Monday, April 28, 2008

An open letter to Lynn

Early Wednesday morning my wife and I are boarding a plane to San Francisco where we'll spend a blissful week without the kids drinking lots of wine and eating good food and having lots of sexy time. We're doing this because it's our 10th anniversary this coming Saturday. Milestone anniversaries don't come very often, so we're splurging and treating ourselves to nice hotels and restaurants. As a result of this trip, I won't be posting on this blog for over a week. (sorry Mike)

I do wish to express myself when it comes to how I feel about my wife before I leave. While I won't be incredibly sappy about it I do think those who wish to think of me as a manly man should leave the room.


Sweetie, I am a selfish man and I don't deserve to be loved and cared for by the likes of someone as yourself. Every morning in the shower I mutter to myself about things that will happen that day or things that have happened the day before. It's just how my mind operates and it's how I reset myself every day to get ready for the world. Ever since I have been with you I have muttered the phrase "I love Lynn/my wife" to myself at the beginning of everyday. I don't think I ever missed a day. While a barely audible mumble isn't really a good way of letting you how much I appreciate you, I do realize just how lucky I am to have you as my wife, partner, lover, friend and mother of my children.

Professions of love are often cliche or are over the top and tend to lack the needed punch of being able to truthfully express one's true feeling. Yet we keep trying anyways. I have no God to thank for you, I have only you to thank, so I'll repeat myself ad nauseum if it'll alleviate the guilt of having someone like you when I know many others don't have it this good. I love you, Lynn You get me. You compliment me. You fortify my weaknesses. You understand my humor, my sensibilities, my outlook and my needs. You still rock my world sexually. I honestly can say that you satisfy every desire and urge that I have even if that means that you allow me the space at times to go out and indulge myself. (ie. take care of the kids while I play poker)

I pledge again this week as I did 10 years ago to give you my heart. I will refocus to make you as happy as you have made me. I want you to know just how much I love you and I know I haven't demonstrated it enough. I find myself trying to refrain from sounding too corny as I wrtie this and I don't want to use hyperbole to take away from the driving impetus I have to tell you that I love you so very much. I will leave it at that and hope that you will continue to love me as you have for the past 12-13 years.

Sweetie, I look forward to our celebration of 10 years this week. I am so glad that the future is still long and bright as it was on our wedding day.



Sunday, April 27, 2008

Why can't this ever happen to me?

So, I just sat down at a $0.15/0.30 NLHE deep stack table. I get a few crappy hands and fold. I fold a K6 offsuit and watch some interesting fireworks. Usually when you get quads (aka 4 of a kind) you don't win a big pot. In live and online play (non-tourney) I've had quads maybe 4 or 5 times. Once I won more than a few bets. It just goes to reason that if you have a chunk of the board in your favor, it's unlikely that your opponents will have much at all. So, unless your opponent bluffs you usually won't make much.

Not so for the lucky bastard pictured above...

He got paid off by TWO opponents. (about $60 each, which is the approximate buy-in)

Both his opponents had the misfortune of having tens full of nines, the 2nd "nuts" for this board. (nuts being the best possible hand) Unless someone has quad nines, then your tens full is a winner. Imagine their surprise when they see that 2 other people are all in with them in the pot. You figure that maybe one other guy has a ten and you're chopping the pot. (splitting) It probably felt like they got hit in the gut when the quad nines showed.

I just want to know what the guy with the 9's felt when he saw his opponents raise and reraise. I can only guess....

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Now serving

Picking both these kegs up Friday. Mmmmmmm..can't wait.

(Nicole and Karen- call ahead before stopping by....)

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The birthday blues

April 24th is my birthday- brace yourselves for a "woe is me" kind of entry!!

I think since I've turned 30 I've looked less and less forward to birthdays to the point where I start to dread them. Tomorrow I turn 38. While it's no milestone birthday, it still sounds incredibly old to me. Besides, with my 10th wedding anniversary and 20th high school reunion approaching this year, I don't think I could stomach another milestone like turning 40. (like my brother did 2 months ago)

While I realize tomorrow I'm just another day older, the event itself is like a hard poke to your side ribs and a lingering painful reminder of my mortality. Despite the best efforts of my wife and kids to make me happy, I'm sure I''ll end up being a dour piece of ungrateful shit during the whole festive event. This, of course, will lead to Lynn getting upset that she can't make me happy and she'll get all pissy as well. At least misery loves company?

If I get this crummy when I turn 38 just imagine how hard "mid-life" crisis is going to hit me when I get to be in my 50's. (altho-technically if I live to 76 like I'm supposed to then I'm in "mid-life" right now.) I sure hope I'll have enough money to blow on hookers and exotic sports cars or else I may just have to become a serial killer that goes around killing people in their 20's because I'm jealous of their youthfulness and vitality.

Also- please spare me your "38 is the new 28" and "you're only as old as you feel" comments. I will hunt you down by your IP address and get an early start on my new psychotic career.

Happy fucking birthday to me.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Who says smoking is bad for the environment?!

In some ways I'm embarrassed to show this picture but it's too funny to keep to myself.

Today is my son Gabriel's 7th birthday. He was out in the back yard playing with his friends and dinner time was approaching. Since it was his birthday I needed to ask him what he wanted to eat so he could choose his favorite. (He chose mac and cheese) I was in the bedroom at the time and we have a small upstairs patio that you can access thru a door from the bedroom. I opened the door and went onto the patio to ask Gabriel what he wanted. I haven't been out on this patio since I quit smoking (I would never smoke in the house). I guess I prefer my patio on the ground.

Now here's the embarrassing part. I used to dump my ash tray into a trash can that was on the patio. I guess since I haven't been on the patio in so long I've forgotten to empty the trash can which is filled about 2/5's of the way up with cigarette butts. Pretty gross, I know. I'm a slob, I admit it.

Just as I was about to shout down to Gabriel I noticed the trash can and a bird that made it's nest inside of it!! I can't tell if there's eggs in the nest of butts and twigs that the bird had made for itself, but I don't have the heart to chase the bird away.

Anyways, here's a picture that my wife took of the bird. You can click on it for a blown up view. I truly hope she doesn't get addicted to the butts.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Looking for beer suggestions

I just tapped my Magic Hat number 9 a moment ago, I am sad...

The Yuengling Black and Tan is what's left and that was bought more for Lynn as it's one of her faves. Besides, that's a good 10-15 beers away from getting tapped as well.

So I need beer and need to call my new pal Bob at Bob's Kegs and Cases and tell him to get me something. Thus what brings me to a dilemma- Spring ales are usually not what I like in a beer. Most are too hoppy or are too pale for my tastes. I love the winter lagers, October fests, scotch ales and deep caramel flavorings.

Not knowing what to get, I am leaving my next beer choice in your hands. The 1st person who suggests Coors Light will be permabanned.

What a great day for baseball

Yesterday afternoon I was able to go to the Phillies business person special. There wasn't much that could've been done to make it a better experience. For starters, they won in a blow out 10-2. Seven of the Phillies starters got 2 hits (you suck Bruntlett!!) and four hit home runs. Myers pitched a gem and allowed only one run in 7 innings.

The other thing you couldn't beat was the weather. It was a gorgeous day. The high temperature was about 75 degrees, it was sunny without any clouds, and there was the gentlest of breezes wisping it's way thru the park. I could've just sat there and watched a cricket match and not cared since the weather was so nice.

I also partook of one of my favorite ballpark treats, the Schmitter. It's basically a cheesesteak sandwich served on a Kaiser roll, with tomato, onions, a slice of salami and special sauce. A tasty sandwich named after my favorite childhood ball player. I also bought a 7 dollar cup of Blue Moon wheat beer to wash it down. Later Dan and I wandered over to the Turkey Hill stand and got a pint of Ice Cream. It was just one of those days that everything was relaxing, enjoyable and fun.

I even laughed when Carlos Lee, the Astros portly left fielder, decided to tease the crowd. At the end of the 7th inning he caught the last out. As some players do, he whisked around towards the crowd as if he were to throw the ball into the stands for a souvenir. He made the throwing motion but held onto the ball and quickly ran back into the dugout, laughing to himself the whole way as the crowd jeered him loudly. What a dick!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


I feel like my brain has no filter or self editing feature. I am often impulsive and say whatever comes to mind without much concern for what I'm saying. As quick witted as I can be at times, I sometimes come off as being flat out obnoxious. My manic mind speeds along too fast and I must skip the filtering process of thinking to myself- "Is this a good idea?" Most of my friends and family are aware of this and as a result I have no shock impact anymore. "That's just Brian." is a common sentiment held by my in-laws.

This opinion that is held of me, of course, allows for a certain amount of freedom. Even back in college I could reach out and grab some of my female friend's breasts and get little to no reaction or indignation. "That's just Brian." after all. Copping a free feel was among the perks of being a lovable lunatic. Even recently, I've been able to tell my in-laws to their face that they're harder to get rid of than Herpes. (in regards to how long they stay after a party or event has ended)

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure my words and actions have impact, even if it isn't shocking. However, the impact is freeing because it allows me to say things through humor that I wouldn't ordinarily be able to say with a straight face.

Needless to say it does get me into trouble. My brother-in-law isn't a big fan of mine and he's probably one of the few people I tend to step on eggshells when I'm around him. It also leads to some interesting moments....

Last week I was driving back from running some errands in town and I was driving past the adult book store on Upper State Road. I noticed a guy in his 50's get out of his car in the front parking lot. The store has it's own lot, so there really wasn't any good reason for him to be there other than to buy some porn or sex toys. Far be it of me to judge a man for this. I certainly have gotten my porn urges on as well. Heck, I think it's unhealthy to not watch porn sometimes. Even if he were to get gay, bondage, rape, scat porn I couldn't care less what gets this guy turned on and I will fight for his right to walk into a porn shop and get said filth.

Despite my firmly held beliefs, I rolled down my window and screamed, "PERVERT!!"

It was pretty funny actually, he jumped and walked faster into the store. He probably thinks I was some moralistic nut job.

He's only half right.

Monday, April 14, 2008

A Taxing day

I just finished my taxes.

Every time I feel myself leaning liberal, I need to remind myself of days like today. Screw the poor, I want my money back.

Okay, so maybe we can blame the war too and stupid pork barrel projects. I guess it's why I'm mostly libertarian these days. I just wish someone who is libertarian and appealing (ie. not a nut job) would run one of these days.


Saturday, April 12, 2008

The Iron Pigs are already rusty

The Phillies new triple A affiliate in Allentown, the Iron Pigs, have started their season at 0-9. Usually, I don't care too much about the wins and losses of a minor league team because the minors is all about player development. I guess you can argue that winning breeds winners, but even the 1985-90 University of Maryland football team, which was awful, produced some quality NFL quarterbacks, including Boomer Esiason, Neil O'Donnell, and Frank Reich.

It really does speak to the quality of the upper level prospects that the Phillies have currently. They have some really nice prospects that are just entering the Reading club in double A like Carlos Carrasco. But the best prospects at Allentown are guys who project to be a 5th starter or long relief like J.A. Happ or are destined to be a backup catcher like Jason Jamarillo. The rest of the team is filled with career minor leaguers, rehabbing players, and guys who just can't seem to make the jump to the majors.

Being that Allentown is only about a 45 minute drive, I thought sometime this summer I'd take the family to see some cheap baseball with guys who could be future stars, but I fear the only future stars I'll catch will be on the opposing team. I guess that 2008 won't be a stellar debut for Allentown, but I hold out hope that next year we will finally have some quality prospects playing there and looking thru the window to the majors.

UPDATE 4/13- Now 0-11!!!

UPDATE 4/14- They won!! 1-11!!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

I miss smoking today

Now before you call the anti-smoking police, I don't miss it enough to start up that stupid habit again.

It's been 9.5 months since my last ciggie. I certainly don't miss the constant hack that I had developed and I don't miss the wheezy gasps for air nor the lack of smell and the smell that perforated me and my clothes.

It's just that today is the first really super nice spring day of the year. I always used to love to go outside and enjoy the day and well, ....have a smoke. So, I guess it's not the smoking per se that I'm missing- It's the excuse to leave my desk or warehouse for a moment and go outside in the nice weather. Little 3 minute breaks while you're killing yourself with a cancerous inhalant are surprisingly refreshing. I suppose if I were to remove the latter part of the equation I still could enjoy myself, but I'd get strange looks from my brother.

Meh, who cares what he thinks?! I'm going to go take two 3-minute air breaks an hour today!

Monday, April 7, 2008

My video past, part I

As stated earlier I am in the process of digitizing my old VHS tapes that contained the sketch comedy and home movies that I made in college and high school.

So without further fanfare, here's a sketch I wrote and directed called, "Sight Reading Theater", for a University of Maryland produced TV show called, Nitelife U. It's the best production values of anything I've made obviously since we were using top notch equipment for the time.

In the next few weeks I'll be posting even more stuff from my video past. Enjoy!

4AM Pot Limit Omahahahahahahahaha!

I hosted a cash game of poker last Saturday night. I had a decent amount of people show up , altho I had about 4 no shows that said they were likely coming. I had a no-limit hold em table running and we had a HOARSE game going as well. (a rotating game of various types of poker) Towards the end of the night we started up a pot limit Omaha game as most of the players had left by 3AM.

I guess if you're stuck a hundred dollars or so, it's not a bad game to play to see if you can win back some of your losses or get even deeper as it's a high variance and fast game. I probably lost about 70 bucks in that game making me a small 11 dollar winner for the whole night.

Despite my paltry winnings, I had the most fun playing poker I've had in a while. I can't explain why either. Maybe I was in a good mood or maybe I'm getting bored of the NLHE tourneys. In either case, it was good to exercise the mind and stay up late for a change instead of being a fuddy-duddy and sleeping at 10PM every night.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Oh thank goodness!!

Well it finally appears that I've been doing something right all these years!

A survey of sex therapists has revealed that quickies are indeed the way to go. Aside from the occasional whiskey dick, my performances usually don't make it past the halfway point of a Phish performance of Run Like an Antelope. Now, if only the survey could relieve me of my other bedroom worry and my perceived...uh...shortcomings. Deep down I have a hidden desire to move to Asia so I won't have press up so damn close to the urinal in fear that I am the smallest man in the room.

Reading further down I see that length of foreplay still seems to be the prevalent problem and concern of most partners. I guess the whole idea still seems foreign to me. Usually all it takes is for me to pinch my wife's ass and I'm sportin' wood. Hell, sometimes a gentle breeze is a nice pick me up or even a Jergins lotion commercial will get the blood flowing.

I've always contended that it's a good thing that we don't mate like most mammals and have our women go into heat, although, it would be quite interesting. I could just imagine that about 10 times a year a woman would walk into a bar and start screaming "Fuck Me!!" and raise her behind into the air and "present" herself. At that point all of the alpha males would either start fighting each other or pissing all over the place to mark their territory. In either case, it would get quite messy until things get sorted out, but there would be no talk of not enough foreplay, I'll tell you that much.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The write stuff

I always enjoyed writing and consider myself to be a good writer. Not a great writer; I can't inspire or sound melodious or argue an opinion convincingly. But I might make you laugh and I can conjure up some good imagery. I feel that my writings are good enough to get an 'A' in an English 101 college class despite what Lynn's professor thought of a brilliant paper I wrote for her once. I was fuming when she got 'B+'. If Lynn wouldn't have been kicked out of college for getting me to do her work I would've stormed into the professor's office and argued for an 'A'. It really was one of the best papers I wrote, I wished she saved it. (altho, it wouldn't surprise me if my mother-in-law still has the Apple computer with the file still on it.)

Blogging has allowed me to write again and it fulfills me. I have no real deadlines. I can write about whatever I choose and I'm not being graded. Despite that there's no stickler of a professor with-holding a well deserved 'A' from me I do feel somewhat overshadowed by some of my fellow bloggers, including the people I link.

Paul wrote a wonderful essay about baseball's opening day. Despite the fact that he's a college professor that probably unfairly gives 'A' papers B pluses, I enjoy his musings and think he's a better writer than me.

Andy always writes some wonderful stuff and I really enjoyed his take on Facebook friends today. Andy is truly a creative force to be reckoned with, whether if it's thru his acting or thru his writings. I wish he could find the time to blog more often.

Bill knows his baseball. Bill can argue logically, present ideas clearly and can critically analyze a sports journalist's article thoroughly. You can pick just about any posts of his like this one to see what I mean.

Instead of singling out one of the numerous contributors over at the Good Phight I recommend that you read every post if you're baseball fan or Phillies fan. These guys know their stuff and I'll read them over the newspaper any day of the week.

I'm usually not one to argue politics if I can help it. And even though I'm libertarian I really enjoy reading David's blog. His viewpoint on Hillary's tall tales of adventure in Bosnia made me smile and I always respect what he has to say on the American political landscape.

I sometimes wonder to myself if my writings stand up to the same high level. I always have surrounded myself with intelligent friends. I suppose my links should be no exception. I'm proud to link them even if they do sometimes make me look bad.

So much for that...

Well, the friggin parachute ain't D.B. Cooper's.

I'm so disappointed.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

I'm an April fool

I have a devious mind at times and warped sense of humor. If you were to say that April Fool's day was meant for me specifically, you wouldn't be too far off. Every year I try to get someone fooled by a prank, most years I'm successful. My favorite one was when I saved the newspaper that we had delivered from April 1st, 1985 and woke up early on April 1st, 1986 and replaced the new one with the one from last year. It took my Dad 5 minutes to realize he was reading last year's news. The paper was slightly yellow, but he still got fooled. Generally speaking, I think we don't notice things out of the ordinary unless it's blatantly obvious.

That leads us to this year's prank and victim.

About 3 years ago I run into my ex-high school sweetheart, Karen at the local Toys R Us. Turns out that she lives about 5 minutes from me. A year later we run into each other at the Walmart, at this point we exchange emails to send pics of our kids to each other. We exchange pics but the correspondence stopped there.

Then last year I get an email about her Komen's women breast cancer walk on Mother's day and if would I like to sponsor her. It was a chain email that she probably sent to her entire email address book and I'm sure she wasn't even aware she had me on it. I decided to donate 50 bucks and left a note "anything for an old friend". She then emailed me back thanking me and we started to email each other during slow periods at work and we rekindled our friendship. There was no inclination for either of us to have an affair or anything like that. We've met with the kids a few times at the playground and she's come over my house twice for events and we went out together with our spouses a few weeks ago.

Today I sent her this email:

I'm sorry I have to say this.

So last night I had one of those knock down drag out fights with the wife.
Eventually the subject of you popped up. I guess I didn't realize that Lynn was hiding alot of insecurity and jealousy. You and I both know that's there's nothing going on with us whatsoever aside from friendship and boredom at work, but for some reason she has really harbored some ill feelings that I email you so much and keep in touch with you.

I will spare the details of our "spat" but unfortunately, Ive been put in a
position that I feel is unfair to me and you but nonetheless I have no real choice as to what to do. I have to end our correspondences and keep our friendship on the back burner. I will still host the party in 2 weeks, but I understand if you feel uncomfortable to not want to come.

I wish there was another way and I know it really sucks and I truly hope you understand that this is an April fool's joke and you've been had.

I'm such a brat. Really, you didn't seriously believe that Lynn would act that way?!

She called me up in less than 5 minutes and started to needle me because I fooled her.

Pranks are fun. I'll have to start planning next year's prank tomorrow.