Rating the Kids shows part IV- Chowder

I haven't reviewed the kids' shows as often as I originally said I would back in December, so my apologies. Let's see if we can get back on track with the surprisingly delightful show, Chowder.

Chowder is probably the first children's oriented show to feature trippy drug-inspired landscapes and surreal characters and plot since Sid and Marty Krofft did their shows like H.R. Puffnstuff & The Bugaloos back in the late 60's and early 70's. The show focuses on the self-titled character, Chowder, and his apprenticeship at a bakery/catering place located in the exotic town of Marzipan. That's about the most straightforward part of the show.

Chowder himself seems to be an amalgam of different animals. He has an insatiable appetite, likes to scream alot and seems to suffer from ADDHD. He basically reminds me of my two sons. I suppose Chowder is the symbol for the all-American kid. He works for the doddering master chef Mung Daal. Mung's creations in the kitchen would give Willy Wonka a run for his money but instead of delighting children's sweet teeth they would perhaps chomp the children back. Mung's wife, Truffles is the boss (as are all wives if you think about it) and seems to be an evil fairy with the voice of Carol Kane. (I was actually surprised to learn it wasn't her in the credits at IMDB.com) They also have a souschef that goes by the name of Schnitzel. Schnitzel is a tall imposing creature that only can seem to say, "radda radda radda radda" in different emotive syntax. There are also some side characters that fill out the Marzipan community, my favorite being the Devil-like bunny, Paninni, who claims to be Chowder's girlfriend despite his protests.

Aside from the occasional gross joke, Chowder is a funny, clever and wild show. It just debuted last spring but I have to rank it right up there with SpongeBob Squarepants in fun to watch kids' shows. Aside from the fun brightly colored animation, the show mixes in some puppetry just as SpongeBob throws in the ocassional live action shot. There is some dissociative cognosence whenever there is a clothing pattern like a plaid on a character's clothing or skin as the pattern seems to move in the same way that the lips do on Clutch Cargo.

Minor complaints aside, I find myself chuckling to outright laughing at times to this show. If I was still into the bong, I'd pack myself a big old bowl the next time they run a marathon on Cartoon Network. There is definitely some heady and creative stuff for the kids to watch. I'll cite the episode where they had two 15 minute segments of the same action but viewed from 2 different characters' point of view as a perfect example of this. They also break up the cliches of standard storytelling and common mythos with some unexpected twists along the way. How my soon to be 10 year old follows along is anyone's guess. I bet when he gets older he'll appreciate the show for different reasons than he does now, much like how I look back at shows like The Muppets.

Wow, I just compared this show to a Jim Henson attached project- high praise indeed. I give Chowder a 8.768914 out of 10.

Animal Planet

This past weekend we took the plunge and decided to give it another go with raising goldfish. I guess the empty tank was too depressing for me to look at and fish are cheap anyways if you already have the hardware. We were in even bigger luck as the pet store was having a 75% off fish sale. I let my 2 kids pick their fish and I picked out a white and orange fish that I named Whitey. I guess I'm either still missing Richie Ashburn or I'm a closet racist. The kids named their fish Kingdra (named after a Pokemon) and Leo Jr. (in honor of Leo Sr. RIP).

The fish took to their new tank like a duck to water. Hopefully whatever killed the first fish isn't present any more. They have survived 4 days, so far, so good. The rabbits in my yard, however, aren't as lucky...

This morning my wife called in a tizzy as our youngest cocker spaniel, Brutus, had brought in a present from outside- a dead mutilated baby bunny. Not only did he kill a baby bunny but he also killed its 2 siblings and destroyed a nest underneath our porch. While my wife found it disturbing, I merely view it as "pest control". Hopefully Momma Rabbit gets the hint. My older cocker, Sammy, in her younger days has caught at least 6 mice outside. Cockers have a hunting/retreival instinct bred into them. I guess Brutus has a taste more akin to french food. His pallete is much more refined I suppose. In either case, I say "good riddance" to small rodents and mammals living in my back yard.

Played okay, lost anyways

Last Saturday I set some goals for myself and I think I did a good job of following those goals. Nonetheless my luck didn't hold out for me towards the end and I missed the money and came in 4th place. The night was interesting to say the least as there was a blow up between two players and for whatever reasons everyone except one guy had the worst gas. It was akin to the beans scene in Blazing Saddles. Duane- crack a window next time!!

So, despite the chemical warfare and unfriendly argument I managed to play decently. Let's take a look at my goals and review-

Goal #1: Fold trouble hands like Ace Ten and lower, King Queen, and Queen Jack from any position except the button and blinds while my stack to blinds ratio (aka "M") is 20:1 or better.

I did really well at this. The exception was one hand where I played KJ suited and lost a decent pot for just the same reasons I shouldn't come in out of position with trouble hands like that. Aside from that I folded alot of hands that I usually donk around with largely because I'm bored. I was happy with my discipline. I ultimately lost with a QJ but it was only 4 handed and my M was about 6 so with one limper and a caller and me in the big blind I took an all in shove stab. Got called by KT and was on my way.

Goal#2: Use my position to take a pot from one of the LAG players.

Well I did this, kinda. The player was more of a LAP than a LAG (loose passive vs loose aggressive) but the big LAG at the game was directly to my left so there wasn't much opportunity to use my position on him. Not to mention the fact that he's really been playing tighter lately and may not even be as Laggy as before. In the hand, I stole using solely position and "air" (aka a bad hand that wasn't going to improve.) The board was perfectly set to make him believe I had a hand better than his. I got a big pot out of that steal and I may even had gotten a bad call out of him later on in the game as he figured me for bluffing again.

Goal #3: Play to win, not to cash. This may sound weird to some of you, but it means to play aggressively enough to amass chips to get a better chance of taking 1st place money and not play passively to just make the money.

Hard to say- for a while there we were all playing cautiously. when we got 5 and 4 handed. I started to bluff a bit more with some limited success but Ican't say I was as aggressive as I wanted to be. Part of the problems, in my opinion was that the blinds were capped too early. Part of my game is use the escalating blinds to my advantage and steal, steal, steal. I was in that range of 10-20 M (blinds to stack ratio) which is frustrating as you're too deep stacked for all in steals but pot committed rather quickly after coming into a pot. I will have to analyze this goal further later.

Goal#4: Don't try to trap unless I have a dominated board in which case most bets will scare others away from the pot. In other words I may even bet out if I flop trips if the board is right. Obviously, if I flop a full house or nut flush, I'm better off letting people "catch up" a little to get more money.

I did get an unexpected full house (sevens full of fives) out of the big blind and tried to trap on the river to a usually aggressive bettor. He unfortunately missed completely and checked behind without a bluff. Aside from that, I got pocket Kings 4 or 5 times that night and played all but one straight forward and won some decent sized pots as a result. It pays to get your money in loose games when you have the goods, don't screw around if you don't have to. Goal accomplished here.

Goal#5: Act slower and be more patient in order to think more methodically about what hands people have and what bets would be best to make or not make.

I think I did this with the exception of one or two times. I am getting more patient and analytical and I was happy with my improvement last game.

In summary my concentration was up and despite some unfortunate side stuff, the game was enjoyable and I was happy with the way I played despite my lack of reward for doing so. Better luck in my cash game coming up at the end of the month!

Tourney goals for tomorrow

It's been a mediocre year for me in playing tournaments. I'm slightly under break even for the year. I'd be ahead if I didn't have the heads up meltdowns. I need to refocus and start setting some goals. Setting goals for the short term in poker isn't necessarily attainable. Luck and variance plays more of a factor in just one or two tournaments than skill does. However, I wish to set some goals for tomorrow's tournament because it will at least give me something to focus on. Obviously, I play better when I concentrate more and right now I need any edge I can get.

Goal #1: Fold trouble hands like Ace Ten and lower, King Queen, and Queen Jack from any position except the button and blinds while my stack to blinds ratio (aka "M") is 20:1 or better.

Goal#2: Use my position to take a pot from one of the LAG players.

Goal #3: Play to win, not to cash. This may sound weird to some of you, but it means to play aggressively enough to amass chips to get a better chance of taking 1st place money and not play passively to just make the money.

Goal#4: Don't try to trap unless I have a dominated board in which case most bets will scare others away from the pot. In other words I may even bet out if I flop trips if the board is right. Obviously, if I flop a full house or nut flush, I'm better off letting people "catch up" a little to get more money.

Goal#5: Act slower and be more patient in order to think more methodically about what hands people have and what bets would be best to make or not make.

Easier said than done, but Sunday I'll go over this list and see how I did.

Shuffle up and deal.

Thought of the day

The cast of thirtysomething are all in their 50's.




sigh

Sick of the Slowskys

They're hard to miss. Those Comcast high speed cable internet commercials with the turtle family named the Slowskys. The turtles are slow and want their world to be slow including their internet service, so of course, they have DSL. Why the Slowskys don't use AOL dial up is beyond me. It's even slower than DSL. Hell, they can have my old 2600 baud rate modem if they like it really slow. I guess Comcast feels that they compete more with Verizon more than anyone else.

The problem with the Slowskys, aside from the fact that I see the commercials 3 times in a half hour program, is that they're quite cranky- even for reptiles. I like the anti-hero as much as the next fellow but the Slowskys' antics are quite unbecoming. Carol is a passive aggressive and Bill is flat out nasty at times. He even berated the postal service worker who delivered his mail. You'd think Bill would have an affinity for the mailman since he likes things slow.

I'm also amazed that the anti-defamation league hasn't gotten involved. Considering that the turtles name end in "sky" it's not a far fetched leap to think they are Polish. Calling Pollacks "slow" is quite offensive to many Americans of eastern European decent as they have battled this notion ever since the it's been said it takes three of them to change a light bulb. The ink on the patent from Edison was hardly dry when that joke came about and yet here we are in 2008 still battling prejudices and stereotypes in the media. Next thing you know Comcast will have a Kangaroo family named the Goldbergs who will be putting all their loose change in their pouches because they saved money by using the Comcast triple play deal.

Well Bill and Carol Slowsky, I hope you are fast when it comes to leaving my TV screen.

Okay, seriously, it's totally, ummm...like, annoying or something

I drive my kids to camp every morning during the summer and I've been eavesdropping in on their conversations. The one thing I've noticed aside from the fact that my kids really, really, love Pokemon is that their language is now becoming more influenced by their peers and friends than by me and my wife.

For starters my sons are using the following words at an increased rate-

Okay

Seriously

Totally

umm...like...

or something

These are words that I'll use their proper context and not too often to color up my descriptions. So their increased usage is certainly not coming from me. I have noticed that when their friends come over that they are also using the same speech patterns, so it's likely that they are feeding each other the words. Usually their conversations sound something like this-

Gabriel: Okay, okay, seriously...umm...like Chimcharr is umm...like, totally evolving or something.

Jonathan: ummm...like Chimcharr is like totally evolving or something, seriously?


Somehow they understand their each other as the conversation does have a nice flow to it. It's like my kids have learned to find a way to annoy me without overtly defying my orders. I fear it's just going to get worse as they age and become aliens (aka teenagers). The texting will make matters worse as they will have yet another language to fool me.

Okay, so umm like seriously I need to totally start learning their language or something.

Morgan Freeman is balla yo!!

Apparently the ubiquitous actor, Morgan Freeman, got into a really nasty accident last night as his car overturned several times on a Mississippi highway. They even had to use the jaws of life to get him out of the wreckage and be airlifted to the nearest hospital. It appears he's mostly okay, he definitely needs some casts and surgery for multiple broken bones, but he'll live. After reading this article I realized how super cool Morgan really is and it's not just an act.

"Freeman's 1997 Nissan Maxima was heading eastbound on Mississippi Highway 32 when the car went off the edge of the road and overturned several times before coming to a stop."

Easy Reader's ride is a 1997 Maxima- oh yeah! Dude has all the money he'll ever want and he drives a 12 year old car. Good for him, environmentally conscious and ubercool to boot!

I'm gonna party like it's 1994

I know I blog too much about feeling old when I haven't even reached my 40's yet. But I've experienced the strange phenomena of thinking I'm in 1994 way too often lately. I'm not specifically thinking I'm 24 but whenever someone mentions to me that such and such happened in 1992 I think to myself that it was a recent occurrence when in fact it was SIXTEEN YEARS ago.

Hell, even things that have happened in the early 2000's are over 5-7 years ago. That's a lifetime for my youngest son Gabriel. I guess the 80's have a strong enough nostalgia following that I don't view much of what happened in the 80's as something recent. Ronald Reagan, Michael Jackson who was black and wore one gem studded glove, the space shuttle blowing up and Max Headroom are all things that seem like ancient history to me. But Kurt Cobain's death, the grunge look, Bill Clinton getting a BJ, and 911 are all things that feel like they've happened in the past year.

I guess it's a 20-25 year trend for actual nostalgia to set in. Happy Days and American Graffiti came out in the 70's when nostalgia for the 50's was at it's peak. I certainly recall a feel good movement over the hippies and Woodstock in the late 80's as well.

What's even stranger is that while I feel like things in the 90's aren't all that long ago the reverse seems to be true for gadgets and inventions. Technology is progressing so fast that it makes you feel like things are outdated before they even turn 3 years old. I looked at my cell phone from 2002 and it looks like a bulky and clumsy punch card fed computer. You ever look at pictures of iPods when they first came out? While they aren't exactly dowdy the look and feel is entirely different just a few years later. Heck, it wasn't a long time when you owned a Pentium I and felt out of sorts because the Pentium 2's just came out.

So, technology goes faster than actual history and nostalgia does. The back and forth is causing me great stress lately as I am afraid that next year the iPhone will be obsolete and I'll try to go see The Mask at the theater. Chalk it up to cognitive dissonance or just my crazy brain but I can't seem to have a grasp on what year it is. Please, someone tell me this isn't 2008 and I've been dreaming.

NEBTDTRT Exclusive!!

Big scoop!! Picture of the Phillies' front office during the trade deadline!

Mixing it up

Last night I had the extreme pleasure of seeing my old friend Andy aka Mister Odney for the 1st time in 15 years. We went to the Police concert at the Wachovia center and had a super fun time. I had a moment of feeling old upon seeing Sting's gray beard and Andy Summer's old man hands with bulging blue veins and translucent skin covered with age spots up close on the huge video screen playing his guitar. They played alot of good b-side sings that I haven't heard in ages and truly enjoyed. Sting's voice had lost an octave but he was still Sting. Stuart Copeland, the drummer, was, as always, abso-fan-fucking-tastic-lutely amazing. In alot of ways I'm glad they haven't recreated any more new music for the studio as it was good to hear all of the old classic Police.

I had a few surreal and funny moments last night as my mind seemed to combine things that shouldn't be combined. For starters before the show began, the lighted advertisements kept repeating the upcoming acts, among them was the Wiggles and Nine Inch Nails. I pointed that out to Andy and he asked if they were touring together. Of course, I started to imagine a concert where the 2 groups played songs together like, Get Ready to Fuck You Like an Animal. At that point I had to get a beer and I wandered out onto the concourse.

The first concession stand I came across was a Carvell. Not in the mood for ice cream, I was about to walk by until I noticed that they were selling cans of beer and no ice cream at all. I got in line and was met by a blank stare from the clerk when I asked for a Heineken and a Cookiepuss. Some people just can't seem to find humor in their jobs, I suppose.

Eventually, after the show started they played one of my favorite Police songs, I Can't Stand Losing You. The song was completely ruined for me because for some reason after they had close up of Sting's smiling face all I could think of was his bit role in the movie Dune. In particular the scene where he emotes the line repeatedly, "I will kill him!". If you've seen the movie you know what I'm talking about. The acting was terrible and for the life of me I could not get that image of my head. I started to uncontrollably giggle through the whole song.

Some things aren't meant to be combined, fortunately a good time with an old friend wasn't one of those instances.

Too brilliant for TV

Some TV shows gather a cult following and critical acclaim but never seem to get the ratings needed to keep executives happy and the money flowing to produce said shows.

FireFly, Arrested Development and Jericho are a few examples of this. While I loved all of those shows, the one that really was super edgy and twistedly funny and I really miss these days is a show called, Wonder Showzen.

The show aired on MTV2 and usually ran in a late night time slot as the show was definitely made for an adult audience and was truly disturbing at times. The basic premise was a Sesame Street and Electric Company type of format that lampooned everything from sex changes to drugs and death. Since the format was a parody of a children's show the show was intensely disturbing. No subject was taboo and they even had a recurring sketch where kids did on the street reporting that was called, "Beat Kids".

Once you got over the initial shock of watching puppets take drugs and hire hookers the show was astoundingly funny and the satire was top notch. My favorite character was a cloyishly cute blue puppet reminiscent of Elmo that asked incredibly inappropriate questions of real people on the street. He was so obnoxious that some people would actually chase after the puppet in anger. One guy even put his cigarette out in his mouth.

I wouldn't recommend this show to everyone and there are only a few friends of mine who would "get it". But, if you're one of those sick bastards like me, buy the DVD's or go watch some clips here.

EDIT: apparently there's some problems with the videos so here's some clips I found on the web-

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

The magnificent return of Kelly Leak!!!

When they announced the cast of The Watchmen last year (was it during Comicon 07?) I didn't recognize anyone right off the bat. I checked some of the IMDB pages and when it came to Rorschach I saw that a Jackie Earle Haley was playing the uber-cool vigilante gone paranoid. I looked at his picture quickly, didn't instantly recognize his face and saw a bunch of bit roles and TV credits to his name. I didn't scan all the way down the list.

Flash forward to last month where my Blockbuster movie mail service sent me Semi-pro. Yes, yes, I admit watching that turd but I do have a soft spot for Will Ferrell. One of the only funny moments in the movie was when a drugged out homeless man won $10,000 from making an unlikely full court shot. Will Ferrell's character didn't actually have the money and dodged the druggie repeatedly throughout the film when he would complain that the banks wouldn't cash his oversized check. The homeless druggie just started looking really familiar to me and I thought that he looked like the kid from The Bad News Bears.

After watching the movie I popped on over to IMDB.com and confirmed that my suspicions were indeed true. And then I spotted it. The kid who played Kelly Leak is the same guy who will be playing Rorschach.

Good to see the old slugger getting some work. I hope he's good. The character of Rorschach is probably the most pivotal of all the roles in Watchmen.

Hurrmmm...

Bride of Grandson of 6 Degrees of Napster

Okay, same rules as before, but this time we'll start with the innocuous and harmless, The Wiggles and see if we can get to hard core rap. Tipper Gore and the like may want to get their branding irons out...


We'll start with a children's music group that have their own show on the Disney channel- The Wiggles. My kids watched the show with glee as they sang their popular songs such as Hot Potato, Big Red Car and Fruit Salad. It's as tame as you can get.

1) People who enjoy The Wiggles also enjoy The Archies.

Move over Gorillaz, wikipedia claims that The Archies and Alvin and the Chipmunks were the original virtual bands. The Archies are still rather tame. They may appeal to people to over 5 years old but their only hit, Sugar, Sugar, was bubble gum pop and as innocent as Sally Field's Gidget.

2) People who enjoy The Archies also enjoy Fats Domino.

Ahh yes, I can see a little controversy is making its way to our list. Back in his day, Fats would play the devil's music. Certainly tame by today's standards, Blueberry Hill, is about teens schnogging and sucking face in their cars. Make no mistake, Richie Cunningham was a horny guy on Happy Days. The Fonz may have gotten all the action in Milwaukee but Richie used this song to try and get some.

3) People who enjoy Fats Domino also enjoy Smokey Robinson.

The Tracks of my Tears is a great song and Smokey is certainly not tame. But it's not exactly hard core stuff yet, we're halfway there and I wonder of we'll get there...

4) People who enjoy Smokey Robinson also enjoy Stevie Wonder.

Stevie Wonder is a fantastic song writer and performer. He's about as good as they come. He may be adult oriented in his themes but You Are the Sunshine of my Life isn't exactly hard core. This is my best bet for a good link, however, as many rappers have sampled Stevie thru the years.

5) People who enjoy Stevie Wonder also enjoy Busta Rhymes.

Finally a parental advisory label! Busta Rhymes is not full on hard core yet, but we cerainly have some explicit lyrics. Gimme Some More!!

6) People who enjoy Busta Rhymes also enjoy 2Pac.

Success!! We are so hard core that we have ourselves some actual real life gang violence associated with our artist, 2Pac. We made it from Wags the Dog to 2 of Amerikaz Most Wanted. Tipper and crew never would have guessed that those Australians for kiddies were so related to hard core.

Whatever happened to fruit gum?

I like to chew gum. I usually get sugarless gum instead of the Hubba Bubba, Juicy Fruit, and Bazooka varieties. I like the fruity flavors on occasion as minty gums can get tedious. But lately all of the sugarless fruity gums are always being mixed with mint. I don't know if it's because it extends the flavor or if one company did it first and then the rest are copycatting it because they were successful. Whatever the reason, I'm getting sick of it.

I was sick of the mint marketing mafia (which we will now deem MMM for the rest of this blog post) even before they infiltrated our fruit gums. Mint is mint, right? Personally, I think there's a subtle difference between peppermint and spearmint but I can't tell the difference between artic mint and ice mint. Apparently, there must exist a multitude of mint sommeliers because the list of mint flavors is exceedingly long. The MMM has come up with mint, sweet mint, peppermint, spearmint, ice mint, artic mint, velamint, cool mint, fresh mint, cactus mint, cinnamon mint, fire mint, hot mint, spicy mint, and doublemint. (what a predica-mint!!)

Perhaps the MMM has a huge surplus of mint stored somewhere because now they are pushing their mint products alongside the fruit flavorings. Want berry gum? Sorry, it's berrymint now. There's even a bubblemint, where they mix their mint with good old fashioned bubble gum flavor. I've had melon mint and cool colada. Both of which were equally disturbing to my palette. Damn it all! I just want to get my sweet on! I don't need to bring mint to the flavor party. If I want mint I'll just go buy one of those super strong mints that they sell now.

The MMM's mint campaign had a serious escalation at the turn of the century when they came out with those super powerful mints. It seemed that the smaller the mint was the more minty it would make your mouth feel. It was akin to putting a tab of acid on your tongue. We all looked drug users in 2002 when you could even put a strip of cellophane on your tongue that turned to super minty goo upon direct contact with saliva. I surmised back then that eventually mints will be microscopic and make one's breath be able to refrigerate your beer.

Perhaps the MMM should go back to pushing their super mints and leave my fruit gums alone. If we don't make a stand now and boycott the artic pineapple mint gums of the world then they will most certainly try to push their way into our entire grocery selection. If you want Cool Rice-a-Minty or spearmint potato chips then by all means, keep on buying.

I hate poker

well....not really, but it sure has been frustrating lately when I keep getting cold cards.

I mentioned that I played poorly in a tourney last Saturday. My demise came when my AK met pocket queens and didn't improve. Last night at Lottery Larry's tournament of champions game, I had deja vu when I was short stacked and was faced with 5 limpers and I was in the small blind with jack seven suited. My hand was meaningless as there was 25% of my stack in the pot including the blinds and if I could use my short stack while it still had fold equity I could make a push and pick up a nice pot. Even if I get called by one of the limpers It's very likely I have 2 "live cards". It's doubtful I was facing a big pair as no one but the first limper would try to foray into a limped pot with a big pair. So I made it look like I had a good hand and pushed all in and the big blind, the only person that I had no reasonable read on, woke up with pocket queens and went all in himself. The others folded and even though I technically hit a full house (the board was 88833), he had a better full house and I was on the rail.

I can at least claim that my early night was due to grief. My wife called me just as the tournament started to let me know that our last goldfish, Michael, had finally succumbed to whatever ailment his two compatriots had fallen to.

RIP
Michael
2007-2008

While the fish were dying at my house, the fish seemed to be thriving at Lottery Larry's house. I am reluctant to mention hands and names as Lottery Larry has recently taken passages from my blog without permission and put it into his trip report. (he'll be hearing from my lawyers Dewey, Phuc M, Goode, & Howe) I don't wish to publicly call anyone a bad player and criticize their hands. Especially since I am no big shakes myself. I like to think I am always improving in poker, but I most certainly don't make all the right moves nor claim to be an expert. I'll just say that worst hand kept winning. Over and over and over again. Even in the low limit cash game I played in afterwards, I had my aces cracked by 67 with a CAPPED PREFLOP POT! (in other words, the bets were raised and reraised 4 times- the most allowed.)

I can't complain all that much, I had fun joking around and I didn't lose very much money. The best line of the night came from the razz specialist, Dan. A player came over to the cash game from the tourney and started complaining that he was knocked out on the bubble. He started playing alot of crappy hands like 10 4 off suit and was winning big pots. He then claimed in defense of his bad play-

"I was a two-thirds favorite to win that hand on the bubble and I lost, so why should I play good hands if that doesn't seem to work?"

Dan quickly remarked, "Because two out of three times you aren't going out on the bubble?"

ahhh...nerd humor...

High Stakes Poker will be back for season 5!

I can't seem to find the official confirmation but according to several blogs from poker players and 2+2 it appears that the show High Stakes Poker will tape it's fifth season in September and air on GSN in February. Originally the option for HSP wasn't renewed and the World Poker Tour was also let go on the Game show Network. It looked bleak for poker on TV as the only shows that were being produced was a time buy in Poker After Dark airing at 2:30AM, The World Series on ESPN and the Heads Up challenge that airs once a year on NBC.

PAD did fill the void of the lack of cash game play by airing a week of cash games last week but it's regular format is a 6 person sit and go. I think that cash is ultimately more interesting to watch and play than a tournament where increasing blinds create variance and dictate action. I suppose the TV execs want the all in action but I think if done well with a good commentator cash games can make for a more interesting show.

Why GSN had the change of heart? I have no idea, but nonetheless, I'm glad it will be back. I will also personally hunt down males aged 18-35 with neilson boxes and make them watch the show. I should've done this years ago for Arrested Development and Firefly.

Phils win in a big comeback, no thanks to Blanton

The Phils could hardly muster but 2 runs against Mets staff ace Johan Santana tonight. Blanton didn't pitch all that well (surprise, surprise) in his debut for the Phillies as he let up 5 runs in 6innings. Although I still contend that we will regret this trade for years, it was great to see a magnificent comeback 9th inning win.

Down by 5-2 and no Billy Wagner available for the Mets to close out the game, the Phillies had the following players go on base without making an out-

Werth
Dobbs
Victorino
Ruiz
Taguchi
Rollins

Not the players you'd expect to mount a huge comeback as there wasn't any real power hitters in there. The biggest hit was a bases loaded double that came off the bat of Mr. Awful this year himself, So Taguchi.

When the inning finally ended they were up by 8-5. Lidge successfully closed it out and the Phils won 8-6.

This was one of those games that you look back on as one the top 3 or 4 games of the year that make you look back and smile big. Whenever you beat your divisional rival in an unlikely come from behind win to take sole possession of 1st place, I think it becomes one of those moments where you're overcome with wonderful feelings of being a baseball fan.

Thanks So, I'm sorry I bad mouthed you so many times this year. I'm sure come the next game I'll be bad mouthing you again, but you were key tonight. Let's pull for 2 more big wins!!!

The Darker Knight

tsk tsk tsk

Christian Bale, the actor that plays Batman, was arrested recently for allegedly assaulting his own mother. Wow, If true I guess all that money from his percentage of gross from this weekend's record breaking box office had made him so angry and violent that he would hit his own Ma. If this isn't proof that fame and money don't buy happiness then I don't know what does. Celebrities are just as infallible as we are and perhaps more so. I'd argue that you have to be a crazy wack job to be in the public spot light. So perhaps their proclivities make them more apt to do things most of us wouldn't even consider.

Just look at Mel Gibson's anti-semitic drunken rants, Britney Spear's umbrella attacks and head shaving adventures, and murderous rampages by OJ Simpson. Well, okay so maybe the last example was a bit extreme, but you get the point. We see actors act on television and movies and asume that they have their shit together when in fact it may even be worse for them.

It's hard to be in control when you aren't.

Butt Glue

Since I was ordered to rest my foot by my doctor I am confined to my chair in my office right now. I can't really skip work as our sole employee already had requested the day off. Thus I am answering the phones and emails as my brother gets some much needed exercise in the warehouse as he puts together the orders.

While I will be helping out I won't have all that much to do. It's bad enough when I have lulls at work when I'm out in the warehouse but it'll be even worse with me stuck in a chair. So look out blog posts, facebook, and internet message boards!!

Aside from it's incredible utility, the internet is a huge waste of time. But time killing is what cures my ails right now. Like most of us, I've always required some sort of mental stimuli in order for me to function. Which, of course, brings us back to "what did we ever do without the internet?" feeling.

The Dark Knight

Wow!

I promised a review but I feel that I can't give this movie it's proper due as it will just come across as me gushing on and on about how great it was.

Just go see it. It's worth your 10 bucks.


In some ways I feel that any superhero story that comes out now will pale in comparison to this movie.

I can die happy now. My inner nerd is sated.

Good old self-medication!

One of the main symptoms of mood disorders is drug or alcohol abuse. The reason for this is that the unaware bipolar person ends up self-medicating themselves to regulate their moods. The unfortunate consequence is that their friends and family tend to focus solely on the drug problem and blame the behavior on the drugs or alcohol. Those who aren't addicted quit the drugs rather easily but still suffer the mood swings and thus end up using again or over indulging.

It was no secret that the past week was a bit manic for me. (well, I did blog as such) I admit that instead of going back on proper medication I over indulged in alcohol this past weekend. Alcohol is a depressant and it for the most part it quells my racing thoughts. I knew what I was doing and I figured it would be "fun" instead of feeling foggy on Zyprexa. Gotta love mania induced logic as I paid the price.

For starters I performed horribly in the Saturday poker tournament. I was basically hung over by the time I got there. I grew impatient rather quickly and was the 2nd to bust out as I overplayed AK vs. QQ. After being inebriated for most of the remainder of the weekend I woke last night with horrible foot pain. I can't even walk on it. The worst part is that I have no idea as to what the heck I did to it. I'm guessing in my drunken state I must've stumbled enough to cause some damage. My x-rays revealed nothing today so it appears I have sprained ligaments of my metatarsals.

"Fun"

During my doctor appointment I got a renewal of mood stabilizing medications. Hopefully, I can have the control to make a better decision the next time I get as "up" as I did this past week.

The triumphant return of the comic book nerd!!

If the Simpsons character to the right (aptly named the "Comic Book Guy") makes you laugh then you must have met a comic book nerd somewhere along your travels. While I like to think that I am a bit more socially adept; I am at times a full blown comic book nerd. At one point in my life I had over 25 boxes of comic books! I had to grow up eventually after having kids, so I sold them all (at a loss). However, I still get uppity when it comes to the recent rush of comic book characters showing up in movies. All of which, I would read in my bedroom in Richboro or my dorm room in College Park Maryland.

The really good stuff like A History of Violence, Road to Perdition and Persepolis is not even known by most people to be comic book errr...ahem!!...excuse me... graphic novel material. Thus I won't include that material in this discussion. I am referring to, of course, super heroes.

Let's face it, it's hard to explain to a girl you have sexual interest in that Spiderman, the X-men, and Batman have some really good and thought-provoking stories. I'll readily admit that there's more chaff than wheat in the industry as a whole, but writers like Alan Moore, Grant Morrison and Frank Miller could make some damn good superhero comic books that would appeal to a mature audience. The only thing you could do was give someone a copy of Batman: Year One or The Watchmen and hope that would actually read it because if they did, you'd have a convert. But, alas, even my own wife can't get through The Watchmen. She has a hard deciphering which panel to read next and I don't think she has the nerd gene that allows her to read comic books.

Which brings us to the current rush of movies.

In a way, it started with the Tim Burton Batman movie. Today that movie looks silly compared to Batman Begins despite it's initial lauded reaction by the general masses. Movies like Spiderman, Iron Man and X-men are not only getting people to see how good a superhero story can be but they are also becoming very profitable for Hollywood. There are some clunkers like Daredevil and Fantastic Four and also some near misses like Superman Returns but if you let Hollywood get a hold of any printed material they will most likely screw it up. The ratio of good movies vs. bad superhero movies is actually quite good compared to most of your popular fiction novels that have been given the movie treatment. I suppose the fact that comic books are essentially story boards is what lends itself to better translation. It just becomes a matter of good writing and the fact that special effect technology is there to create "plausibility".

Tonight, I am seeing a movie in the theater without the kids for the 1st time in over a year. I have been psyched to see Dark Knight ever since the ending scene of Batman Begins. Based on the reviews I have been seeing, Dark Knight appears to be that movie that will justify my comic book nerdom. It is the movie that will let the general masses see that even a superhero story can have substance and meat and thoughtful art. It is the movie that will make my 30 years of reading in shame all worthwhile. I know my expectations are high but I know they will met. I'll try and put in my own personal review sometime this weekend.

Personally, I think The Watchmen is the greatest superhero story told in graphic novels and I'm very excited to see the movie next year. But I fear that a 2.5 hour movie will not do it justice. A good Batman and Joker story doesn't need to be longer than 2.5 hours whereas The Watchmen is a complete story and not a serial comic. Nonetheless, good stories are making their way to the big screen. Me and my fellow comic book nerds are in a golden age.

Best comic movie era ever!

Fuck you Pat Gillick

Joe Blanton sucks donkey balls, he is NOT an upgrade. Yes we need pitching, yes we should trade away premium prospects like Cardenas to get said pitching. BUT NOT FOR BLANTON WHO SUCKS THIS YEAR JUST AS MUCH AS ADAM FUCKING EATON.

You make it hard to be a Phillies fan today.

Watchmen preview

EDIT-

they removed it from youtube!! Dammit!!

EDIT on the EDIT-

as posted by Mr. Odney himself- Preview in glorious HD

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

7 hours sleep in the last 2 nights and I'm revved up and raring to go!

YEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!


Damn, it feels great at times but I sure could use a breather...

Manic mania

The past 2 days I've definitely been manic. Although you might think when I'm manic I would post up a storm on the blog but the contrary is quite true. It's just hard to concentrate and focus long enough to even make a 2 paragraph blog post. I may be fun to chat with but I'm certainly in no shape to make whimsical blog entries.

I'm sure things will get ugly in a few days, so in the meantime I'm going to enjoy myself while trying not to get myself into debt or trouble.

Until then-

bisous

Rooting for the hotness

The World Series of Poker Main Event is down to the final 3 tables of 27 players. The only two "recognizable" names are actress and poker hostess Tiffany Michelle and known pro Brandon Cantu. I can't say that I knew of Tiffany Michelle other than her hosting on camera for Pokernews.com. I have no idea if she is a good player or not. Quite frankly, with past winners like Jerry Yang and Jamie Gold, I don't think it will be required. Apparently she has some minor acting roles to go along with her poker hosting duties.

While it isn't definite, it is very possible for her to make the final table with her currently being in 3rd place out the 27. Sure, she could have an epic meltdown like me last Saturday but her odds are good she'll make the final table. She'll be the 1st woman to make the final 9 since Barbara Enright did it for the 1st time in 1995. This year they are taking a 4 month break after the final 9 is set so ESPN can air the final table 2 days after showing all of their coverage up til then. That way they can keep the winner more suspenseful. The extra media coverage will also make the final 9 stars instead of unknowns (and more marketable). If Tiffany makes it she will have the spotlight thrust on her the brightest.

Which in my opinion is a very good thing. In some ways it's a shame that her good looks will be a part of that fact but it will perhaps encourage women to not be so intimidated at the poker table. Plus the extra ratings will be a very good thing for those who enjoy watching poker on television as lately the ratings have not been stellar. Shows like High Stakes Poker haven't been renewed and I miss that show terribly.

So if a nice looking female can play decently or get lucky and thus gets some extra press for poker, it's all good. Poker could use some more positive stories after two big cheating scandals in Ultimate Bet and Absolute Poker. (look for 60 minutes this September) Plus it's better than watching Phil Hellmuth throw another tantrum and berate players.

Tie a yellow ribbon...

Charities are good. Charities need to advertise in some fashion as it helps them get more donations. Whomever invented the ribbon idea was a genius. Everyone knows a yellow ribbon is for hostages or vets, pink ribbons are for breast cancer. But after that it starts to get a bit hazy.

Nowadays you need a color coordination chart to know what color ribbon represents which charity.

"Honey, the car in front of us has a mauve ribbon!"

(scans the chart) "Oh! That's habitat for humanity!"


I guess, it's not the worst thing to have a ribbon for every charity, but really, wouldn't it be more memorable for that charity to have their own symbol or reminder?

Heads up melt downs

This past weekend's poker tourney I cruised into the final two with a 7 to 1 chip lead.

I came in 2nd.

It's the 2nd such meltdown this year. I know anyone can win heads up due to higher variances but it is certainly disappointing and it makes me wonder if I have a serious weak spot.

I do feel I get somewhat impatient heads up and my aggressive play may be too strong. But then again, the short stack is usually 10 big blinds or less so any action taken needs to be forceful or else you're just giving away chips.

While I doubt myself at my heads up skills I do think when I play live my table talk gets people to call me down when I have the goods. The fact that I joke alot and perform some antics gives people the impression I am playing too many hands when in fact I'm playing rather tight.

I guess if I were to take 2nd in every tourney I wouldn't be so upset but it smarts when you have such a commanding lead and can't hold on. I have yet another tourney this coming weekend, here's hoping I get a chance to practice my heads up play.

TJ Cookier

This is old time poker player and degenerate gambler TJ Cloutier...



Someone on the poker fan website pocket 5's saw this cookie....



...and thought that if he were to combine the 2 pictures the resulting picture would be funny. (and it was!!)



Now I know it may seem stupid to you, but I've literally been laughing at this picture for over a week now. So, I feel compelled to share. They've even started a whole thread dedicated to putting TJ Cookier in different situations and movie posters over at 2+2. Enjoy!!


(snicker...TJ Cookier...guffaw!)

The fish are dropping like flies!!

RIP Leo
2007-2008


Yet another dead fish in the tank this morning. I didn't say anything to kids this time as I needed to drop them off at camp and get to work. My lack of being up front with the news of their pet's passing was based solely on their previous over the top reaction to the death of their first fish. I would have been at least a half hour late if I informed them of Leo's demise. But really, I do think Leo would have wanted it that way. I am the main fish food dispenser after all, so one can logically assume that he did like me. Thus, I'm positive he wouldn't want me to be late for work on his account. The least I can do is respect the wishes of a dead fish. Besides, Lynn can break it to them when she picks them up.

That leaves Michael as the sole survivor of the upstairs tank. We have a Betta named Fabio in a small bowl downstairs. You can't put the Bettas in with the goldfish as they will continue to attack them until they are dead. Had I known Leo was so close to meet his maker I would have put him in the bowl with Fabio. That way he could have gone out with some panache and style. Plus it would entertain poor Fabio who seems rather bored with his existence lately.

I'm debating whether or not to get more fish. If the kids have another wailing fest like they did last time I don't think I could handle any more pet deaths. The little hypocrites hardly ever fed the fish or merely gaze at them in their tank very often. I think we should give them fish sticks for dinner as we break the news to them so the event would be compete with irony.

Vote for Pat

Pat "the Bat" Burrell got snubbed for the all-star game this year. If you look at the starting outfield for the National League you would laugh. The names are all recognizable but they're all having rather mediocre years. Pat is having one of his best years and I will contend that he plays very well and ranks among the top left fielders year in and year out. Sure he's a touch slow in the field but he has a good arm and knows how to take a pitch and most importantly, get on base.

So, if you have a few spare moments, go here and vote as many times as you wish for Pat. It might be his last year as a Phillie, so let's see him leave in style.

A year without a cigarette

If I sound like one of those pain in the ass ex-smokers who annoy the crap out of you because I constantly talk about the fact that I quit smoking and feel so much better now, well then, tough shit. For starters, it was hard. the actual time I quit wasn't that bad (thank you Chantix), but it took me at least 15 tries before I finally did it. My pride can't be contained because it's a huge accomplishment to me. (just as it was one of the dumbest things for me to ever do in the first place)

Also, it truly is a very healthful thing for me. Even after only a year I notice the differences. Just last Monday I got a cold. When I was smoking the congestion would linger up to 2-3 weeks. The major sniffles from my current cold subsided Thursday and by this morning the excess mucus is all but gone. Plus, it's really an awful thing when you are sick and you just have to grab a smoke. Nothing worse than having all sorts of congestion in your chest and adding the tar and smoke from a nasty habit. My sense of smell has improved and I'm able to breathe better when I exercise or do strenuous activity.

Lastly, I don't stink any more. I always knew that smokers have that smell, but never realized the full extent until after I quit and my sense of smell improved. It was in my clothes for months after I quit. I had no idea how much I reeked. It's nice to be neutral smelling these days and not offensive to some people.

July 5th 2007 was the last time I had a cigarette. It's been one year for me and hopefully I am never weak or dumb enough to smoke again. Please allow me this self-indulgence as I enjoy this moment.

I did it! I did it! I did it!

Dreams of insomnia

Last night I had the weirdest dream that I was awake and I couldn't get to sleep. I was lying in bed watching TV and tossing and turning and getting upset that I wouldn't go to sleep when it was 4:25AM. Then I heard my alarm go off and, of course, it was real life letting me know it was in reality time to get up.

This is about the 3rd or 4th time that I've had this kind of dream. It's really disconcerting to be dreaming that you're all anxious because you can't get to sleep and the next that happens is that your alarm is blaring to wake you up. As a result you don't even feel like you've slept those 8 hours at all. The line between feeling normal and feeling disconnected from reality becomes awfully blurry as a result. It takes at least 2 hours to recover from this sort of dream. I've had horrible nightmares of being stabbed to death or being stalked by a killer chainsaw wielding maniac and those dreams don't affect me past 15 minutes of wakefulness like this stupid dream has.

One of the ways that I know that I'm slipping into a manic mood is that I don't need as much sleep or can't get to sleep. So, if I'm dreaming about not being able to sleep is that a cue that I will be having some manic dreams? What sucks even more is that I can't remember the last time that I had a sex dream. I guess I'm past my sexual prime and my subconscious mind knows it.

I suppose the weirdest moment in dreams is when you realize that you are indeed dreaming but don't wake up. Nonetheless, I still don't have that ability to control my dreams when I have the mental awareness of being in REM. The only control that I seem to exhibit is that if something scary or bad happens I can tell myself it's just a dream and wake myself up. The ultimate nightmare scenario would be if I couldn't wake myself.

That sentiment, of course, goes back to my fear of sleep since I relate sleeping to death. Back when my anxiety was full blown I had terrible insomnia and was afraid to go to sleep just because I was concerned that I might not ever wake up. Letting go of your conscious mind is somewhat like dying, at least it is to me. Slipping into sleep is a mental release that I still need to do to this day. I essentially give myself permission to sleep.

Yeah, I'm pretty fucked in the head, aren't I?

Slow ball offerings

Shortly after the announcement that the Phillies announced Myers assignment to the minors they announced the promotion of left handed relief pitcher, RJ Swindle.

I can hear most of you now-


"Who?"


Well for starters- he's not Myers replacement in the rotation. He's filling in the bullpen for Clay Condrey who is on paternity leave. Secondly, he's a guy who isn't considered by many professional baseball scouts to be a good prospect or even a major leaguer.

"Why?" You ask?

He's a tad old as he's turning age 25 this Monday (Happy Birthday RJ!!) and his best pitch is a curve ball that travels at the speed of 51 mph. Yes, you read that right; that's not a typo. He throws a ball at a speed that you and I can throw without much effort. His fastball can reach speeds up to a Jamie Moyeresue 84 mph.

"He sounds like he sucks, are the Phillies' minor league system that bad that they have to call up this guy?!"

Well, while the upper tiers of the system don't exactly inpire confidence, RJ's performance has forced the Phillies' hand to make this move. His numbers are very, very good despite having what you would might consider an unimpressive repetoire of pitches. He's struck out 48 batters in 40 innings for the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs and has an ERA around 2. If you didn't know what he throws you might think we have another Lidge waiting in the wings. Funny thing is- if you look at his stats throughout his career he has very similar numbers. Yet he keeps getting dropped by teams like the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees.

I highly recommend that you read this interview that was conducted at The Good Phight about a month ago when his stats started to receive some attention. I guess scouts and talent evaluators don't know everything and I truly hope that he has a chance to show his stuff and has success at the major league level with the Phillies. Pitching is often about changing speeds and location and pure speed isn't everything. Greg Maddux and Jamie Moyer are proof of this.

Congrats RJ!

Excuse me while I pick up my jaw off from the floor....

Just when you think you have the Phillies pegged...

Brett Myers has been awful this year, but you figured the Phillies had too much money invested in him to do much about it.

NOPE

Wow, just wow.

I see dead people

In honor of George Carlin's passing, NBC reran the very first episode of Saturday Night Live this past weekend. I watched most of it and I was astounded to see how many people on the show that are now no longer with us. Sure it's been 33 years, but here is a list of people of the top of my head on that show who are now dead.


Michael O'Donohue-originally a Not Ready for Prime Time player (for 2 weeks) and eventually a head writer, he opened the show with Belushi and Chase.

John Belushi- the first big death of the original cast. I was surprised at how low key he was in the 1st episode.

George Carlin- he was the host, yet he didn't appear in any sketches that I saw. He did parts of his stand up including on how baseball and football differ. I had his stand up on cassette tape back in high school and I would listen to it often.

Jim Henson- While he was only on for a year Jim Henson and his Muppets (no Kermit or Fozzie tho) were a regular feature of the show. I really miss Jim and his imagination and craft.

Gilda Radner- one of the funniest comedians, male or female there was.

Billy Preston- he was a musical guest, the man played with Beatles and was a legend all on his own.

Andy Kaufman- this warped genius made his TV debut with his Mighty Mouse routine, part of me thinks he's still alive and laughing at us.


Interesting note- George Carlin was 38 (my age) when he hosted the show---AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Thought of the day

We are probably the last generation or the next to the last generation of people who will die from natural causes.


If you think about the fast speed of technology, computers, medical science and genetics, someone somewhere will figure out how to stop aging or transfer our brains into a computer or revitalize our bodies towards immortality. The question is when and not if. If I had to guess, sometime by 2060 we'll have discovered how to stop aging and therefore people will only die from accident, disease or design (like war).

The consequences are many, the gap between class will increase even more and humans will evolve through their own design rather than by natural selection. Unfortunately I think me and my peers will just miss the chance to be ageless. Perhaps my children will, I wonder how they will honor the dead as it will become even more rare.

RIP Oogley Googley

My children have just experienced their first pet death. We have had three gold fish since September and last night I noticed that the one that had bulging eyes looked white and was limp and caught in the filter. His cause of death is unknown but hey, it's a fish and I'm not doing an autopsy on the way to the toilet. My nonchalance attitude about Oogley Googley's demise was quite the opposite reaction that my children had.

The kids were brushing their teeth before bed and I informed Lynn as to the dead fish. She grabbed the net and scooped him into a container and we decided to let the kids say goodbye before flushing him away to his final watery grave.

"Jonathan and Gabriel" Lynn said as she walked into the bathroom with the corpse, "I have some bad news, Oogley Googley has died." (Try saying that with a straight face!!)

Immediately both kids started bawling and howling as if they were told I was dead or all of their Pokemon cards burned up in a freak fire. Tears streamed down their faces as they loudly lamented the news of his death. While I wasn't expecting them to be happy about the news, I was somewhat shocked about how hard they took it. Their wails were reminiscent of Muslim women at funerals in the middle east. They were bawling so loudly that it became comical to my wife and I and I even had to leave the room to laugh as Lynn hugged them close so she could smile without them seeing. I know that sounds insensitive but the complete overreaction was a sight to behold. It was just a fish after all.

Nevertheless, we consoled them as best as we could as toothpaste dribbled out of their crying mouths. Jonathan informed us that he may want to stay home the next day so he could grieve. I would've thought it was good angle shoot but his concern was genuine so I didn't answer him right away. They seemed fine this morning and they went to camp seemingly unaffected.

They expressed their wishes that if we were to get another fish that we would honor him and name him Oogley Googley II. Death hits us all differently. In some ways having fish is a good growth tool as children can learn about mortality without having true tragedy.

So, thanks for brightening our lives a little bit Oogley Googley, it was nice knowin' ya!

Oogley Googley
2007-2008
RIP

Welcome to the club, Matt!

My oldest friend is a guy named Matt. He and I have known each other since Kindergarten in Philly and then across the street from me in Richboro. (Both our families moved away from NE Philly at the same time to the same area) Matt is a great guy with a good sense of humor and a really solid foundation of ethics. If there's anyone in this world I can count on to do the right thing it would be Matt. Matt just recently had his first child, a lovely baby girl.

So congrats Matt! Welcome to the club!

sucker


Ahhhhhhahahahahahahahahaha!!

Fighting the fog of depression

As I mentioned previously my depression swings tend to be a reversed mania where I get agitated and annoyed easily due to some rapid cycling thoughts. But every once in a blue moon I get a "normal" depression swing. The type where you just want to sleep all day, not deal with anyone or anything, it's tough to concentrate, you think in terms of pity and sorrow and your brain feels "foggy".

In the old days I would literally go hide in a closet or wallow somewhere for a few days until good ole mania would return and bring me up and outta bed. These days I either don't have the luxury to pay attention to my depression or somehow I've learned to fight through it by sticking to routine. Perhaps over the years of trying to mask my true insanity I've been able to apply good acting skills to any emotion that I don't wish to convey. I'd bet if you were to ask my wife this week if I am down in the dumps she'd answer that I wasn't.

Basically this week has been a struggle as it feels like I am walking my way through a thick morass of sticky cotton candy. Thankfully, I never get suicidal and I know that my depression pales in comparison to what millions of people go through on a daily basis. I guess in some ways my manic tendencies "save" me from really getting stuck in a rut.

I know this blog entry comes off as sounding whiny but that's the way I get sometimes, I'm sure most of us do. Part of blogging for me is being able to look at myself in a frank manner. I doubt I help anyone through blogging but nonetheless I feel it's important to be open.

Thanks for the super geniuses

I'm sitting here watching Nova on PBS and they are talking about dark matter and how they know it exists or else we're completely wrong about the laws of gravity. It's invisible and so far undetectable, yet these scientists are building underground super freezers to detect it. Blah blah blah...

I consider myself a smart guy and while i can understand what they're talking about on shows like Nova, I can't fathom what sort of intelligence it takes to even consider stuff like dark matter. These are people who are super geniuses and represent such a small segment of the population yet they do so much for mankind. These are people who likely are very good at being social yet they continue to contribute in ways that the general public aren't even aware.

99.9999% of us go about our daily routines without worrying about string theory or even how our TV's get pictures, cars drive us to where we need to go, or why dark matter is 5 times more prevalent than ordinary matter. But these super geniuses have their synapses firing on all cylinders and invent, create, theorize and make our lives better.

Thank you super geniuses, you're better than I am and I appreciate what you do for us.

Get the fuck outta the fast lane!!

To honor the recently departed George Carlin-

"Anyone who drives slower than you is an idiot and anyone who drives faster than you is a maniac!"

If you include bathroom breaks, fast food stops and gas fill ups I drove a combined 21 hours in the last 4 days on my trip to Greenville SC and back. 12 hours on Thursday and 9 hours on Sunday (Lynn drove for 2 hours) I've recently been in Pennsylvania, Maryland, West Virginia, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Washington DC and Delaware. (Trivia question- which of those states wasn't part of the 13 colonies?) I've seen gas pricing range from $4.33 a gallon to $3.67 a gallon. It was the sort of drive the sucks the life out of you. Admittedly, however, it doesn't come close to being as bad my 60 hours on a plane in 10 days that I once did on a trip to Asia. I really did try to make it go quicker but it's next to impossible to do some real speeding in the Atlantic corridor. The way down we took the PA turnpike to route 81 to route 77 to route 85. Almost the whole way was 2 lanes of traffic. We took route 85 all the way to 95 to get home. It was slightly faster but we had a decent amount of traffic to contend with for a Sunday.

My luck was the worst when it came to passing people. It seemed like trucks were driving side by side to make it impossible to pass. Plus they'd seemed to jump out in front of you at the last minute. Either that or you were constantly running into clusters. You'd have a good mile of driving by yourself on the highway at 85 mph and then you'd have about 10-20 cars all bunched up together for 5 miles. Unless you weaved in and out like Speed Racer or just pushed on the horn to get people out of your way you got stuck going slow. I guess some people feel safer when they have others in front of them or near them instead of driving out in the open. But the most annoying part is that people just will not get out of the passing lane when you move up behind them.

ARRRGHHH!! I really hate that! Get the fuck outta my way dammit!!

Whenever I see someone coming up behind me in my rear view mirror I move over to the right lane as soon as there is an opening. It's common courtesy and it's also the law in most states. Sure, my lead foot isn't exactly legal, but move over and you won't have to deal with me anymore.

At least the kids were about as best behaved as possible for a 12 hour drive. The DVD player helped, but even still I commend their demeanor as I have awful memories of me and my brother Duane constantly fighting in the car on vacations.

"Mom! Duane's touching me!!"

"Brian won't get his foot off my book!"

"Stop making faces at me!"

"Are we there yet?"

Duane and I used to fight over who sat in the seat behind my dad because the other side was considered the "hitting" side. He couldn't reach behind himself to whack whoever was misbehaving, so he would just hit whoever was sitting behind my mom whenever one of us would start complaining about the other. You definitely can see the strategic importance of sitting behind dad as you could be the aggressor without much punishment. Although, if you really did push your luck you'd get it good once you got out of the car and I do remember both of us getting a good beating one time when my dad pulled over to the side of the road because we were being so bad.

My kids hardly complained about how long it was taking at all and they got along fine. I must be a better father than my dad, especially since my kids don't argue on who gets to sit on the hitting side.

Out of office alert! Gonna go see the wife's kin.

Lynn's cuz in South Carolina is having his 25th anniversary party this weekend. As a result, I'm stuffing the kids in the car tomorrow morning and making the 10+ hour trek to Greenville. I doubt that I'll be posting any blog entries during this long weekend. I also hope that the moonshine will not make me go blind.

Have a good weekend.

Attack of the PG-13 superhero movies

My son Jonathan loves superheroes just as much as the next 9 year old boy. I was a big comic book nerd myself (and still am) back in the day. This summer we have the pleasure of having 4 superhero movies. 3 of which are direct from the comics- Iron Man, Batman (The Dark Knight), and The Incredible Hulk. (the Will Smith acted Hancock being the original material) He has been relentlessly bugging me that he wants to see these films.

Sadly for Jonathan all 4 movies are rated PG-13. Which basically means that I have to watch all 4 movies before I allow him to see it- just to be on the "good parenting" side of things. I'm fairly sure he'll be fine (altho, his 7 year old brother may not be) with the cartoonish violence and sexual innuendos. After all, he's still a well adjusted kid after seeing all 3 Spiderman movies and the Transformers. Movies that had impalings, all around scary moments, kissy-poos and masterbatory jokes. I'm also fairly sure that he knows more than he lets on. Even still, I sense that the birds and bees talk is right around the corner.

Looking back, I recall seeing R rated movies while I was under 13. My friend Adam was the rich kid who had a Beta-max (lol) before most of us even knew of VCR's and we got to see movies like Animal House, Airplane and Caddyshack on video tape. I may be a sick twist, but I doubt my mental illness is derived from being exposed to breasteses at an early age. Heck, my dad even had a subscription to Playboy and I got to sneak in his room and got many a gander at the Full Mindy. Later, as I turned 13, my family splurged to get cable and the PRiSM premium channel. I eventually discovered the wonderful world of soft-core porn that was readily available at 2AM. Thus I know know that If I'm not careful with Jonathan's internet activities he will eventually be exposed to free online porn with animals, foot fetishes and bukakke parties.

Unfortunately for me, I really don't have the time to get to see the movies in the theater anymore and I was a BIG movie goer before rearing children. I'm sure as both kids get into their tweens and up, I'll be able to expand my movie viewing pleasure and be able to go out to the theater more since they will be able to go with me. I believe the first R rated movie I saw with my Dad at the theater was Revenge of the Nerds. I think I may have even glanced over to see if he laughed at the "hair pie" joke for his approval. I felt more "adult" that day for having been viewed as someone who can be mature enough to handle frat party immaturity.

Genetically altered bugs that poop oil

Sounds crazy, right?

It's true!

I found that news story linked on a message board today. To summarize for the lazy-genetically altered yeast producing bacteria and E. Coli Bacteria can ferment sugars to produce carbonless petroleum. The company has just started and obviously mass production isn't possible at this stage, but they could conceivably produce oil at $50 a barrel (current pricing is over $138).

The wonderful thing about capitalism is that if you have a need, someone ultimately fills that need. While a totally unchecked free market creates some inequity and problems (ie. Enron), it does come thru in the clutch.

I look forward to putting bug poop into my car and I hope I see the day.

Happy Manufactured Commercial Holiday!!

Not that I don't mind getting some extra attention and pampering from the family but Father's day is made to sell cards, ties and tools. I try to honor my father the best way I can without being too sappy. As sardonic as he is, he wouldn't want some sanguine card with a contrived message anyways. I feel the same way and I prefer that if they wish to express their love and appreciation today that they spend some time with me or just give me a hug. It doesn't take much to make someone feel wanted and appreciated, it's a shame that we need holidays as a reminder. Nonetheless, if you're dad or have a dad- spend some time together and have a great father's day.

Yet another poker report

Played in a home cash game last night (Lottery Larry again) and will be playing in a tournament at my house tomorrow night.

Pokerpokerpokerpokerpokerpokerpokerpokerpoker......whoooohooooo!


While I wasn't a huge winner by any stretch, I definitely made some plays that I liked. One hand in particular I think I made a nice read. The blinds were $0.50/$1.00 and I was in on the cut off position and looked down at pocket tens. The hand was limped once or twice to the guy to my right. (it was a night of lots of limping, which ultimately if you can play better post flop pays very well.) He put in a raise to $4 and was playing rather loosely up most of the night and had no problems raising with 10 9 offsuit. I decided to pop it again as I didn't think he had a real hand. To my dismay the small blind called rather quickly and then the original raiser also called.
At least I had position on both of them!

The flop cam a low and ragged one. I believe the board was 2 4 6 all different suits. Both my opponents checked. There's no way anyone was playing a 3 5 or even low pocket pairs. Plus the more I thought about it, there really was only one hand that was conceivable that was currently beating me- pocket jacks. I firmly believed that if either of my opponents had a bigger pocket pair than jacks that they would have reraised me preflop. I just didn't think either player was capable of slow playing aces in that spot with a raise and reraise. My opponents range of holdings was down to JJ, 10 10, 9 9, 8 8, AK, & AQ, all of which I beat except the jacks.

Needless to say I liked my lot in life just then and put in a strong bet. There was 39 dollars in the pot so I put in about 2/3rds of the pot ($26). If either one had an underpair I get some more money into the pot with a call, if they have the jacks they're likely to push all in and I have to make a big decision. If they have AK or AQ they'll likely fold and I push out out their chance of hitting one of their overcards. I threw out the bet and both folded after some hemming and hawing. Both later said that they both had AK. Had I had my x-ray glasses I think I wouldve only thrown out 1/3rd of teh pot and hoped to get a call, but nonetheless I played it properly and made a good read. It's moments of realization like these that make you appreciate the game.

Here's hoping I make some similar ones tomorrow night.

Happy Birthday Lynn!!

My wife turns 32 today and damn, does she look good. She looks better than when she was 27. She's worked hard to do that and I wish I could say the same thing about me.

Last week I put myself on yet another diet. Not a fad diet or pills or program of any sort. I've just decided to stop eating so many snacks and sweet stuff and just eat my meals and fruits and veggies. I've done it before and I just need to apply myself and have the wherewithall to stop myself from regaining the weight. Easier said than done, but if Lynn can do it, then I gotta try. Besides, I did successfully quit smoking, so it should be a piece of cake, right? (gotta watch those cliches, they're making me hungry!)

So happy birthday sweetie- I hope you don't mind if I don't eat any of your cake.

Things that are hot

1) The weather here in PA is just below 100 degrees

2) The Phillies are 12-2 in their last 14 games

3) I heard thru a source of mine (sorry can't give names, but he/she is someone with access) that Phish is indeed reuniting and are currently negotiating their next tour dates and how much each member will get paid.

4) Jessica Alba in 6 months, now that she gave birth.

Recap: Meeting a bunch of weirdos from the interwebs

You know when you stand for 3 hours in a parking lot in the rain trying to eat leftover potato salad made by a guy you never met before it's a weird moment in your life. Yet it was all very fun and very worth the time and effort I put into getting that Motley Crue together. It's been somewhat surreal posting the last 2 days at Backshegoes.com because I can put voices and faces to many of the posters now.

I highly recommend reaching out and taking a chance to meet new people. It's a skill that I've somewhat lost over the last ten to fifteen years as I no longer attend school and I work with just family. I hope to do this again next year.

Father's day gift suggestion

What can I say? I'm just sick of sweaty pubes this summer.

People are strange

Somehow I've pulled it off.

I've convinced 27 strangers to come together for a ballgame tomorrow night and meet each other and sit together.

Perhaps "strangers" is an unkind word for me to use. (but strange may be perfectly apt) Although I haven't met most of the people before, I do have a fairly good grip on what type of personality each person has. And then there's the common thread amongst us all- we're all Phillies fans.

I've never sat down and thought about how many hours I've wasted reading and posting my opinions and crazy ideas over at www.Backshegoes.com and it's a good thing too, because I would then realize how pathetically socially needy I am. Nonetheless, these people who are all coming together tomorrow night are people who in some strange fashion my friends. Yes, I am admitting that I am friends with people with names like Woody, Vox Orion, Houshphandzadeh, LongDrive, PhightOn! and Tenured Vulture. What's stranger is that they know me not as Brian but as The Red Tornado.

Despite the fact that I expect some akward pauses tomorrow night, I fully think we'll somehow find our usual common ground of being a Phillies fan and the conversation will flow just fine. Thus I'm excited about going to the game tomorrow as I will be joined by my fellow sufferers who haven't seen a championship since 1980 (heck, half off them weren't even born yet!).

If you're at the game, look for our name in lights.

Your 1st place Phillies (or Utley is a God)

It sure is nice to see our Phils in 1st place at the beginning of June instead being tortured until the last day of the season like last year. Chase Utley is on fire and currently leads the National league in home runs and all-star votes- Rogers Hornsby, eat your heart out. Our 2nd baseman is looking like he could get the 3rd MVP trophy in as many years for the Phils if he continues his play throughout the year.

Now wouldn't a World Series ring be a nice thing to pair with the MVP awards?

Crack is whack

The Come Shot

Anyone who has watched a small modicum of porn (which I dare say is 99.9% of us) knows that unless there's a girl on girl scene, any scene in the movie will always end with a come shot. The true porn aficionado will point out that there are movies eloquently named "cream pies" where the man comes inside the actress. The scene will end with a lovely closeup of her vagina or anus dripping with semen. I argue that such movies are fetish oriented and deviate away from the norm. (how wonderful that we are talking about what's normal in porn!!)

If you haven't already clicked away from this blog entry yet then good, you understand what I'm talking about here. The whole thing lately has been irking me. Why is there a need to see the man's satisfaction come to a head? (I really have to be careful with the mis-intended puns here) I guess I'm weird for even caring about this as I usually turn off the porn and start looking for tissues before I even get to the come shot (or even the 2nd position change). If you catch my drift...

What's even stranger is that by having to show the come shot, the porn actors do stuff that we usually don't even consider doing because it wouldn't feel natural or as good as coming inside the mouth, vagina or anus. What I mean here is, that I wouldn't ordinarily pull out a few moments before having to ejaculate so I can come all over my wife's stomach, back, ass, face, hair, chest or eye unless I was practicing poor birth control. (and we all know how well THAT works!! coughJonathancough )

I suppose the feminist in me thinks that by emphasizing the man's pleasure, porn is inherently sexist.

Well, duhhhhh!!

Besides, women are capable of multiple orgasms. So, my sympathy towards sexism in porn is somewhat limited by that fact. You should also note that I say "capable", so if you're a woman who isn't having multiple orgasms I don't want to hear it unless your name is Lynn and you've been lying to me all these years.

The more I began to think of the cinematic nature of the come shot, the more I've noticed come shots in other genres aside from porn.

No, I'm not suggesting that men are ejaculating on a regular basis in summer action movies or on the local news. But, look carefully when watching certain formulaic shows and you'll see what I'm alluding to. The most obvious being a cooking show. For a half hour you watch this chef/cook prepare one or several dishes. The show usually doesn't end with a slow fade out on the food. No, the chef leans over his or hers own creation and takes a big bite and comments on how wonderful it is. The look of satisfaction on their faces is eerily similar to what's going on during the come shot in porn. You could probably photo-crop Rachel Ray's face while she's says, "Yummm-O!!" onto the body of John Holmes and get the same effect. (yet I have a feeling we're talking about fetish porn again)

I suppose all hard work (here we go with the puns again) deserves some attention and recognition and the come shot lets us see that every good deed gets its reward. It's just smacks of being creepy and cliche at the same time and that's not an easy thing to do.

Phish reunion?

Emphasis on the question mark. Short article in this months Rolling Stone issue quotes Trey Anastasio hinting at a reunion. Phish recently got together for a lifetime achievement award at the "Jammies". (and I always thought jammies were what you wear to bed...) It's only been about 4 years when they broke up. I guess a little jail time and rehab will wake your ass up and make you realize what got you where you are. In some ways I wish they'd wait another 8 years for when my kids are old enough that I can be that old hippie guy who follows them around and sells cheese sandwhiches for ticket and drug money. Either way, it'll be good to have Trey back in a clearer frame of mind. When he's sharp, he's one of the best guitar players in the world.

Rooting for a rout

As I write this the Phillies are beating the Rockies 16 to 4 in the 8th inning. Last night they beat the Astros 15-6. Some may say that a rout like that gets boring. Not me- I relish a good old fashioned ass-whoopin. No heart attacks as you worry that they may blow a 1 run lead or need to pick up some runs to win. Just pure unadultered fun. The Phillies offense again is starting look like it has in recent years and hopefully we'll see even more games like the last 2 nights.


EDIT: Now it's 20-4 and bases loaded for the Phils!! BAHAHAHAHA!!

Online poker is rigged

well, not most sites, but do not play at Absolute Poker or Ultimate Bet

Ultimate Bet Cheats

The Phantom Five

Today I read an article/opinion piece that profiled the ownership group of the Phillies. It's a long article and somewhat poorly written in some parts, but the overall view of why the Phillies is run the way it's run makes it worth reading.

Essentially, we may luck into a World Series title in the next 5 years with this incredible core of players like Howard, JRoll, Utley and Hamels but unless the current ownership group is replaced I doubt we'll ever have an organization that holds its upper level employees responsible for wins and losses. Here's hoping for dumb luck.