?"

"Are you serious?!" I incredulously replied somewhat out of line.

After some explaining that Ed was Johnny Carson's sidekick on the Tonight Show and he's the guy who delivers the big Clearinghouse sweepstakes check, he did know who Ed McMahon was. He then made the comparison to him being an Andy Richter and since he was close enough, I let the subject drop. A person who was a pop culture icon to my generation and to the 2 or 3 generations before me was becoming a footnote.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think Chris is dumb or anything like that for not knowing who Ed McMahon is. Quite the contrary as Chris appears to me to be a very intelligent, mature and funny young man. (good poker player too) Looking up the tonight Show on wiki, I see that Ed and Johnny said their goodbyes in 1992. While 1992 doesn't seem all that long ago to me, it's 16 years!! Chris was around 7 years old when Ed for the most part left the TV scene. Unless Chris' parents were completely neglectful or had weird ideas about when to put children to bed and what to let him watch on TV, It's understandable that he wouldn't instantly recognize the impression or name as I do. It's just like when I got a dirty look for not knowing who Ernie Kovacs was when I was in college. (I do now, having seen alot of his stuff, he was brilliant and groundbreaking)

So there you have it- what was once a star is now a memory. I am a bigger old fart than I previously thought (yet again, it seems to be getting worse...) and my only solace is knowing that someday Chris might finding himself saying, " 'Who's Andy Richter?!!' How could you not know who Andy Richter is?!!"

Accessible art

This week we received a note from Jonathan's art teacher that his art work will be on display at the North Penn high school for 2 nights in their gym. While this sounds like another brag about my son (and I do like bragging about his wonderful talent), it really is about something else entirely.

The art show was for the entire North Penn school district, from Kindergarten to the 12th grade. I was astounded as to the number of pieces of art that was on display. I know that North Penn is a huge school district but the amount of work that was on display from just high school students filled 4 long hallways filled with kiosks. Upon closer inspection I noticed that alot of the art work was digital photography and manipulation of photos.

Most of us have a certain level of creativity and we can imagine designs, pictures and ideas rather easily. Unfortunately, the problem we run into is that most of us can't draw worth a lick to express what ideas we have onto paper. So unless you can draw, sculpt or paint you are shit out of luck when it comes to creating art. (I'm excluding things like acting and writing as "art") Even with training and instruction the ability to create art is mostly innate. While artists will benefit from art schools and courses, unless you have that natural flair that someone like my son, Jonathan has to begin with, it usually won't improve your ability enough to make people notice or have the quality be acceptable to yourself. Most of us don't have that access to create our own art.

It's a shame really. While art is accessible in the sense that anyone can try it and do whatever they want without "rules", it isn't accessible enough that anyone can do what they want and translate what's in their head to the paper, canvas or clay. But after attending last night's show I'm starting to think that has changed.

Aside from clever internet pictures where you put your head on muscled body or make a cat say some funny things, photo-shopping and digital photo manipulation is making the creation of art more accessible to a new generation. You don't even have to have the ability to make a perfect circle because the computer will do it for you. Plus you can even do things that may not have even been possible to do with a traditional art medium. There were some really clever, scary, disturbing, moving and inspiring things that I saw some 14-18 year olds doing with their digital photos. While it may never gain true acceptance into the art world, it does allow us regular schmoes to express ourselves in areas that we couldn't do before.

With accessible art and tons of free internet porn for the next generation I don't feel so bad any more about global warming, peak oil production and depleted social security.

What the heck is up with Myers?!

As I write this the Phils are losing badly to the Braves because our starting day opener, Brett Myers, has let up another big lead.

I've heard reports that he doesn't have the velocity once had. Maybe he's a basket case and isn't pitching with his head. Maybe he was screwed up by being in the pen last year.

Whatever the case may be, I hope he gets it straightened out, because the Phils need him if we wish to contend. Eaton is falling back to suckitude again, Moyer can't last forever, and Kendrick is spotty at best this year.

Cross your fingers that Happ continues his success in the minors and Kris Benson can make a come back.

Feast or famine

You ever get the feeling that work is almost always really boring and not much to do or it's incredibly hectic and stressful?

There you are sitting at your computer and you're doing your best to look like you're busy but in reality you have nothing to do (or if you do have something, you're either putting it off or don't feel like doing it). Whether you're tweaking your fantasy football team or looking up sexual positions on Wikipedia you eventually find yourself getting lulled to sleep and then BLAM!!! The phone starts ringing, orders are pouring in, problems pop up, you only have 20 minutes til the UPS man arrives to pick up and then the chairman (aka Dad) comes in and starts making more work for you and also yells at you because you used 6 extra cents of postage by accident.

When I sold cars, we would refer to this phenomena as "feast or famine". Meaning you could go 3 weeks without selling very many cars and at not very high profits and then have a bonzer week where you sell 3 used cars at asking price and get paid handsomely. There was no real balance as to when customers came calling.

For me the long stretches of ennui are far worse than the whirlwind of harried activity and juggling you had to do when you were busy. At least when you're all over the place trying to get things done in an expedient manner, time flies by and before you know you're at home relaxing (albeit tired) or doing something you really want to do. Besides, my ego needs to feel like I've accomplished something, even if it's that I put together 143 packages to go out by UPS that day. I can at least say to myself that something was done.

There's something to be said for consistency. But ultimately, life needs variety and surprises in order to function better. So I guess a little feast or famine is a good thing for your character.

Do you know the way to San Jose? Trip Report part IV, Final report

I've wondered if I caused my blog to come to a grinding halt with this long winded trip report. Nonetheless, I will trudge on and finish for the one or two people who who wished to be bored.


Last we left the story, we we both got dressed up in fancy clothes and boarded the wine train. It was our anniversary night so I splurged for the glass top seats so we could have the best view on what would be a romantic night. The meal itself was very nice, the service was top notch. It was like having a gourmet meal on a moving (slowly- about 10mph of you ask me) train. Aside from the fun of watching our waiter pour drinks while rocking, there wasn't much benefit to eating a meal while on a train. I can't say that I recommend it. Even when the train stopped before dessert, we went to the back of the train for a look-see and all there was a tin shack and a dusty road. Plus the view was repetitive with mostly vineyard after vineyard and some strip malls thrown in. Most vineyards didn't even decorate towards the side of the train tracks.

Despite some disappointment, we had a very nice time. It's hard to feel slighted when you have a beautiful woman staring lovingly into your eyes the whole time.

The next day we went on a bus tour that stopped at various wineries. The benefit was that you could taste to your heart's delight and not have to worry about getting inebriated and driving over a hillside cliff or into the wine train. Our tour guide was a middle aged woman who dressed as if she were 25 and had a fun attitude. She probably had danced and slutted up the disco floors in the 70's and 80's. Her fun outlook, however, was infectious as it was genuine feeling and not a forced saccharine of "Hey, I'm a wild and crazy tour guide and let's party!" kind of feeling. Her knowledge of the valley and the wines was very astute and she took us to places we probably wouldn't have gone since they were mostly smaller vineyards and tasting rooms. Towards the end of the end of the day and having bought 11 bottles of wine, I was getting really sick of drinking. Lynn also was feeling the alcohol as she started to really miss the kids.

We had a small Italian dinner at a cafe that night and called it an early night. (we are soooo lame, aren't we?) The next morning we had our breakfast and made our way towards San Jose. The GPS was getting really annoying as it seemed to tell me to turn on the wrong ramps several times. I was ready to throw the system out the window, had I heard the voice saying, "recalculating" one more time. Eventually we found our way to the Winchester mystery house.

Had you not heard of this place, you should visit the wiki page about it as it's a really neat place. The tour was among my favorite parts of the trip. Our tour guide was a 60-something Texan who loved to laugh loudly at his own jokes. It was truly scary. It's one thing to laugh at your own stupid humor, but it's another thing when that laugh is loud and boisterous. I've making Lynn laugh over the last week as I've been imitating the tour guide a few times. We then had a nice dinner at a pub that made it's own beer. Much like an Iron Hill Brewery, it was anice cap to our trip. The next morning we made the 7 hour trip home and finally got to see our kids, whom we missed terribly at that point.


So, that was my trip. I'm sure I left out some details, but I was boring enough. Tomorrow, I'll post about something nutty again.

Whine -Trip Report part III

We arrived in Napa in the mid-afternoon and with nothing in our bellies but some cherries. We did a quick check in at a beautiful bed & breakfast located right in town. The proprietor let us know where the diner, Taylor's Automatic was located. This was a place that we saw on Food network's Drive-ins, Diners and Dives that we thought looked pretty neat. I ordered a burger that had an onion ring with blue cheese in the middle and bacon. We also ordered some buttered garlic fries that tasted fantastic. It was like diner food with a Napa gourmet twist and it was dee-lish!

By the time we finished our late lunch, there really was no time to visit any wineries since most closed by 430PM. Luckily our B&B room had a jacuzzi tub for 2 and we took a nice long soak. It was perfect and fun and I'll spare you the details of what else we did in the room. (altho, look for me to upload some digital video soon...) We eventually poked our heads out and checked out other parts of the inn. They had a table with some cards and giant checkers. So I jokingly used the checkers as poker chips and we played each other heads up for a few hands. (red was $5 and black was $10) The game soon changed into blackjack and then the wildest game of Crazy Eights I've ever played. The damn game just wouldn't end. I kept picking up spades and diamonds and Lynn kept picking up clubs and hearts. After 20 minutes we called it a draw and went out in search of food and wine.

We went into the main town of Napa and found a wine bar that had some decent food. We shared a cheese plate and had some soup and started to drink some copious amounts of red wine. Lately I've been into Red Zinfandel and Lynn has been liking the Syrahs. Before I could get too drunk we made it back and called it a night.

The next day we had decided to visit a few wineries on our own before going to the wine train for our anniversary dinner. That day was our actual anniversary. Lynn's co-worker had recommended 2 wineries to us when she heard we were visiting Napa. We plugged the address into the GPS system and quickly learned it was 90 minutes away!! I guess she thought that any winery in CA is close to each other. (we later found out that Napa valley only produces 6% of California wines.) Not to be daunted by the trip, I trudged forward as it was something my wife wanted to do and it was my anniversary and I was willing to do whatever made her happy.

Of course just as we got close to the Rte 101 exit to Healdsburg the GPS system was flashing low battery- no problem- we'll just plug it in and let it charge as it works....

NOPE

It didn't charge at all and it the damn thing just quit on us!!

So, he we are in a place I have no idea where I'm at, no maps, no GPS, and no idea on how to get back to the Inn! I called Alamo to complain and to see what could be done. They said it was like to be a fuse in the charger that needed replacing and to find one at a local gas station. We eventually stumbled on an auto parts store and after not finding the needed fuse at first we did find the necessary fuse in a box of 20 assorted fuses.

Whew!

But wait!

Murphy's law is still in play here....

We ended up on winding curvy roads again but this time there was a big bicycle touor going on at the time. It was impossible to pass the bikers since you couldn't see if someone was approaching on the other side of the road. So, basically we're stuck going 15 MPH down these roads and when we finally got to where the GPS said the winery was- THERE WAS NO WINERY!!

WTF?

Fed up I did a U-turn and headed back towards the highway. I saw a random winery and immediately drove in.

My impatience turned into some luck. The winery was called Everett and the people there was perhaps the friendliest people we came across the whole trip. The man did at first chide me because of my Phillies attire (the Phils beat the Giants the night before) but it turned out to be a pretty good batch of wines, plus the view was fantastic- it was situated on top of a hill that overlooked the valley and wineries. We bought a few bottles and headed towards the other winery recommended by Lynn's friend. That did turn out to be the right address and we found some nice mustards to buy aside from a few bottles of wine.

We didn't have time to visit Mondavi or Berringer's due to our reservation but even though we were out of the way, it was worth the trip.


Next up-- the wine train and getting sick of wine...

I'm becoming an internet superstar!!

Well, not me, but my ciggie bird is. She may not be as big as Chocolate Rain yet, but she's getting some love over at neatorama. A fellow poster at backshegoes.com recommend that I submit the pictures to them and they posted it. Soon I will rule the interwebs!!

Now, where do I collect my checks?

link to the story

ESPN/Harrah's shakes up the WSOP

A few things happened to the World Series of Poker format while I was away-

For starters, here is the ESPN TV schedule for this year's WSOP events:

• July 22 - Event 1: $10,000 pot-limit hold 'em
• July 29 - Event 2: $1,500 no-limit hold 'em
• Aug. 5 - Event 3: $1,500 pot-limit hold 'em or Event 4: $5,000 mixed hold 'em
• Aug. 12 - Event 5: $1,000 no-limit hold 'em with rebuys
• Aug. 19 - Event 45: $50,000 HORSE
• Aug. 26 - Event 50: $10,000 pot-limit Omaha
• Sept. 2 to Oct. 28 - Event 55: $10,000 no-limit hold 'em main event
• Nov. 4 - Event 55: WSOP main event final table preview show (10pm)
• Nov. 11 - Event 55: WSOP main event final table

No stud events with the exception of the HORSE event (mixed games consisting of Hold Em, Omaha, Razz, Stud, and Eights or better stud.) I know that TV ratings are getting weaker and weaker for poker so it's a bitter pill to swallow to see less variety. A shame that they cut the HORSE down to 2 hours, 6 hours last year was perfect and fulfilling.

The other big change is that they are stopping play when the final table is established and will restart play in November, either a few hours before the televised event starts or a day or so. (I'm uncertain at this point)

That is big news to say the least. I think it could suck but if it helps boost the excitement of poker again to it's 2004/2005 levels then I'm all for it. Collusion could come into play. Players who made it to the table via some luck may get some coaching and may change how the game would've been played. Plus someone could die in that 4 month period!! I really hope it works and nothing taints the game. Poker has come a long way to get some respect and not be associated heavily with cheating, The Absolute Poker scandal didn't reach a big audience but a collusion scam at teh WSOP would be a huge media event that I'd hate to see come to pass.


Cross your fingers and hope ESPN and Harrah's knows what they are doing...

Head fer dem dar hills!! Trip report part II

Even if you haven't been to San Francisco before, you are probably aware of the many hills the city is situated upon. Walking around the city gives you a heckuva workout to say the least. I think that's why most people who live in the city aren't fatties. So, when we arrived by ferry to Alcatraz island, I thought we'd get a rest from walking up and down the streets of San Francisco.

No such luck.

Alcatraz is essentially a huge hill in the middle of the bay. Once a military post to protect the new city and it's gold mines, it was converted into a federal prison once the need for such a post was outdated. The prison was built at the acme of the big hill and one has to ascend up 4 steep inclines to start the tour.

Having already walked to the ferry boat from Fisherman's wharf, we were huffing and puffing rather heavily by the time we could start our audio tape tour (well, I was, Lynn is in shape.). The tour itself was one of the best parts of the trip. I am fascinated by mysteries as I already posted last month. The Alcatraz escape is right up there with the DB Cooper hijacking as far as peaking my interest levels. What I found strange is that the audio tour and park rangers never call it an escape but rather an escape "attempt". They acknowledge that the 3 men got over the fence and into the bay but since they deem it likely that they got killed by the frigid waters and torrent currents they never say that it was possible they escaped. Myself, I hold more faith in Clint Eastwood to think that the water could have taken him.

After the tour we headed back to the piers and wharf and had a decent meal on Pier 39. I loved sampling the local brews of Sierra Nevada, Anchor Steam and some Portland wheat ale that was very tasty. I figure since we were were going to Napa, there was no sense in partaking of wine until we arrived there. (and I'm glad we waited) The long day of walking caused an early night for us again and I think we still hadn't adjusted to the new time zone completely.

The next morning we had to check out and make our way up to the Napa valley. We decided to do a driving tour of the rest of San Fran and I even made my way down the treacherous Lombard street. Lombard street is so steep that they built switchbacks for a stretch of the road. Even scarier was parking on the next street down so we could get out and take pictures of the street. We had to park perpendicular to the street and it felt like our car could tip over with just a stiff wind. It was hard just getting my door open as I had to fight gravity to get out of my seat. Soon after we made our way to a few spots in the Golden Gate park. The park was beautiful and had all sorts of flowers and plants we didn't recognize and had an interesting pillar with statues in one part surrounded by a pond. The statues face away from the viewer with their heads down as if they were purposely trying to ignore us and/or moon us.

After the parks we ventured out to the Golden Gate bridge. I wasn't expecting much as I thought it was "just a bridge", but I must admit it has some mystical quality about it. It's a truly impressive bridge and it has much more much character than say the Walt Whitman. Driving across it, however, wasn't any more thrilling than any other bridge. (My favorite bridge drive is the Chesapeake Bay bridge) We set the GPS system to take us to Muir redwoods park and of course we encountered even more hills. Lots and lots of twisty and curvy hill side roads led us towards the park. I was very glad that I was not drunk or impaired in some fashion.

We eventually came across a roadside vendor and since all we had for breakfast was some coffee we bought some really delicious cherries. It was fun driving thru the curvy roads and spitting pits over the cliffs. Once we got to the park we started out on a 3 mile hike thru the woods. Being on the east coast, you just never get to see trees with trunks so wide and tall. I highly recommend going on this hike. Of course, the hike consisted of walking up hill and walking alongside a narrow and winding trail on the ridge. It was alot of fun and scenic.

The rest of the day consisted of traveling to Napa and checking in at the B&B- more on this soon...

Don't play Punch Buggy in California; Trip report part I

Don't you just hate when people go on and on and on about their vacations? They gab and jaw about what they did and where they went on their trip. And if you're really unlucky you have to look at a bunch of photos (or worse- home video tape) of themselves in front of landmarks, people they met, restaurants they ate at and the places where they took a dump.

Well guess what?

It's my turn to be that annoying person. Except I'll blog about my trip over a series of posts over the next week and I doubt I'll post any pics of our trip. Honestly, do you really need to see my fat ass hugging a redwood tree? (altho, that really does give some perspective as to how big the trees really are) So, sit down and get some sunglasses so you can pretend to be paying attention while you're really asleep...




Some pertinent background before I start- My wife and I like to play a game in the car called "Punch Buggy". It's a simple game and it's fairly common among children everywhere in the United States. Basically, if you see a Volkswagon Beetle, you hit the person next to you twice and wipe away the hit (as if to say that you didn't really mean it?) and shout, "punch buggy". Needless to say, it pays to be alert if you pass a WV dealership or else you'll end up bruised pretty badly. My wife and have added a variant where we get to give an extra set of punches if we espy a classic Beetle made prior to the newer style introduced in the 90's. Those are obviously only spotted once in a blue moon. We don't really hit each other all that hard. We do love each other, after all, and despite my wife's sadist tendencies to want to get smacked on the ass, we don't want to inflict bodily harm on each other. I think our competitive egos are bruised more than our bodies.

The night before the trip we had to sleep downstairs on a couch and easy chair as my in-laws were sleeping over as they had to watch the kids the next morning and we had to leave at 4:20AM for a 6:05AM flight. The adrenaline of knowing we were going on an exciting trip made it even harder to fall asleep and at 3AM I was awoken by 2 huge charlie horses in my thighs due to the weird sleeping position. My painful dance around the room stirred my wife to wake as well. Thus we arrived in San Jose after 7 1/2 hours flight time including the transfer in Chicago really, really tired.

We stumbled thru the airport and after getting our luggage we lumbered about looking for the rental car shuttles as we moaned, "Brains!! More Brains!!"

Okay, so maybe we weren't really zombies but we felt like them.

We decided to get the GPS system at the rental place for the extra money so we could just plug in the addresses and have the system tell us where to drive. Having only printed Google maps of our hotels, my reliance on the GPS quickly became apparent to me to be a mistake. The system at first was telling us we were north of San Francisco! San Jose is clearly about an hour south of the city, so I had to blindly go north as Lynn fiddled with the unit. Eventually we just turned off the GPS and started it up again and it started to work fine. (why is this the solution to fix almost everything these days?) We arrived at our hotel in San Fran in the Union Square area shortly around 1PM Pacific time. It felt like 9PM to us.

The car ride to San Fran made it clear that Californians really love VW Beetles. Our game of Punch Buggy was turned up a few intense notches as there were Bugs everywhere. Their ubiquitous nature made me hover my fist over Lynn's thigh as I drove or else I'd get beaten from the multitude of bulbous cars. Not only were there a ton of new Beetles, but I was simply amazed as to how many classic Beetles we stumbled across during our stay. I think we are lucky to spot a classic Beetle about once a month or 2 months during our regular game. At the end of our trip I counted that we came across 16 classic Beetles.

After our check in, we decided to walk around a little bit and found a place to eat in a small cafe in the area. We also stopped in some art galleries and had a look see. We went back to our hotel to have a little nap. That little snooze turned into a 4 hour coma. We woke around 7PM and composed ourselves and took a stroll towards Chinatown.

After a small missed turn we found ourselves at the famous gate to Chinatown of San Francisco. It was a majestic gate and it welcomed us as we walked up the hill. The rest of Chinatown was a huge disappointment. It was gift shop after gift shop. Most of the stuff was cheap as well. Of course that didn't stop us from making a few purchases. I did find a stone with a Chinese character of the word, "luck" written on it for a poker card cap. (to hold my cards in place so the dealer doesn't accidentally muck them when I'm in a hand) My wife also purchased an iron tea kettle and cups that was comely. I was surprised to find that there weren't very many restaurants at all. The first restaurant we came to immediately we avoided because I figured the first one you come upon had to have been bad or too expensive. After a few blocks of walking we realized that there weren't any more restaurants around until we finally found one on a steep hill at the end of Chinatown. Almost ravenous at that point we sat down and ordered up some of our favorites.

I can honestly say it was close to being some of the worst Chinese food I've had.

It seemed to be Americanized Chinese food. I guess they didn't get the memo that most of us nowadays prefer the authentic cuisine and not the overcooked, salty, and bland food that our parents liked. After our disappointing meal we grabbed a cab and had a rollercoater like ride back to our hotel. The hotel had a hip restaurant next door and we stopped in for a few drinks and then went to bed. The next day we were going to the Wharf and Alcatraz island.


to be continued...

Hatching a smoke

Just got back from my trip- don't have much time to tell you all about it yet, but a quick update- The baby birds are hatching!!

An open letter to Lynn

Early Wednesday morning my wife and I are boarding a plane to San Francisco where we'll spend a blissful week without the kids drinking lots of wine and eating good food and having lots of sexy time. We're doing this because it's our 10th anniversary this coming Saturday. Milestone anniversaries don't come very often, so we're splurging and treating ourselves to nice hotels and restaurants. As a result of this trip, I won't be posting on this blog for over a week. (sorry Mike)

I do wish to express myself when it comes to how I feel about my wife before I leave. While I won't be incredibly sappy about it I do think those who wish to think of me as a manly man should leave the room.


Lynn,

Sweetie, I am a selfish man and I don't deserve to be loved and cared for by the likes of someone as yourself. Every morning in the shower I mutter to myself about things that will happen that day or things that have happened the day before. It's just how my mind operates and it's how I reset myself every day to get ready for the world. Ever since I have been with you I have muttered the phrase "I love Lynn/my wife" to myself at the beginning of everyday. I don't think I ever missed a day. While a barely audible mumble isn't really a good way of letting you how much I appreciate you, I do realize just how lucky I am to have you as my wife, partner, lover, friend and mother of my children.

Professions of love are often cliche or are over the top and tend to lack the needed punch of being able to truthfully express one's true feeling. Yet we keep trying anyways. I have no God to thank for you, I have only you to thank, so I'll repeat myself ad nauseum if it'll alleviate the guilt of having someone like you when I know many others don't have it this good. I love you, Lynn You get me. You compliment me. You fortify my weaknesses. You understand my humor, my sensibilities, my outlook and my needs. You still rock my world sexually. I honestly can say that you satisfy every desire and urge that I have even if that means that you allow me the space at times to go out and indulge myself. (ie. take care of the kids while I play poker)

I pledge again this week as I did 10 years ago to give you my heart. I will refocus to make you as happy as you have made me. I want you to know just how much I love you and I know I haven't demonstrated it enough. I find myself trying to refrain from sounding too corny as I wrtie this and I don't want to use hyperbole to take away from the driving impetus I have to tell you that I love you so very much. I will leave it at that and hope that you will continue to love me as you have for the past 12-13 years.

Sweetie, I look forward to our celebration of 10 years this week. I am so glad that the future is still long and bright as it was on our wedding day.

Love,

Brian

Why can't this ever happen to me?

So, I just sat down at a $0.15/0.30 NLHE deep stack table. I get a few crappy hands and fold. I fold a K6 offsuit and watch some interesting fireworks. Usually when you get quads (aka 4 of a kind) you don't win a big pot. In live and online play (non-tourney) I've had quads maybe 4 or 5 times. Once I won more than a few bets. It just goes to reason that if you have a chunk of the board in your favor, it's unlikely that your opponents will have much at all. So, unless your opponent bluffs you usually won't make much.

Not so for the lucky bastard pictured above...

He got paid off by TWO opponents. (about $60 each, which is the approximate buy-in)

Both his opponents had the misfortune of having tens full of nines, the 2nd "nuts" for this board. (nuts being the best possible hand) Unless someone has quad nines, then your tens full is a winner. Imagine their surprise when they see that 2 other people are all in with them in the pot. You figure that maybe one other guy has a ten and you're chopping the pot. (splitting) It probably felt like they got hit in the gut when the quad nines showed.

I just want to know what the guy with the 9's felt when he saw his opponents raise and reraise. I can only guess....

Now serving

Picking both these kegs up Friday. Mmmmmmm..can't wait.



(Nicole and Karen- call ahead before stopping by....)

The birthday blues

April 24th is my birthday- brace yourselves for a "woe is me" kind of entry!!

I think since I've turned 30 I've looked less and less forward to birthdays to the point where I start to dread them. Tomorrow I turn 38. While it's no milestone birthday, it still sounds incredibly old to me. Besides, with my 10th wedding anniversary and 20th high school reunion approaching this year, I don't think I could stomach another milestone like turning 40. (like my brother did 2 months ago)

While I realize tomorrow I'm just another day older, the event itself is like a hard poke to your side ribs and a lingering painful reminder of my mortality. Despite the best efforts of my wife and kids to make me happy, I'm sure I''ll end up being a dour piece of ungrateful shit during the whole festive event. This, of course, will lead to Lynn getting upset that she can't make me happy and she'll get all pissy as well. At least misery loves company?

If I get this crummy when I turn 38 just imagine how hard "mid-life" crisis is going to hit me when I get to be in my 50's. (altho-technically if I live to 76 like I'm supposed to then I'm in "mid-life" right now.) I sure hope I'll have enough money to blow on hookers and exotic sports cars or else I may just have to become a serial killer that goes around killing people in their 20's because I'm jealous of their youthfulness and vitality.

Also- please spare me your "38 is the new 28" and "you're only as old as you feel" comments. I will hunt you down by your IP address and get an early start on my new psychotic career.

Happy fucking birthday to me.

Who says smoking is bad for the environment?!

In some ways I'm embarrassed to show this picture but it's too funny to keep to myself.

Today is my son Gabriel's 7th birthday. He was out in the back yard playing with his friends and dinner time was approaching. Since it was his birthday I needed to ask him what he wanted to eat so he could choose his favorite. (He chose mac and cheese) I was in the bedroom at the time and we have a small upstairs patio that you can access thru a door from the bedroom. I opened the door and went onto the patio to ask Gabriel what he wanted. I haven't been out on this patio since I quit smoking (I would never smoke in the house). I guess I prefer my patio on the ground.

Now here's the embarrassing part. I used to dump my ash tray into a trash can that was on the patio. I guess since I haven't been on the patio in so long I've forgotten to empty the trash can which is filled about 2/5's of the way up with cigarette butts. Pretty gross, I know. I'm a slob, I admit it.

Just as I was about to shout down to Gabriel I noticed the trash can and a bird that made it's nest inside of it!! I can't tell if there's eggs in the nest of butts and twigs that the bird had made for itself, but I don't have the heart to chase the bird away.

Anyways, here's a picture that my wife took of the bird. You can click on it for a blown up view. I truly hope she doesn't get addicted to the butts.

Looking for beer suggestions

I just tapped my Magic Hat number 9 a moment ago, I am sad...

The Yuengling Black and Tan is what's left and that was bought more for Lynn as it's one of her faves. Besides, that's a good 10-15 beers away from getting tapped as well.

So I need beer and need to call my new pal Bob at Bob's Kegs and Cases and tell him to get me something. Thus what brings me to a dilemma- Spring ales are usually not what I like in a beer. Most are too hoppy or are too pale for my tastes. I love the winter lagers, October fests, scotch ales and deep caramel flavorings.

Not knowing what to get, I am leaving my next beer choice in your hands. The 1st person who suggests Coors Light will be permabanned.

What a great day for baseball

Yesterday afternoon I was able to go to the Phillies business person special. There wasn't much that could've been done to make it a better experience. For starters, they won in a blow out 10-2. Seven of the Phillies starters got 2 hits (you suck Bruntlett!!) and four hit home runs. Myers pitched a gem and allowed only one run in 7 innings.

The other thing you couldn't beat was the weather. It was a gorgeous day. The high temperature was about 75 degrees, it was sunny without any clouds, and there was the gentlest of breezes wisping it's way thru the park. I could've just sat there and watched a cricket match and not cared since the weather was so nice.

I also partook of one of my favorite ballpark treats, the Schmitter. It's basically a cheesesteak sandwich served on a Kaiser roll, with tomato, onions, a slice of salami and special sauce. A tasty sandwich named after my favorite childhood ball player. I also bought a 7 dollar cup of Blue Moon wheat beer to wash it down. Later Dan and I wandered over to the Turkey Hill stand and got a pint of Ice Cream. It was just one of those days that everything was relaxing, enjoyable and fun.

I even laughed when Carlos Lee, the Astros portly left fielder, decided to tease the crowd. At the end of the 7th inning he caught the last out. As some players do, he whisked around towards the crowd as if he were to throw the ball into the stands for a souvenir. He made the throwing motion but held onto the ball and quickly ran back into the dugout, laughing to himself the whole way as the crowd jeered him loudly. What a dick!

Unfiltered

I feel like my brain has no filter or self editing feature. I am often impulsive and say whatever comes to mind without much concern for what I'm saying. As quick witted as I can be at times, I sometimes come off as being flat out obnoxious. My manic mind speeds along too fast and I must skip the filtering process of thinking to myself- "Is this a good idea?" Most of my friends and family are aware of this and as a result I have no shock impact anymore. "That's just Brian." is a common sentiment held by my in-laws.

This opinion that is held of me, of course, allows for a certain amount of freedom. Even back in college I could reach out and grab some of my female friend's breasts and get little to no reaction or indignation. "That's just Brian." after all. Copping a free feel was among the perks of being a lovable lunatic. Even recently, I've been able to tell my in-laws to their face that they're harder to get rid of than Herpes. (in regards to how long they stay after a party or event has ended)

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure my words and actions have impact, even if it isn't shocking. However, the impact is freeing because it allows me to say things through humor that I wouldn't ordinarily be able to say with a straight face.

Needless to say it does get me into trouble. My brother-in-law isn't a big fan of mine and he's probably one of the few people I tend to step on eggshells when I'm around him. It also leads to some interesting moments....

Last week I was driving back from running some errands in town and I was driving past the adult book store on Upper State Road. I noticed a guy in his 50's get out of his car in the front parking lot. The store has it's own lot, so there really wasn't any good reason for him to be there other than to buy some porn or sex toys. Far be it of me to judge a man for this. I certainly have gotten my porn urges on as well. Heck, I think it's unhealthy to not watch porn sometimes. Even if he were to get gay, bondage, rape, scat porn I couldn't care less what gets this guy turned on and I will fight for his right to walk into a porn shop and get said filth.

Despite my firmly held beliefs, I rolled down my window and screamed, "PERVERT!!"

It was pretty funny actually, he jumped and walked faster into the store. He probably thinks I was some moralistic nut job.

He's only half right.

A Taxing day

I just finished my taxes.

Every time I feel myself leaning liberal, I need to remind myself of days like today. Screw the poor, I want my money back.

Okay, so maybe we can blame the war too and stupid pork barrel projects. I guess it's why I'm mostly libertarian these days. I just wish someone who is libertarian and appealing (ie. not a nut job) would run one of these days.

Sigh

The Iron Pigs are already rusty

The Phillies new triple A affiliate in Allentown, the Iron Pigs, have started their season at 0-9. Usually, I don't care too much about the wins and losses of a minor league team because the minors is all about player development. I guess you can argue that winning breeds winners, but even the 1985-90 University of Maryland football team, which was awful, produced some quality NFL quarterbacks, including Boomer Esiason, Neil O'Donnell, and Frank Reich.

It really does speak to the quality of the upper level prospects that the Phillies have currently. They have some really nice prospects that are just entering the Reading club in double A like Carlos Carrasco. But the best prospects at Allentown are guys who project to be a 5th starter or long relief like J.A. Happ or are destined to be a backup catcher like Jason Jamarillo. The rest of the team is filled with career minor leaguers, rehabbing players, and guys who just can't seem to make the jump to the majors.

Being that Allentown is only about a 45 minute drive, I thought sometime this summer I'd take the family to see some cheap baseball with guys who could be future stars, but I fear the only future stars I'll catch will be on the opposing team. I guess that 2008 won't be a stellar debut for Allentown, but I hold out hope that next year we will finally have some quality prospects playing there and looking thru the window to the majors.

UPDATE 4/13- Now 0-11!!!

UPDATE 4/14- They won!! 1-11!!

I miss smoking today

Now before you call the anti-smoking police, I don't miss it enough to start up that stupid habit again.

It's been 9.5 months since my last ciggie. I certainly don't miss the constant hack that I had developed and I don't miss the wheezy gasps for air nor the lack of smell and the smell that perforated me and my clothes.

It's just that today is the first really super nice spring day of the year. I always used to love to go outside and enjoy the day and well, ....have a smoke. So, I guess it's not the smoking per se that I'm missing- It's the excuse to leave my desk or warehouse for a moment and go outside in the nice weather. Little 3 minute breaks while you're killing yourself with a cancerous inhalant are surprisingly refreshing. I suppose if I were to remove the latter part of the equation I still could enjoy myself, but I'd get strange looks from my brother.

Meh, who cares what he thinks?! I'm going to go take two 3-minute air breaks an hour today!

My video past, part I

As stated earlier I am in the process of digitizing my old VHS tapes that contained the sketch comedy and home movies that I made in college and high school.

So without further fanfare, here's a sketch I wrote and directed called, "Sight Reading Theater", for a University of Maryland produced TV show called, Nitelife U. It's the best production values of anything I've made obviously since we were using top notch equipment for the time.

In the next few weeks I'll be posting even more stuff from my video past. Enjoy!

4AM Pot Limit Omahahahahahahahaha!

I hosted a cash game of poker last Saturday night. I had a decent amount of people show up , altho I had about 4 no shows that said they were likely coming. I had a no-limit hold em table running and we had a HOARSE game going as well. (a rotating game of various types of poker) Towards the end of the night we started up a pot limit Omaha game as most of the players had left by 3AM.

I guess if you're stuck a hundred dollars or so, it's not a bad game to play to see if you can win back some of your losses or get even deeper as it's a high variance and fast game. I probably lost about 70 bucks in that game making me a small 11 dollar winner for the whole night.

Despite my paltry winnings, I had the most fun playing poker I've had in a while. I can't explain why either. Maybe I was in a good mood or maybe I'm getting bored of the NLHE tourneys. In either case, it was good to exercise the mind and stay up late for a change instead of being a fuddy-duddy and sleeping at 10PM every night.

Oh thank goodness!!

Well it finally appears that I've been doing something right all these years!

A survey of sex therapists has revealed that quickies are indeed the way to go. Aside from the occasional whiskey dick, my performances usually don't make it past the halfway point of a Phish performance of Run Like an Antelope. Now, if only the survey could relieve me of my other bedroom worry and my perceived...uh...shortcomings. Deep down I have a hidden desire to move to Asia so I won't have press up so damn close to the urinal in fear that I am the smallest man in the room.

Reading further down I see that length of foreplay still seems to be the prevalent problem and concern of most partners. I guess the whole idea still seems foreign to me. Usually all it takes is for me to pinch my wife's ass and I'm sportin' wood. Hell, sometimes a gentle breeze is a nice pick me up or even a Jergins lotion commercial will get the blood flowing.

I've always contended that it's a good thing that we don't mate like most mammals and have our women go into heat, although, it would be quite interesting. I could just imagine that about 10 times a year a woman would walk into a bar and start screaming "Fuck Me!!" and raise her behind into the air and "present" herself. At that point all of the alpha males would either start fighting each other or pissing all over the place to mark their territory. In either case, it would get quite messy until things get sorted out, but there would be no talk of not enough foreplay, I'll tell you that much.

The write stuff

I always enjoyed writing and consider myself to be a good writer. Not a great writer; I can't inspire or sound melodious or argue an opinion convincingly. But I might make you laugh and I can conjure up some good imagery. I feel that my writings are good enough to get an 'A' in an English 101 college class despite what Lynn's professor thought of a brilliant paper I wrote for her once. I was fuming when she got 'B+'. If Lynn wouldn't have been kicked out of college for getting me to do her work I would've stormed into the professor's office and argued for an 'A'. It really was one of the best papers I wrote, I wished she saved it. (altho, it wouldn't surprise me if my mother-in-law still has the Apple computer with the file still on it.)

Blogging has allowed me to write again and it fulfills me. I have no real deadlines. I can write about whatever I choose and I'm not being graded. Despite that there's no stickler of a professor with-holding a well deserved 'A' from me I do feel somewhat overshadowed by some of my fellow bloggers, including the people I link.

Paul wrote a wonderful essay about baseball's opening day. Despite the fact that he's a college professor that probably unfairly gives 'A' papers B pluses, I enjoy his musings and think he's a better writer than me.

Andy always writes some wonderful stuff and I really enjoyed his take on Facebook friends today. Andy is truly a creative force to be reckoned with, whether if it's thru his acting or thru his writings. I wish he could find the time to blog more often.

Bill knows his baseball. Bill can argue logically, present ideas clearly and can critically analyze a sports journalist's article thoroughly. You can pick just about any posts of his like this one to see what I mean.

Instead of singling out one of the numerous contributors over at the Good Phight I recommend that you read every post if you're baseball fan or Phillies fan. These guys know their stuff and I'll read them over the newspaper any day of the week.

I'm usually not one to argue politics if I can help it. And even though I'm libertarian I really enjoy reading David's blog. His viewpoint on Hillary's tall tales of adventure in Bosnia made me smile and I always respect what he has to say on the American political landscape.

I sometimes wonder to myself if my writings stand up to the same high level. I always have surrounded myself with intelligent friends. I suppose my links should be no exception. I'm proud to link them even if they do sometimes make me look bad.

So much for that...

Well, the friggin parachute ain't D.B. Cooper's.

I'm so disappointed.

I'm an April fool

I have a devious mind at times and warped sense of humor. If you were to say that April Fool's day was meant for me specifically, you wouldn't be too far off. Every year I try to get someone fooled by a prank, most years I'm successful. My favorite one was when I saved the newspaper that we had delivered from April 1st, 1985 and woke up early on April 1st, 1986 and replaced the new one with the one from last year. It took my Dad 5 minutes to realize he was reading last year's news. The paper was slightly yellow, but he still got fooled. Generally speaking, I think we don't notice things out of the ordinary unless it's blatantly obvious.

That leads us to this year's prank and victim.


About 3 years ago I run into my ex-high school sweetheart, Karen at the local Toys R Us. Turns out that she lives about 5 minutes from me. A year later we run into each other at the Walmart, at this point we exchange emails to send pics of our kids to each other. We exchange pics but the correspondence stopped there.

Then last year I get an email about her Komen's women breast cancer walk on Mother's day and if would I like to sponsor her. It was a chain email that she probably sent to her entire email address book and I'm sure she wasn't even aware she had me on it. I decided to donate 50 bucks and left a note "anything for an old friend". She then emailed me back thanking me and we started to email each other during slow periods at work and we rekindled our friendship. There was no inclination for either of us to have an affair or anything like that. We've met with the kids a few times at the playground and she's come over my house twice for events and we went out together with our spouses a few weeks ago.

Today I sent her this email:

I'm sorry I have to say this. So last night I had one of those knock down drag out fights with the wife. Eventually the subject of you popped up. I guess I didn't realize that Lynn was hiding alot of insecurity and jealousy. You and I both know that's there's nothing going on with us whatsoever aside from friendship and boredom at work, but for some reason she has really harbored some ill feelings that I email you so much and keep in touch with you. I will spare the details of our "spat" but unfortunately, Ive been put in a position that I feel is unfair to me and you but nonetheless I have no real choice as to what to do. I have to end our correspondences and keep our friendship on the back burner. I will still host the party in 2 weeks, but I understand if you feel uncomfortable to not want to come. I wish there was another way and I know it really sucks and I truly hope you understand that this is an April fool's joke and you've been had. I'm such a brat. Really, you didn't seriously believe that Lynn would act that way?!

She called me up in less than 5 minutes and started to needle me because I fooled her.

Pranks are fun. I'll have to start planning next year's prank tomorrow.

Opening day blahs (or Tom Gordon sucks donkey balls)

Yet again our fine baseball team, the Philles, had trouble beating their opponent on opening day. Despite a nice comeback to tie the score at 6-6, our fill in closer Flash Gordon started off his seaon with a 135.00 era and blew the game.

And it was rainy/drizzly and somewhat chilly.

You'd have thought that I had a bad time.


Not so, for starters, I was watching baseball and that's usually never a bad thing despite the outcome. Especially considering it's the 1st meaningful baseball I've watched since the playoffs. I also met a bunch of people that I've been having conversations with over the internet for up to the last 3 years. I met people who go by the names, Uncle Milty, meatball, Ramon Gris, and Drugs Delaney. I also met up with another guy who I play poker with but he also is known as seke2. Of course, they all knew me as The Red Tornado. We all post about our shared love for the Phillies on a message board called Backshegoes.com.

It's nice to put faces to the names and opinions that I have gotten to know so well these last few years. The internet makes our world smaller and I met some people that I never would have without it. That's a good thing.

Looking to preserve my comedic history

Most of my friends and family consider me to be funny (and obnoxious). My best material is often ad-libbed zingers in social settings.

However, once upon a time, I actually wrote and performed sketch comedy and I even had a stand-up routine. Eventually, I think my nerves and mental disorder got the best of me, plus I never did push hard enough to get anywhere with my comedic "abilities".

As my regular blog readers know, I have been doing alot of reflection towards my past lately. Thus recently, it's occurred to me that I should start transferring all of my comedic works from VHS tapes to digital. Of course I can't seem to get the damned video capture device to work, but I will figure it out sooner or later. I may be in my 30's but I some rudimentary knowledge of how a computer operates!

Oh, and when I do, I'll start uploading the stuff to this here blog.

Won't that be fun?!

You can all marvel as to how skinny I was and wonder if I've been eating jars of frosting all these years.

You can make fun of me all you want- just don't say I'm not funny. I don't think I can take that.

Unsolved mysteries

I love a good mystery, but I need resolution.

It's part of my nature; I can't stand not knowing something. My mother always complained that I asked too many questions. I guess in some ways it makes me nosy, but ultimately my inquisitive desire has led me to greater knowledge. Overall, I don't think that it should be considered a bad thing.

The D.B. Cooper mystery has always fascinated me ever since I learned of the caper as a teen. The idea that someone could jump out of a plane with a substantial amount of money and leave no trace, alive or dead unnerves me to no end. I have to know- who it was, why he did it, what happened to him if he landed safely, what happened if he died and where his body is, etc, etc.

Imagine my delight when I read this morning that it's decent possibility that they discovered his parachute. I have been strangely excited since and have been scouring the internet in hopes of an update. I have also reacquainted myself with all of the kooky theories and crackpots that come out of the woodwork and claim that they know who D.B. really was or that they themselves are the infamous D.B. Cooper.

Like I said, I love a good mystery. But, dammit, I really hope that this parachute leads somewhere. After all, if it doesn't then more questions arise like- why did someone bury a parachute in rural Washington state?!

I should resolve myself to disappointment, however, even if the parachute is proven to be D.B.'s parachute, all it really does is prove that he landed safely. No answers as to his whereabouts or ultimate destination will be revealed. But still, it's something interesting, and it got my inquisitive juices flowing.

And I do love a good mystery.

4 years later...the poker boom on TV and the WPT on GSN.

There were 3 main things in 2004 that led to the huge boom in poker on TV.

1) The 1st and most important reason was the invention of the hole camera that allowed viewers at home see what the player's hands were. This allowed the TV audience to see how the pros and amateurs would play hands in certain situations. Without the technology there would be no poker boom. However, without proper application the technology would've gone to the wayside. That leads us to...

2) The Travel Channel and ESPN and the respective World Poker Tour and World Series of Poker telecasts brought poker into everyone's living room. It turned the game into a spectator sport. Not only could the average Joe at home watch Phil Helmuth win a tournament but they also could watch him whine and complain and understand why he was acting like such a dip, since they could see that his pocket kings lost to 9 7 offsuit. The WPT on the travel channel allowed certain players to become stars much like any pro golfer or NASCAR racer. The TV poker pro emerged from this era, and people like Howard Lederer, Phil Ivey and Daniel Negreanu became recognized as the top players of the game by winning or placing high in WPT tournaments. While ESPN did cover the WSOP since the 80's, the hole cam allowed them to expand their coverage in 2004 and that leads us to the 3rd reason for the poker boom....

3) Chris Moneymaker won the 2004 WSOP main event. The fact that your average stiff could win a 60 buck satellite online and then ultimately win 2 million dollars without having been the best but get lucky led to the biggest boom of all. We all could envision ourselves winning a major tournament and the flood towards online play, home games and casino poker started.

So, why the history lesson?

I watched the WPT coverage last night on GSN. (their debut episode)

It was mostly the same as it had been on the Travel Channel, with the exception of some better graphics and info. I was hoping it would be much better, but the tournament format that made poker popular in the 1st place is what is making it boring to watch. But I have to remember it was once exciting to me to watch and it's what mainly inspired me to go out and play without fear that I would suck. The WPT and tournaments like it give the viewer that hope that if they get the right cards and not play like a complete fool, they too can win a big score.

Of course, I've grown as a player and found much more vital information through experience and books than I ever have watching it on TV, but it was an easy way for to learn enough to get started. I've been hooked since. I also hope that the popularity stays, people at the casinos are playing like they are in tourneys and don't adjust well enough for a cash game. Needless to say, it makes me more successful in cash than in tourneys.

Although my response to watching was somewhat tepid the show did have interesting moments. Watching Phil Ivey go the rail early for the 7th time at a TV final WPT was amazing. He truly is a top 3 player in the world if not the best. For him to not get a WPT bracelet after 7 close tries is incredibly unlucky. It was also interesting to see the younger internet players take over the last 3 spots. I wish their naked aggressive style would work for me lately...

One more week!!

I don't have much time today as it's been somewhat busy at work today.

BUT

Just to brag- In a week at this time I'll be watching the Phillies open their season against the Washington Nationals at the park.


I can taste the beer now. I can't wait!

Limiting one's strategy

Last night I donked out by the 1st break in a tourney at Lottery Larry's house. I was already getting short stacked and was on the cut off position (the seat right before the button) with no one in the pot yet. It didn't matter what cards I had as I needed to pick up the blinds and this was a rare pot that had no one entering in from early position. (I had 10 8 off suit) I went all in and prayed no one would wake up with a real hand and just then the host himself starting counting out his chips. It looked like he might call but was worried that he wouldn't be left with alot of chips if he lost as he was counting the stack that he would have left if he called. I held out hope that he would fold.

Well, my read was completely erroneous and he was counting his remaining chips so he could announce his all in re-raise. I figured I was pretty much cooked after that announcement, but it turned out to be a good thing for me as he pushed out the big blind who showed pocket 9's as he folded.

Lottery Larry tabled his pocket 4's.

I was elated to have 2 overs and an near coin flip situation to double up and stay alive. I queried as to why he went ape with the pocket fours and he seemed to have a superstition about "the power of 4". I guess he's either a Charmed fan (and got it wrong- it's the power of 3) or has unusual positive expected value with pocket 4's. Usually, I say that superstition is bad luck, but the flop was unkind to me as was the turn and river and I was sent to the rail before the night was still young.

This was becoming a regular situation for me this year and I don't know if I've been unlucky or just playing poorly. I'll have to reassess my play when I have more time and try to recall situations and see if I acted too early with my pushes.

Shortly after my exit I played in a side cash limit game that was a rotation between Hold 'em and Omaha. Omaha is a cruel mistress when played as limit. As hard as it is to push out people drawing in no-limit or pot-limit, it's a damned near miracle to chase anyone out when you have the stone cold nuts on the flop and vulnerable to the flush or full house.

The one hand that almost had me as a tilt monkey the rest of the night I had KdKhTdAh. I was double suited, paired up and on the button in great position, so I raised. Of course, everyone called including the blinds. The flop came Qs Jc 9h. I had the nut King high straight. It was bet, so I raised and everyone called! The turn was still safe but started to get dangerous as an 8s peeled off. It was checked to me so I had to bet and of course everyone called. I guess I should feel fortunate that I was getting a big pot for such a strong hand, but I just knew that the river was going to kill me with so many people still in the hand. Another jack hit the table.

Fudge

It was bet and I really had no choice but to donate and call. Of course I lost to the full house held by a James Caan look-alike. At least he didn't go all Sonny on me and have me whacked.

Considering I have not played limit in a long time, I did make a nice recovery. Maybe I was just getting lucky but I felt like I was making some nice bets and check raises at the correct times and maximizing my profits. I was ahead when I should have left and started to get some cold cards when I stayed a bit too long. I did just about break even for the game. The silver lining was that I donked off some chips to Larry's wife, so both my host and hostess benefited from my appearance. I hope they repay the favor if they come to my cash game in April.

The Easter Bunny has ulterior motives

As nerve racking being the tooth fairy can be, being Santa or the Easter Bunny has it's perks. The Easter Bunny is starting to develop a reputation in our house for bringing some candy that my kids don't really like but my wife and I do. What a stinker he is! How dare he bring jelly beans, Almond Joys and Cadbury creme eggs! He even had the audacity to leave Peeps last year, a candy that no one in the family likes with the exception of moi.

That is until I heard Gabriel utter the phrase yesterday that he now likes Peeps. I'm starting to wonder if the Easter Bunny should leave any Peeps and just let them sit in our garage and get stale since they taste better that way anyways. Peeps are better as they age and get a little chewiness to them and "bite". However, you cant let them age too long or else you have little ceramic like bunnies and chicks that look gaudy.

BTW- Has anyone else noticed that the Cadbury creme eggs are getting smaller? A little video snippet from the Conan O'Brien show seems to prove that we're right!!

The Harrington books are here!

As mentioned before, I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of the 2 books written by Dan Harrington on playing cash games in poker. Unfortunately, I'm getting these books for my birthday from my dad so I'll have to wait another month. Until then I've been reading the free excerpts on the 2+2 website and they just had him as a guest on their podcast.

Dan has already written what has fast become considered the no-limit hold 'em tournament bibles. I hope the cash books live up to the hype, and I think they will. Unless, if any of you reading this blog post play poker with me, in that case- I'm sure these books will suck and you should avoid them at all costs.

I do have a cash game coming up at my house in Early April, so for those interested, drop me a line.

Time to brag about my son

My oldest son Jonathan is 9 1/2 years old. He's always drawing his favorite cartoon characters and Pokemons and dinosaurs. He's actually very good for his age. He's been good ever since he could draw. If you ask me, he draws better than most adults. Yesterday, I saw him drawing and he was copying a picture of a Dalmatian puppy he had in a book. (copying from freehand, not tracing the picture) After he was done the picture, he drew his own background and gave the dog toys, food and even a fun portrait was hung on the wall. He did this picture in less than 10 minutes.

Needless to say, I'm beaming with pride as his talent seems to be getting more refined and mature. I may have to find a way to sqeeze in art lessons between his swimming, karate and piano lessons.

The Beer Man Called!!!

Now being served in my basement:

Help! My wife is becoming an addict!

My wife, Lynn, is not a fan of video games. I think her dislike stems largely from the fact that she isn't very good at them. I must admit that once you get past an Atari joystick, with its one button and one motion control that most controllers, with it's 6 buttons, 2 motion controllers and 2 triggers, can seem daunting to those who don't wish to keep practicing. So once she heard that the Wii is more intuitive with its motion detector from her coworkers (a bunch of 50+ women), she started to express her desire for us to get a Wii. One mention was all it took for me and I immediately starting seeking one out. (see previous blog)

When I bought the Wii I purchased 2 games to go along with it aside from the fun sports games that it comes with- Super Mario Galaxy and Wii Carnival. The Carnival game I bought because it had skee ball in it and my wife loves to play skee ball whenever we're at the shore or at an amusement park. I figure it would best to keep her happy when it came to the Wii so she wouldn't feel buyer's remorse if the bulk of games weren't up her alley. (excuse the pun)

Lynn works the graveyard shift at a local hospital as a lab tech. So if you're in the ER in the middle of the night for crashing your car while DUI, she may be the one who's testing your urine to see how drunk you are. She may also be the one who types your blood so you get the much needed replenishment from all of your bleeding from your massive head injuries, you dumb ass! (Driving drunk, what were you thinking?!) The schedule works out fine while our kids are young. She gets home at 8am, just when I need to leave for work, and puts them on the bus at 8:45am and then goes to sleep until 4pm, when they get home. No day care expenses is a wonderful thing.

The problem is that she needs to get to sleep right after the kiddies leave. It's barely 7 hours if she were to fall asleep right away but usually she needs to wind down a touch and she's happy to fall asleep at 9:30am.

The past week and a half I have been getting calls at work around 10:30am from her. The tone of her voice is the frantic type of ranting that most spouses recognize as when to shut up, listen as best as one can, and then reassure them despite what one thinks. (because if one doesn't then you can kiss sex good bye for at least a week.) I tried my best to keep up with what she was saying and I heard bits and pieces like, "...I can get the ball in the 100 point hole when I snap the remote against my shoulder.." and "..knock all of the clowns down with the ball.." and "...but, no, the damn remote won't fucking respond the way it should..." It was becoming apparent that she is getting addicted to the Carnival game.

The first few calls I figured she was just blowing off steam from a hard night's work. Now I am getting worried that if the trend continues I may fear for my and my children's safety. I can just imagine her forcibly grabbing a remote from their hands and hissing, "Mine! I'm the one who worked hard into the nights for this!! My precioussssss!!" I worry that on the nights when she's off and that she's in bed with me, that she may start wildly flailing her arms around in her sleep as if she were trying to get the damn ball into the stupid fucking 100 point hole. I may suffer a serious eye injury or worse she may impale my crotch as she's trying to bang the remote.

As a crazy person, I readily recognize crazy behavior in others. Obsessing over an activity that causes your endorphin levels to rise is something that is no stranger to me. I am a poker addict and I used to be a smoker. I wish I knew how to stop her from self-destruction, but alas, nothing really worked for me until I hit rock bottom. I guess I'll have to idly stand by and wait until she falls so that I can catch her.

I wonder which will come first- rock bottom or getting the stupid fucking ball in the Goddamned 100 point hole?

Grandson of 6 degrees of Napster

Okay, same rules as before, but this time we'll start with a group I don't care for all that much and see if we can make our way towards a cool band or singer.



We'll start with a 80's hair band that my wife loved as a girl- Poison. Besides watching Bret Michaels being pathetic on VH1's Rock of Love, their music was filled with overall crappiness and banality. So let's see if Every Rose has it's Thorn, shall we?


1) People who enjoy Poison also enjoy Twister Sister.

I admit that I liked We're Not Gonna Take It, but that's probably because of the video... At least Dee Snyder is kinda cool and isn't pretentious at all. An improvement but we have a long ways to go still.

2) People who enjoy Twisted Sister also enjoy Alice Cooper.

How ironic, Alice's biggest hit (and most annoying song) is titled Poison. Alice did have some decent tunes in the 70's and apparently is a decent golfer, go figure...

3) People who enjoy Alice Cooper also enjoy Foreigner.

Huh? I guess, I'm used to the 80's Foreigner. Foreigner did have some stuff in the 70's that would be considered more heavy metallish than I Want To Know What Love Is.

4) People who enjoy Foreigner also enjoy Hall and Oates.

Sara Smile is a very cool song and one of these guys is from Philly (the one who looks like Baba Booey?), but I just can't get past Out of Touch to consider this a success yet.

5) People who enjoy Hall and Oates also enjoy The Cars.

Ric Ocasek is one very ugly mother-fucker. But the dude had so many big hits that he scored with Sports Illustrated super swim-wear model, Paulina Porizkova. (Billy Joel also bagged Christie Brinkley around the same time.) Even though the band oozed cool, I was never a huge fan. While I usually won't flip the radio when Drive or Just What I Needed comes on, I don't actively seek their songs out.

6) People who enjoy The Cars also enjoy Talking Heads.

Success!! I love the Talking Heads. And She Was is one of my favorites; Psycho Killer and Once in a Lifetime are great as well. I could listen to entire albums of theirs.


So we made it from mediocrity to something special. Hair to slick new wave. Whodathunk it?

The Phillies are just plain tapped out....

I'm just imagining that the Phillies are like a hobo with his pockets turned inside out and his shoulders shrugged, all the while a violin plays some whiny and sad music.

Apparently, despite all of the pitching woes that they are experiencing during spring training, the Phils just can't afford another 4 million dollars for another starter that's readily available. (Kyle Lohse)

"We don't have any interest in him," assistant general manager Ruben Amaro Jr. said of the free agent, a former Phillie. "The fact of the matter is we may not have the dollars and cents to do something like that at this time."

The Phillies have a payroll that could exceed $106 million on opening day, which would be a franchise record. So even if Lohse is seeking a one-year, $4 million deal, they are not interested.

So I guess they'll be trotting out some really bad pitching this year. The Durbin boys, Travis Blackley and Rosario are our best options for the 5th spot (and Kendrick may be falling back down to earth, cross your fingers he rebounds later this spring) since Eaton is a lemon and I'm glad he'll end up on the DL anyways.

Here's hoping we score 12 runs a game....

First an extra day of work and now we lose an hour of sleep?!

WTF?!

Just recently I had to work an extra day without additional pay (see leap year post), now you're telling me that this weekend we have to lose an hour of sleep because we have to "spring forward"?!!

Who was the Einstein who thought up this friggin' bright idea? It's the middle of the night and we're supposed to skip ahead an hour?!

Hey!! I have an idea!! - here's what we should do instead!

When it's time in the spring to set the clocks ahead an hour, how 'bout we do it at 4pm on a Friday?! That way the large majority of us will get to go home an extra hour early!

Brilliant!!!

But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Those evil corporate bastards would never go for that idea and they would never let their political lobbies allow their paid off congressmen and senators vote for such an idea.



sigh

He without schmaltz cast the first tease

I've been getting some flack about having "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head" on my mp3 player as posted on yesterday's blog entry.

Let me get this out in the open now.

Everyone secretly likes some sort of sappy or syrupy entertainment whether it be music or a show or a movie or what have you that is largely considered by the public as schmaltzy.

Aside from having "Mandy" by Barry Manilow on my mp3 player, I always stop to watch Riverdance when I'm flipping or enjoy some QVC or infomercials. I'll sing along to "Afternoon Delight" by the Starland Express if I hear it and sometimes I'm in the mood to listen to Olivia Newton John, Dammit!!

So if you say that you don't like anything that's "uncool", I don't believe you, you fucking liar.

My mp3 player is reading my mind!!

I realize that this sounds completely made up or I've gone off the deep end (finally!!) but I swear on my left testicle that it's true.

This morning when I was ready to leave for work it was pouring rain. Dummy me, I left my umbrella in my car, so I had to make a break for it and I got soaked as I ran to my car. Once inside I started up my mp3 player and hit the shuffle button. I have 641 songs on the player, it's supposed to hold 1000 songs but I have alot of jam band songs that last 10 minutes or longer on the player, so I'm actually surprised it holds that many. So out of the 641 songs I have, it decides to play "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head". Now I know most of you are wondering why the hell I have that song on my player. But I allow myself some guilty pleasures like BJ Thomas and Barry Manilow, thank you very much.

Of course I recognize that the apt song playing at that particular time was a small coincidence. But just then- I drove through a large puddle and swerved and lost control of the car a bit. The Blind Melon song, "No Rain" came from the mp3 player.

I quickly called my wife and told her how freaked out I was and how my mp3 player was the devil or possessed by demons or it was magical and it will somehow lead us to the promised land. She scoffed at me (yet again) and I hung up the phone. I turned onto Bristol Road in Warrington as the clouds were parting and the sun started to peek it's way through. "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles was the next tune the shuffle produced for me.

I called my wife yet again sounding even crazier than before. "It's trying to tell me something!!" My son Gabriel also picked up the phone and started to laugh at me. My own son, a non-believer. I hung up the phone and screamed frantically at the player-

"What is it that you want?! Tell Me!!"

I hit the next song button.

"Hold Me" by Fleetwood Mac came on.

Stupid me. It had wanted what everyone wants, a little love and attention. How could I have not seen this before? I held the credit card sized player gently and caressed it's display and whispered, "shhhhh...there, there, poor sweet baby"

I think it liked that as it started to play, "And You and I" by Yes.

When I arrived at work I knew our short but intense affair had to end. No one could ever understand how two things so different could be together. I had to turn off the player and right before I did it started to play, "Let Forever Be" by the Chemical Brothers.

Yes my little mp3 player, I will let forever be.

Is there a 12th level cleric with a resurrection scroll in the house?!

RIP

Gary Gygax
July 27th, 1938- March 4th, 2008

creator of Dungeons and Dragons

Now with O hit points

Secret little moments of emotional wussiness

Last night I'm sitting my easy chair and I'm watching my wife and 2 kids interact with each other. I don't even really know what they were talking about but they were laughing and smiling at each other and my 6 year old son, Gabriel seem animated and hamming it up while the 9 year old, Jonathan tried in vain to get him to stop. Meanwhile my wife Lynn was doing her best to be attentive to both kids.

Then I started to get a lump in my throat and my eyes welled up a bit (not even from the pink eye) as I thought about how much I cared for all 3 of them. As soon as the moment hit me I regained my composure. I am a man after all. I can't show stupid little moments of emotional wussiness like that.

As a preteen, I was always an emotional wreck, I cried quite a lot and would dangle my Phillie Phanatic out the window with my Mork from Ork suspenders. I would imagine how sorry they'd all be if I was the one who went out the window. Eventually, I learned to control my sadness and crying fits. I clamped down so hard that I never cried again until the week before my mother died. (and I didn't cry at the funeral) I've maybe teared up a few times since, but never let the tears come streaming down my cheeks and had an outright bawling session. It's become a natural reflex for me to stop the tears if the urge to cry ever starts.

I suppose it's emotionally unhealthy to do this. I also suppose that I come off as being cold to the people around me. But, I do have those moments of emotional wussiness and as I age and as my family grows and I become ever more fond of them with each passing day I find these moments coming to bear more and more often. Sooner or later, I will be found out and outed as a fraud. I will savor the time when it does.

Sick of being sick

So there I was, confident and cocky that I would make it through the winter season without getting an illness that was more than a 24-hour stomach bug. I was bragging to people that I was healthy this winter since I quit smoking. I laughed at the face of sniffles and sneezes and coughs. "Ah-hahahahaha!!" I'd bellow, "You shall not make a sick man out of me, oh you hoary hosts of viruses and germs!!" When I made this speech aloud, I 'd get weird looks at the grocery store, but I would just shrug them off and smile, knowingly, that I was protected this year from sickness!

Then suddenly by the middle of February, all around me people were getting this horrible cold. My trusty employee started to hack and cough and then called out sick for 6 days! I also found out that my old friend Karen was hacking and wheezing her way through work for over a week. (I successfully avoided contact with her!) Then come poker night, my good friend Dave was sniffling and hacking his lungs out while he was in my car! Almost a week passed and I thought I was safe, dare I thought nigh-invulnerable to this dreaded disease.

And then Thursday night came....

At first it seemed like I had a small head cold. "No biggie!" I thought to myself, a little sinus pressure but no coughing. "I can handle this with some antihistamines!" I swallowed a few Tylenol PM's and when I awoke Friday morning, my eye was glued shut with eye boogers. Having been through this experience before, I knew immediately what it was. I had pink eye a.k.a. conjunctivitis. It feels like your eyelid is made of sand paper and your eyes are constantly seeping with goop. The first time I got it I was visiting my friend Mike at his college at Rutgers University in my early 20's. I recall screaming across a study hall to his roommate to see if he had any Visine. It must have appeared that I was huge stoner for yelling that. (well, I was, but I wasn't stoned when I asked.) Needless to say, pink eye is a rather uncomfortable experience.

Then Friday night I started to get a low grade fever that continued all weekend and my head cold made me feel even worse. My sinus pressure is awful and I even resorted to using those kooky sinus rinses where you squirt a solution up one nostril and it comes out the other nostril. I feel tired and somewhat achy but I haven't started coughing yet. I know the hacking and wheezing will eventually come. I have resigned myself to the cold Gods and will soon sacrifice a lamb to appease their anger at me for being so bold. I can only pray that my cold ends soon or that my death will be a quick and painless event.