Monday, March 2, 2009

The Fallen

Here in the Northeast, we got a bit of snow last night and today. The weathermen made it sound like the rapture was on its way but, alas, only one horseman showed up. (it was Famine and he was looking pudgy if you ask me.) It was, however, enough snow to really screw things up for the day and cause me to fall on my ass not once, not twice, but three times.

Recently, I've become my brother's chauffeur since he's had his foot in an orthopedic boot. He can't drive, so that leaves me to do all of the banal errands that our company needs doing. So, on top of my already busy day (always lots of orders on Monday) I had to drive around in the snow and go banking and to the post office.

The first time I took a spill today was actually indoors. I was waiting in line at the bank and noticed my bootlace was untied. I knelt down and tied it and on my way up I actually lost traction on the bank's tiled floor with my wet boots. I banged my elbow and knee before rolling over on the ground like a upside down turtle. It's probably the least graceful moment of my life, and I've had quite a few doozies, let me tell you. Who the fuck trips while they're already halfway on the ground? Yet, somehow I found a way.

Not even 20 minutes later I get out the car and amble my way over to the post office's exterior mailbox. I guess with the limited amount of snow that we've had this winter I've lost my snow legs as I took a really big spill on a patch of ice near the mailbox. I even noticed the ice and made a point of treading carefully. I fell straight on my fat butt and a shot of pain went up from my lower back to my neck, where it still resides tonight. Now I was getting pissed.

I get back to the warehouse and work through my pain while putting the orders together. A half an hour before UPS is due to show up I notice that our back ramp hasn't been plowed like it's supposed to be. So, on an empty stomach (I had no time for lunch) and a back, neck, knee and elbow screaming in pain I grabbed our shovel and did what I had to do. Shoveling on a ramp isn't easy either and again I had to keep my balance on slippery surfaces but this time I also had to deal with an incline. I don't think I need to say much more but I will tell you that my fall was really more of a split that I'm really not capable of doing with an hour's worth of stretching. It's tough to hurt your inner thigh muscles but I found a way.

Fear not, I can still blog as my fingers and brain remained unharmed- I think. I also banged my head a few times on my brother's Bravada hatchback that wouldn't open all the way up. It takes real talent to be this clumsy and you have to have a big heart to keep injuring yourself and keep going.

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