Race walking is the curling of the Summer Olympics

Last night I decided to watch the Olympics on TV. Upon changing the channel I saw a group of women in the rain sashaying their hips side to side at a furious pace. It was the 20km race walking event. Like most train wrecks, I couldn't peel my eyes away from the TV screen. I was fascinated, bewildered, confused, addled, sexually excited and full of awe all at the same time. I haven't felt this way for at least 2 years- when I watched the curling event at the 2006 Winter Olympics.

Curling is the "sport" where a group of men push a giant puck on a shuffleboard like court made of ice as they maddeningly sweep their little brooms in front of the puck until it goes to where they want it to land. I never quite understood the exact goal and rules of the competition. I can only assume that they are similar to shuffleboard and horseshoes. The very existence of the competition proves that "cold plus boredom" will lead to some pretty fucked up things.

Why race walking ever became a competition is just as big a mystery. Stupid me, I always thought that if you were walking really fast that you were in fact running. Somehow, somewhere exists rules on what constitutes a walk and not a jog or run. The competitors even get yellow and red cards (are they penalties? I have no clue!) if it appears that they are not walking. My wife made me giggle when she remarked that the herd of women looked like they were being yelled at by a teacher in the school hallway, "Walk don't run!!" as they headed off to recess. My guess is that at least one foot has to be touching the ground and the walker's ass has to shimmy side to side like your typical trampish barfly.

Like curling, the more I watched the race walkers the more impressed I was with how hard it was to do and how they could keep a straight face. I know that it must be difficult to see the first place walker pull ahead of you and not be able to start sprinting after her. "Fuckin' bitch! I'll show you!", I would say as I would start to run after her. Of course, the judges would then pull out a red card and maybe I'd have to start crawling or doing the crab walk for a 1/2 kilometer.

Hmmm...that's a thought. Maybe I should start a petition for Simon Says, sack racing, three legged racing, and the Hokey Pokey to be official Olympic sports! More domination by the American athletes! USA!! USA!! USA!!

The Wheel of Misfortune

We travel through the bulk of our lives blissfully thinking that we are in control of our destiny. To some extent that feeling is true. Most hard work gets rewarded and most bad deeds get punished. However, the system of karma may not be quite as balanced as we perceive it to be. There are forces beyond our control that can radically or subtly (or somewhere in between) alter our destiny. Despite our best subconscious feeling that we can control our surroundings, the fickle finger of fate may strike at any moment and remind us that we are not in control. Most call this force God, as a poker player I call it variance.

Everyday, before we start out to run our lives, we have to give the wheel of misfortune a spin. Most things are unlikely to occur when you look at your chances on a one on one basis. It's extremely unlikely that I'll have a brain aneurysm today and it may be a better chance that I'll have a bad car crash but that's still very unlikely. It's even unlikely on any particular day for me get a flat tire. Let's say the odds are about 500 to 1 of that happening on any particular day. Any good gambler would love those odds. The problem is that we have to spin that wheel for all sorts of unlikely happenings often enough that it becomes likely for something unlikely to occur sometime in your life. We suffer small accidents that are more likely like that flat tire all the time. We have our stubbed toes and spilled milk to prove that variance effects our destiny, even if in a minor way. But we don't cry over them due to their relative insignificance.

It's big freak accidents or horrible diseases and disorders like MS and cancer that really change the path of our destinies. That flat tire can suddenly happen while you're driving 70 mph on the highway and cause your car to jump the median and straight onto an opposing car. A tornado can hit your house. You might wake up and spin the wheel and have a cell mutate into cancerous cell and you won't even know about it until 2 years later until you have 5 tumors in your colon. (That is if you don't get struck by lightning first.)

A good poker player does two things about variance- First, he does his best to reduce variance and put himself in situations to have the odds be more in his favor. He'll play better starting hands or use position or tells for when a bluff would be better utilized. The second thing is that he accepts that variance happens and understand it is a part of the game. If the poker player receives a bad beat from the lucky donk, he understands that such things will happen and stays emotionally calm and avoid "tilt" to get back in the game. (or he at least tries) Of course this should also apply in your view of variance as well. We try to attain more favorable odds by doing things like eating better, creating better medicines, not smoking, checking to make sure our tire pressure is within the proper psi range, and getting express written consent from major league baseball. The wiser of us also accepts variance and knows it is a part of life. If we survive what bad luck comes our way, it's best to get back in the game with emotional calm. It's best to do now what you want to do because you never know what the wheel will land on.

I suppose this is just thinly veiled carpe diem advice. As an athiest I know that no matter what we do that in the grand scheme of things it all means naught. But you can either sit around and wait for death with doom and gloom or at least have some fun while you're waiting. There's a reason the small phrase "carpe diem" survived in latin. It's old and it's true. That truth will survive as long as there is self awareness.

Which asshole doesn't stink so much?

With the conventions looming upon us in the next few weeks, the vice president nominee being announced any day, and the ad campaigns starting to heat up a bit you know it's that time again. Like the Olympics (which also comes the same every 4 years), you can't avoid the hype of the presidential race.

Unlike the Olympics, which at least offers up some positive storylines (ie. MICHAEL PHELPS IS THE GREATEST OLYMPIAN EVER....EVER.....EVER...EVER!!!), the presidential race tends to get a bit nasty. Political messages and advertisements tend to be why you shouldn't vote for the other guy and never too often about why you should vote for that candidate. The American public is ultimately left to vote for the lesser of two evils or for whomever they dislike less.

Having watched most of the John Adams miniseries on dvd (yeah, I'm a bit late on that..), I found it funny (funny strange, not funny haha) that the candidates did not campaign for themselves in the early years of our country under the new constitution. Perhaps it's because the eligible voters back then were just the land owners and campaigning was done more behind closed doors and by proxy. Strangely enough our system today has become eerily similar is some vein as the candidates often have "others" do the dirty work for them.

If you notice at the end of most positive ads (ie. "boring ads"), there is a message that sounds something like this- "I'm Mike Hunt and I approve this message." Not too often is there a really negative ad (like the outright lies of the swiftboat ads that helped bring down Kerry) that comes directly from the candidate himself. Those are the ads that stem from 527's. In a nutshell, the 527's are political non-profit groups that can avoid all of that fun legal mumbo jumbo on campaign financing when it comes to a what a candidate can and cannot do to get money or do with that money. What ends up happening are groups that support certain candidates and make all sorts of nasty ads about how their opponent would be horrible for their cause.

So, essentially, a candidate can turn a blind eye to these ads and have his hands be clean. The public meanwhile gets to see the smearing, slandering, and mud throwing that any WWE fan could ever want and more.

After all this name calling and negative campaigning the public is left the choice between a giant douche bag and a turd sandwich. (as South Park so brilliantly put it 4 years ago)

Rumor: Boldin to the Eagles?

Anquan Boldin, the premium wide receiver for the Arizona Cardinals isn't happy with where he is. He went on the Michael Irvin show today to say as much. He went on to say that our Philadelphia Eagles are currently in trade discussions with Arizona to aquire him.

Who knows if Anquan is just stirring up trouble or if there is truth to what he just said. I am agog with delight if there's any chance of that happening. The last time McNabb had a premium wide out like Boldin to work with the Eagles went to the Superbowl. Sure, TO was a pain the next year but we got there!! (note the number Boldin wears is the same-gasp!)

Cross your fingers, rub your rabbit's foot, pray to your God, do whatever makes you feel lucky, this is a guy that would be awesome to see in an Eagles Jersey.

Wildlife Kingdom

I'm no stranger to wildlife. While I'm no Lewis and Clark I have seen some neat animals in my time. Most of it when I was in Boy Scouts. I've seen hawks at Hawk Mountain. I canoed right next to a beaver dam. A rattle snake crossed my path on a hiking trail in New Mexico. I peed down a hill where a baby brown bear was walking its way up on (I don't think I even took the time to zip up before getting out of there!). I snorkled next to a dolphin in the Florida Keys. I stood in the water with a school of sharks. (okay, okay, they were 2ft. long nurse sharks) A good chunk of mammals located in North America I have had the privilege of seeing in its natural habitat. (fortunately, no wolverines or grizzlies)

Since that time, I've pretty much settled into suburbia and see the occasional squirrel, rabbit and deer along with the usual gang of birds. I'm starting to think that the animals miss me and this past year the wildlife must have found me and have gotten the word out.

It started last winter when I grazed a deer with the car. It didn't do much damage and the deer seemed to have survived as it ran away into the small forest of trees 2 miles from my house. Then I had the ciggie bird build a nest and hatch a baby in my trash can. (see previous post) I also had another nest in my front door light box. I couldn't get rid of a wasp's nest as they came back twice after copious amount of poisons were applied to its nest. I have a grounhog that tresspasses in my backyard time to time, much to my dog's chagrin. Of course, I recently posted about the baby bunny massacre that said dog had committed. That brings us up to today-

Wednesday morning before I even get to work the garbage truck comes and empties our dumpster at my work. That means on Tuesday I make sure I empty all the boxes, straps, trash and such into the dumpster to get it filled in time for Wednesday morning. (the vice-president puts out the trash? HARRRUMPHH!!) We have our dumpster right up against the back wall underneath a bay door to make it easy to empty. I opened the door this morning and saw what appeared to be a dead raccoon curled up in a ball in the corner of the dumpster. Flies were swirling all about the dumpster.

"Ugh, gross!" I thought to myself, "I'd better share this with my employee Rocco."

I went up to the office to cajole Rocco out of the office to see the dead raccoon. Rocco is from South Philly, used to body build, his last name ends in a vowel, and stands under 5 foot 8 inches- I'm sure you've met the type if you've lived in this area before. Rocco is a city boy and is used to pigeons and squirrels, the prospect of seeing a raccoon wasn't very appealing to him. I had to use my executive powers of boss-dom to get him to have a look-see. I told him to look at the back corner of the dumpster and he slowly inched up towards the edge of bay door and looked back at me and said,

"Are you fuckin with me?"

I glanced at the back corner and there was no raccoon!!

"Holy shit!! It must've still been alive!" I exclaimed as Rocco gave me a look of disbelief, "I swear it was there!!" He got closer and looked down into the dumpster and saw the raccoon standing on its hind legs looking up back at him. Rocco quickly jumped back with some fear, "OMIGODOMIGODOMIGOD!!" He skipped away from the door.

We surmised that the raccoon had climbed its way into the dumpster but couldn't get out since it the walls were slanted inwards and too sheer. I decided to help it on its way by carefully piling the trash in the dumpster so it could use the trash to climb its way out. Rocco did help with putting in the trash but you could see how uncomfortable he was being near a live raccoon. I informed Rocco that I was naming the raccoon after him and Beatles's song, Rocky Raccoon.

After we piled the trash in, we closed the door and started to sweep around the warehouse for a few minutes. After the sweeping was done we needed to sweep the rest into the dumpster. I told Rocco to open the door, figuring that Rocky hadn't climbed its way out of the dumpster yet, and I would sweep the remaining trash out. As soon as Rocco opened the door he started to scream like a girl as Rocky was standing looking at both of us out of the dumpster and on the ledge of the bay door. He slammed the door shut.

At that point I was full of uncontrolable laughter. Watching my macho employee get scared like that was too much. Anyways- here's a pic of Rocky after he jumped down and took residence near a pile of pallets-

The poor thing was more scared than Rocco was. I just wish these animals would give a call or email before they show up at my home or work. Sheesh, who ever thought that wild animals could be so rude?!

It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to

My son Jonathan is a very sensitive soul. He is very attentive to other people's need and wants. He is very loving and huggable. He is artistic and relies alot on his emotional side. All very good good traits for a boy to have and not something you necessarily can teach as much as they just seem to be born with. The unfortunate downfall is that he cries more than other boys his age. He takes teasing and name calling rather harshly. If things don't go his way he tends to break down quickly and start sobbing.

You'd think by the way I'm a cold fish nowadays when it comes to tenderness that Jonathan has picked up this trait from his mother. While his mother does have her crying fits (like any of you women- sheesh), he really does get it from me. As a boy, I was just like Jonathan when it came to crying. I would well up with tears at the drop of a hat. I'd even wallow in my own pity and hide in my room or in our closet. The darkness would make me feel secure as I'd felt sorry for myself. Perhaps this was some early manifestation of my mood disorder or perhaps you can chalk it up to being a kid and a tweener.

Somewhere around age 14 I found the control to stop crying altogether. Even if I was in pain I wouldn't tear up- I'd scream alot instead. I don't know if it's a healthy thing but for the most part even if I want to let it all out and cry I can't. In the past 24 years I think I've only had one instance of a flat out bawling.

It was when my mother was towards the end of her battle with cancer. I was working at home at the time (and living away, go figure) and there wasn't much to do. I came down for a break and sat next to my mother who was watching TV (I think it was the OJ trial!). Her liver at that point had grown so distended that it was bulging out of her stomach area and was hard as a rock. You could hear her smacking her lips audibly as she would experience dry mouth often during this time. When I sat down I reached over and held her hand as she seemed to be in a bit of distress and pain. Her hand felt so bony and she clasped my hand solidly and somehow we seemed to speak to each to other without saying anything. A flood of emotions fell over me and for once I think the grave reality of her dying hit me hard.

I always logically knew that when she got cancer that she would likely die within that year of diagnosis. For some strange reason I emotionally denied or ignored that fact. Perhaps being in my early twenties I felt somewhat invincible and untouchable. I hadn't experienced any real loss up to that point. Needless to say when I suddenly came to my senses and acknowledged her dying I was awash with grief. Holding her hand and feeling her die was the most surreal experience I've had. I pretended to go for a smoke in the garage and I lit my cigarette and didn't even get a puff beyond that point. I wept and sobbed uncontrollably. The only control I could exert was the noise level as to not alert my mother to the fact I was crying. All the cliches were present. I fell to my knees and the dam of tears burst. It was like having a seizure of uncontrollable tics and I was barely able to draw my breath in.

I haven't done that since. Even 2 weeks later at her funeral. Mind you, I was visibly upset but I think I was more disturbed at the open casket and I was fighting a 105 degree fever that day. I will also admit to getting misty eyed on occasion, but I just haven't felt the urge to cry like that again. I don't know if the loss of control that I don't like or perhaps that I've gained some perspective as I've aged. Life is good. There hasn't been too much for me to get upset about. Sure, there have been some minor bumps along the way, but nothing so far has hit me like that day has. I have a wonderful wife and two great kids, a decent job that pays alright and lots of good friends. I'm happy and I don't need to cry right now. If one of those things gets taken away, then all bets are off. But until then, I'm fine with my stoic face.

Cleaning out the Mp3 player and the cobwebs in my head.

You'd think 8 gigabytes of songs would be enough to satisfy a person for at least a year. Yet, here I am again removing songs I've found myself skipping lately over so I can fit some live music or songs I haven't heard in a long time or brand new songs onto the MP3 player. I find myself doing this about once every 6 weeks or so. It's like spring cleaning but without the dust bunnies or screaming from your wife that you missed a spot.

I'm also finding that studio recordings tend to wear on me quicker. I'm more apt to get bored with 3-4 minute ditties than a live performance with improvisation. Soon my MP3 player will be strictly filled with Phish and Umphrey's McGee shows. Perhaps as I age I've become more accustomed to the jazzier and freer side of music. No more repetitive drum beats and song refrains over and over. Just trippy guitar riffs and piano scales with funky percussion and even bass solos for me now.

My dislike of pop music has to be partially my fault because if I ever do like a song's melody, I tend to overplay the damn thing until I almost hate the song. Maybe, we all like to replay things we like but as we get older we tend to dislike recurring or predictable things. I know my kids love to watch reruns as did I as a kid. Their tastes aren't mature enough to be more varied or they're afraid to try new things. Like music, formulaic movies and TV shows have also started to bore me.

What it comes down to for me that if entertainment becomes too predictable then I'd rather find something else to do. The underlying problem is that as I see more and more things as I age there is less and less that is original or fresh enough for me to like. Thankfully, the wife and kids have been eclectic enough to hold my attention so far.

Confessions of a Facebook addict.

It starts out with the best of intentions. Heck, you don't even think you'll like Facebook as it sounds like a dressed up version of Myspace. You're no teeny-bopper, after all. Still, you figure to pop on and have a look-see as you might find that old friend of yours that you haven't seen in 15 years and it'll be good to drop him a line.

You sign up and find a few friends. You take a look at their pictures and their cute children. "Aww, look! Steve has his little boy wrapped around his head." "I see Marie hasn't changed much." "Wow, Josh actually is wearing matching outfits with his 1 year old..." A fun jaunt, yes, but nothing too distracting. You leave a message on the wall of an old friend as you log off.

The next thing you know is that you get a notification in your email box from facebook. It's letting you know someone has "poked" you. "Hmmph... I wonder what that's all about", you think to yourself. So you log back on and end up giving a poke back to Andy. Then all of the sudden someone has superpoked you and sent you a hug! Well, I'll teach her and I'll send back a superpoke myself and issue a restraining order. While you're there Facebook is recommending other people to be your friends. You scan and see a bunch of old friends you haven't talked to in a long time. You start sending out your own requests to people to become your friends.

You start getting excited at the prospect of reconnecting with old pals and think that Facebook isn't all that bad. How can it be? Besides, you're in control and you can quit Facebook anytime you want.

The next 2 months are whirlwind of activity as you join groups on Facebook and even find some fun and silly groups like People Who Never Have Seen Gary Busey and Nick Notle in the Same Room at the Same Time. You find that you can leave comments on your status and make remarks on people's pictures. You start using the chat feature with all your friends and also become fans of your favorite TV shows and muscicians. It's all good, right? Meanwhile, your superpoke war has escalated with Cindy and after she threw an octopus, you've raised the stakes to giving Monty Python gifts like a Spanish Inquisition. You've also started playing games on Facebook like poker and word puzzles and also started comparing which movies you like best among your friends and issue IQ contests.

Still, you can stop whenever you want to, right? It's fine, you're just on there for some fun and to waste some time. It's not like you have a problem like some other people do. Now they're the ones that go overboard.

Your friend count has ballooned as of late. After all, you are a social person and they do require friends for interactioning. You've even started to request to be friends with old acquaintances that you maybe have spoken to about 5 times in your life and which was nothing of too much importance. Friends are good, though, so you don't mind. You've also found some internet buddies from a message board that you haven't even met in real life that you befriend. You flutter around Facebook like the social butterfly that you are, feeling good that you have finally cracked the 50 friend mark. But then you start to feel jealous when you see that some friends have 200 or more. "Harrummphh!! What does he have that I don't have?!", you think to yourself as you plot your next move. Perhaps a superpoke to that person or even better you issue out event invitations to your upcoming party to all your new Facebook friends.

It's not a problem, however, I just log onto Facebook only about 25 times a day. It's okay, I can get my work done if I'm careful. I don't need to see what Jeff is doing that night or write all over Karen's wall. I am in complete control. I don't have a problem. No, not me. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! I'm fine, promise. Heehehehhehehehehe. No sweat. Hohohohhohoo!

Rating the Kids shows part IV- Chowder

I haven't reviewed the kids' shows as often as I originally said I would back in December, so my apologies. Let's see if we can get back on track with the surprisingly delightful show, Chowder.

Chowder is probably the first children's oriented show to feature trippy drug-inspired landscapes and surreal characters and plot since Sid and Marty Krofft did their shows like H.R. Puffnstuff & The Bugaloos back in the late 60's and early 70's. The show focuses on the self-titled character, Chowder, and his apprenticeship at a bakery/catering place located in the exotic town of Marzipan. That's about the most straightforward part of the show.

Chowder himself seems to be an amalgam of different animals. He has an insatiable appetite, likes to scream alot and seems to suffer from ADDHD. He basically reminds me of my two sons. I suppose Chowder is the symbol for the all-American kid. He works for the doddering master chef Mung Daal. Mung's creations in the kitchen would give Willy Wonka a run for his money but instead of delighting children's sweet teeth they would perhaps chomp the children back. Mung's wife, Truffles is the boss (as are all wives if you think about it) and seems to be an evil fairy with the voice of Carol Kane. (I was actually surprised to learn it wasn't her in the credits at IMDB.com) They also have a souschef that goes by the name of Schnitzel. Schnitzel is a tall imposing creature that only can seem to say, "radda radda radda radda" in different emotive syntax. There are also some side characters that fill out the Marzipan community, my favorite being the Devil-like bunny, Paninni, who claims to be Chowder's girlfriend despite his protests.

Aside from the occasional gross joke, Chowder is a funny, clever and wild show. It just debuted last spring but I have to rank it right up there with SpongeBob Squarepants in fun to watch kids' shows. Aside from the fun brightly colored animation, the show mixes in some puppetry just as SpongeBob throws in the ocassional live action shot. There is some dissociative cognosence whenever there is a clothing pattern like a plaid on a character's clothing or skin as the pattern seems to move in the same way that the lips do on Clutch Cargo.

Minor complaints aside, I find myself chuckling to outright laughing at times to this show. If I was still into the bong, I'd pack myself a big old bowl the next time they run a marathon on Cartoon Network. There is definitely some heady and creative stuff for the kids to watch. I'll cite the episode where they had two 15 minute segments of the same action but viewed from 2 different characters' point of view as a perfect example of this. They also break up the cliches of standard storytelling and common mythos with some unexpected twists along the way. How my soon to be 10 year old follows along is anyone's guess. I bet when he gets older he'll appreciate the show for different reasons than he does now, much like how I look back at shows like The Muppets.

Wow, I just compared this show to a Jim Henson attached project- high praise indeed. I give Chowder a 8.768914 out of 10.

Animal Planet

This past weekend we took the plunge and decided to give it another go with raising goldfish. I guess the empty tank was too depressing for me to look at and fish are cheap anyways if you already have the hardware. We were in even bigger luck as the pet store was having a 75% off fish sale. I let my 2 kids pick their fish and I picked out a white and orange fish that I named Whitey. I guess I'm either still missing Richie Ashburn or I'm a closet racist. The kids named their fish Kingdra (named after a Pokemon) and Leo Jr. (in honor of Leo Sr. RIP).

The fish took to their new tank like a duck to water. Hopefully whatever killed the first fish isn't present any more. They have survived 4 days, so far, so good. The rabbits in my yard, however, aren't as lucky...

This morning my wife called in a tizzy as our youngest cocker spaniel, Brutus, had brought in a present from outside- a dead mutilated baby bunny. Not only did he kill a baby bunny but he also killed its 2 siblings and destroyed a nest underneath our porch. While my wife found it disturbing, I merely view it as "pest control". Hopefully Momma Rabbit gets the hint. My older cocker, Sammy, in her younger days has caught at least 6 mice outside. Cockers have a hunting/retreival instinct bred into them. I guess Brutus has a taste more akin to french food. His pallete is much more refined I suppose. In either case, I say "good riddance" to small rodents and mammals living in my back yard.

Played okay, lost anyways

Last Saturday I set some goals for myself and I think I did a good job of following those goals. Nonetheless my luck didn't hold out for me towards the end and I missed the money and came in 4th place. The night was interesting to say the least as there was a blow up between two players and for whatever reasons everyone except one guy had the worst gas. It was akin to the beans scene in Blazing Saddles. Duane- crack a window next time!!

So, despite the chemical warfare and unfriendly argument I managed to play decently. Let's take a look at my goals and review-

Goal #1: Fold trouble hands like Ace Ten and lower, King Queen, and Queen Jack from any position except the button and blinds while my stack to blinds ratio (aka "M") is 20:1 or better.

I did really well at this. The exception was one hand where I played KJ suited and lost a decent pot for just the same reasons I shouldn't come in out of position with trouble hands like that. Aside from that I folded alot of hands that I usually donk around with largely because I'm bored. I was happy with my discipline. I ultimately lost with a QJ but it was only 4 handed and my M was about 6 so with one limper and a caller and me in the big blind I took an all in shove stab. Got called by KT and was on my way.

Goal#2: Use my position to take a pot from one of the LAG players.

Well I did this, kinda. The player was more of a LAP than a LAG (loose passive vs loose aggressive) but the big LAG at the game was directly to my left so there wasn't much opportunity to use my position on him. Not to mention the fact that he's really been playing tighter lately and may not even be as Laggy as before. In the hand, I stole using solely position and "air" (aka a bad hand that wasn't going to improve.) The board was perfectly set to make him believe I had a hand better than his. I got a big pot out of that steal and I may even had gotten a bad call out of him later on in the game as he figured me for bluffing again.

Goal #3: Play to win, not to cash. This may sound weird to some of you, but it means to play aggressively enough to amass chips to get a better chance of taking 1st place money and not play passively to just make the money.

Hard to say- for a while there we were all playing cautiously. when we got 5 and 4 handed. I started to bluff a bit more with some limited success but Ican't say I was as aggressive as I wanted to be. Part of the problems, in my opinion was that the blinds were capped too early. Part of my game is use the escalating blinds to my advantage and steal, steal, steal. I was in that range of 10-20 M (blinds to stack ratio) which is frustrating as you're too deep stacked for all in steals but pot committed rather quickly after coming into a pot. I will have to analyze this goal further later.

Goal#4: Don't try to trap unless I have a dominated board in which case most bets will scare others away from the pot. In other words I may even bet out if I flop trips if the board is right. Obviously, if I flop a full house or nut flush, I'm better off letting people "catch up" a little to get more money.

I did get an unexpected full house (sevens full of fives) out of the big blind and tried to trap on the river to a usually aggressive bettor. He unfortunately missed completely and checked behind without a bluff. Aside from that, I got pocket Kings 4 or 5 times that night and played all but one straight forward and won some decent sized pots as a result. It pays to get your money in loose games when you have the goods, don't screw around if you don't have to. Goal accomplished here.

Goal#5: Act slower and be more patient in order to think more methodically about what hands people have and what bets would be best to make or not make.

I think I did this with the exception of one or two times. I am getting more patient and analytical and I was happy with my improvement last game.

In summary my concentration was up and despite some unfortunate side stuff, the game was enjoyable and I was happy with the way I played despite my lack of reward for doing so. Better luck in my cash game coming up at the end of the month!

Tourney goals for tomorrow

It's been a mediocre year for me in playing tournaments. I'm slightly under break even for the year. I'd be ahead if I didn't have the heads up meltdowns. I need to refocus and start setting some goals. Setting goals for the short term in poker isn't necessarily attainable. Luck and variance plays more of a factor in just one or two tournaments than skill does. However, I wish to set some goals for tomorrow's tournament because it will at least give me something to focus on. Obviously, I play better when I concentrate more and right now I need any edge I can get.

Goal #1: Fold trouble hands like Ace Ten and lower, King Queen, and Queen Jack from any position except the button and blinds while my stack to blinds ratio (aka "M") is 20:1 or better.

Goal#2: Use my position to take a pot from one of the LAG players.

Goal #3: Play to win, not to cash. This may sound weird to some of you, but it means to play aggressively enough to amass chips to get a better chance of taking 1st place money and not play passively to just make the money.

Goal#4: Don't try to trap unless I have a dominated board in which case most bets will scare others away from the pot. In other words I may even bet out if I flop trips if the board is right. Obviously, if I flop a full house or nut flush, I'm better off letting people "catch up" a little to get more money.

Goal#5: Act slower and be more patient in order to think more methodically about what hands people have and what bets would be best to make or not make.

Easier said than done, but Sunday I'll go over this list and see how I did.

Shuffle up and deal.

Thought of the day

The cast of thirtysomething are all in their 50's.




sigh

Sick of the Slowskys

They're hard to miss. Those Comcast high speed cable internet commercials with the turtle family named the Slowskys. The turtles are slow and want their world to be slow including their internet service, so of course, they have DSL. Why the Slowskys don't use AOL dial up is beyond me. It's even slower than DSL. Hell, they can have my old 2600 baud rate modem if they like it really slow. I guess Comcast feels that they compete more with Verizon more than anyone else.

The problem with the Slowskys, aside from the fact that I see the commercials 3 times in a half hour program, is that they're quite cranky- even for reptiles. I like the anti-hero as much as the next fellow but the Slowskys' antics are quite unbecoming. Carol is a passive aggressive and Bill is flat out nasty at times. He even berated the postal service worker who delivered his mail. You'd think Bill would have an affinity for the mailman since he likes things slow.

I'm also amazed that the anti-defamation league hasn't gotten involved. Considering that the turtles name end in "sky" it's not a far fetched leap to think they are Polish. Calling Pollacks "slow" is quite offensive to many Americans of eastern European decent as they have battled this notion ever since the it's been said it takes three of them to change a light bulb. The ink on the patent from Edison was hardly dry when that joke came about and yet here we are in 2008 still battling prejudices and stereotypes in the media. Next thing you know Comcast will have a Kangaroo family named the Goldbergs who will be putting all their loose change in their pouches because they saved money by using the Comcast triple play deal.

Well Bill and Carol Slowsky, I hope you are fast when it comes to leaving my TV screen.

Okay, seriously, it's totally, ummm...like, annoying or something

I drive my kids to camp every morning during the summer and I've been eavesdropping in on their conversations. The one thing I've noticed aside from the fact that my kids really, really, love Pokemon is that their language is now becoming more influenced by their peers and friends than by me and my wife.

For starters my sons are using the following words at an increased rate-

Okay

Seriously

Totally

umm...like...

or something

These are words that I'll use their proper context and not too often to color up my descriptions. So their increased usage is certainly not coming from me. I have noticed that when their friends come over that they are also using the same speech patterns, so it's likely that they are feeding each other the words. Usually their conversations sound something like this-

Gabriel: Okay, okay, seriously...umm...like Chimcharr is umm...like, totally evolving or something.

Jonathan: ummm...like Chimcharr is like totally evolving or something, seriously?


Somehow they understand their each other as the conversation does have a nice flow to it. It's like my kids have learned to find a way to annoy me without overtly defying my orders. I fear it's just going to get worse as they age and become aliens (aka teenagers). The texting will make matters worse as they will have yet another language to fool me.

Okay, so umm like seriously I need to totally start learning their language or something.

Morgan Freeman is balla yo!!

Apparently the ubiquitous actor, Morgan Freeman, got into a really nasty accident last night as his car overturned several times on a Mississippi highway. They even had to use the jaws of life to get him out of the wreckage and be airlifted to the nearest hospital. It appears he's mostly okay, he definitely needs some casts and surgery for multiple broken bones, but he'll live. After reading this article I realized how super cool Morgan really is and it's not just an act.

"Freeman's 1997 Nissan Maxima was heading eastbound on Mississippi Highway 32 when the car went off the edge of the road and overturned several times before coming to a stop."

Easy Reader's ride is a 1997 Maxima- oh yeah! Dude has all the money he'll ever want and he drives a 12 year old car. Good for him, environmentally conscious and ubercool to boot!

I'm gonna party like it's 1994

I know I blog too much about feeling old when I haven't even reached my 40's yet. But I've experienced the strange phenomena of thinking I'm in 1994 way too often lately. I'm not specifically thinking I'm 24 but whenever someone mentions to me that such and such happened in 1992 I think to myself that it was a recent occurrence when in fact it was SIXTEEN YEARS ago.

Hell, even things that have happened in the early 2000's are over 5-7 years ago. That's a lifetime for my youngest son Gabriel. I guess the 80's have a strong enough nostalgia following that I don't view much of what happened in the 80's as something recent. Ronald Reagan, Michael Jackson who was black and wore one gem studded glove, the space shuttle blowing up and Max Headroom are all things that seem like ancient history to me. But Kurt Cobain's death, the grunge look, Bill Clinton getting a BJ, and 911 are all things that feel like they've happened in the past year.

I guess it's a 20-25 year trend for actual nostalgia to set in. Happy Days and American Graffiti came out in the 70's when nostalgia for the 50's was at it's peak. I certainly recall a feel good movement over the hippies and Woodstock in the late 80's as well.

What's even stranger is that while I feel like things in the 90's aren't all that long ago the reverse seems to be true for gadgets and inventions. Technology is progressing so fast that it makes you feel like things are outdated before they even turn 3 years old. I looked at my cell phone from 2002 and it looks like a bulky and clumsy punch card fed computer. You ever look at pictures of iPods when they first came out? While they aren't exactly dowdy the look and feel is entirely different just a few years later. Heck, it wasn't a long time when you owned a Pentium I and felt out of sorts because the Pentium 2's just came out.

So, technology goes faster than actual history and nostalgia does. The back and forth is causing me great stress lately as I am afraid that next year the iPhone will be obsolete and I'll try to go see The Mask at the theater. Chalk it up to cognitive dissonance or just my crazy brain but I can't seem to have a grasp on what year it is. Please, someone tell me this isn't 2008 and I've been dreaming.

NEBTDTRT Exclusive!!

Big scoop!! Picture of the Phillies' front office during the trade deadline!

Mixing it up

Last night I had the extreme pleasure of seeing my old friend Andy aka Mister Odney for the 1st time in 15 years. We went to the Police concert at the Wachovia center and had a super fun time. I had a moment of feeling old upon seeing Sting's gray beard and Andy Summer's old man hands with bulging blue veins and translucent skin covered with age spots up close on the huge video screen playing his guitar. They played alot of good b-side sings that I haven't heard in ages and truly enjoyed. Sting's voice had lost an octave but he was still Sting. Stuart Copeland, the drummer, was, as always, abso-fan-fucking-tastic-lutely amazing. In alot of ways I'm glad they haven't recreated any more new music for the studio as it was good to hear all of the old classic Police.

I had a few surreal and funny moments last night as my mind seemed to combine things that shouldn't be combined. For starters before the show began, the lighted advertisements kept repeating the upcoming acts, among them was the Wiggles and Nine Inch Nails. I pointed that out to Andy and he asked if they were touring together. Of course, I started to imagine a concert where the 2 groups played songs together like, Get Ready to Fuck You Like an Animal. At that point I had to get a beer and I wandered out onto the concourse.

The first concession stand I came across was a Carvell. Not in the mood for ice cream, I was about to walk by until I noticed that they were selling cans of beer and no ice cream at all. I got in line and was met by a blank stare from the clerk when I asked for a Heineken and a Cookiepuss. Some people just can't seem to find humor in their jobs, I suppose.

Eventually, after the show started they played one of my favorite Police songs, I Can't Stand Losing You. The song was completely ruined for me because for some reason after they had close up of Sting's smiling face all I could think of was his bit role in the movie Dune. In particular the scene where he emotes the line repeatedly, "I will kill him!". If you've seen the movie you know what I'm talking about. The acting was terrible and for the life of me I could not get that image of my head. I started to uncontrollably giggle through the whole song.

Some things aren't meant to be combined, fortunately a good time with an old friend wasn't one of those instances.

Too brilliant for TV

Some TV shows gather a cult following and critical acclaim but never seem to get the ratings needed to keep executives happy and the money flowing to produce said shows.

FireFly, Arrested Development and Jericho are a few examples of this. While I loved all of those shows, the one that really was super edgy and twistedly funny and I really miss these days is a show called, Wonder Showzen.

The show aired on MTV2 and usually ran in a late night time slot as the show was definitely made for an adult audience and was truly disturbing at times. The basic premise was a Sesame Street and Electric Company type of format that lampooned everything from sex changes to drugs and death. Since the format was a parody of a children's show the show was intensely disturbing. No subject was taboo and they even had a recurring sketch where kids did on the street reporting that was called, "Beat Kids".

Once you got over the initial shock of watching puppets take drugs and hire hookers the show was astoundingly funny and the satire was top notch. My favorite character was a cloyishly cute blue puppet reminiscent of Elmo that asked incredibly inappropriate questions of real people on the street. He was so obnoxious that some people would actually chase after the puppet in anger. One guy even put his cigarette out in his mouth.

I wouldn't recommend this show to everyone and there are only a few friends of mine who would "get it". But, if you're one of those sick bastards like me, buy the DVD's or go watch some clips here.

EDIT: apparently there's some problems with the videos so here's some clips I found on the web-

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

The magnificent return of Kelly Leak!!!

When they announced the cast of The Watchmen last year (was it during Comicon 07?) I didn't recognize anyone right off the bat. I checked some of the IMDB pages and when it came to Rorschach I saw that a Jackie Earle Haley was playing the uber-cool vigilante gone paranoid. I looked at his picture quickly, didn't instantly recognize his face and saw a bunch of bit roles and TV credits to his name. I didn't scan all the way down the list.

Flash forward to last month where my Blockbuster movie mail service sent me Semi-pro. Yes, yes, I admit watching that turd but I do have a soft spot for Will Ferrell. One of the only funny moments in the movie was when a drugged out homeless man won $10,000 from making an unlikely full court shot. Will Ferrell's character didn't actually have the money and dodged the druggie repeatedly throughout the film when he would complain that the banks wouldn't cash his oversized check. The homeless druggie just started looking really familiar to me and I thought that he looked like the kid from The Bad News Bears.

After watching the movie I popped on over to IMDB.com and confirmed that my suspicions were indeed true. And then I spotted it. The kid who played Kelly Leak is the same guy who will be playing Rorschach.

Good to see the old slugger getting some work. I hope he's good. The character of Rorschach is probably the most pivotal of all the roles in Watchmen.

Hurrmmm...

Bride of Grandson of 6 Degrees of Napster

Okay, same rules as before, but this time we'll start with the innocuous and harmless, The Wiggles and see if we can get to hard core rap. Tipper Gore and the like may want to get their branding irons out...


We'll start with a children's music group that have their own show on the Disney channel- The Wiggles. My kids watched the show with glee as they sang their popular songs such as Hot Potato, Big Red Car and Fruit Salad. It's as tame as you can get.

1) People who enjoy The Wiggles also enjoy The Archies.

Move over Gorillaz, wikipedia claims that The Archies and Alvin and the Chipmunks were the original virtual bands. The Archies are still rather tame. They may appeal to people to over 5 years old but their only hit, Sugar, Sugar, was bubble gum pop and as innocent as Sally Field's Gidget.

2) People who enjoy The Archies also enjoy Fats Domino.

Ahh yes, I can see a little controversy is making its way to our list. Back in his day, Fats would play the devil's music. Certainly tame by today's standards, Blueberry Hill, is about teens schnogging and sucking face in their cars. Make no mistake, Richie Cunningham was a horny guy on Happy Days. The Fonz may have gotten all the action in Milwaukee but Richie used this song to try and get some.

3) People who enjoy Fats Domino also enjoy Smokey Robinson.

The Tracks of my Tears is a great song and Smokey is certainly not tame. But it's not exactly hard core stuff yet, we're halfway there and I wonder of we'll get there...

4) People who enjoy Smokey Robinson also enjoy Stevie Wonder.

Stevie Wonder is a fantastic song writer and performer. He's about as good as they come. He may be adult oriented in his themes but You Are the Sunshine of my Life isn't exactly hard core. This is my best bet for a good link, however, as many rappers have sampled Stevie thru the years.

5) People who enjoy Stevie Wonder also enjoy Busta Rhymes.

Finally a parental advisory label! Busta Rhymes is not full on hard core yet, but we cerainly have some explicit lyrics. Gimme Some More!!

6) People who enjoy Busta Rhymes also enjoy 2Pac.

Success!! We are so hard core that we have ourselves some actual real life gang violence associated with our artist, 2Pac. We made it from Wags the Dog to 2 of Amerikaz Most Wanted. Tipper and crew never would have guessed that those Australians for kiddies were so related to hard core.

Whatever happened to fruit gum?

I like to chew gum. I usually get sugarless gum instead of the Hubba Bubba, Juicy Fruit, and Bazooka varieties. I like the fruity flavors on occasion as minty gums can get tedious. But lately all of the sugarless fruity gums are always being mixed with mint. I don't know if it's because it extends the flavor or if one company did it first and then the rest are copycatting it because they were successful. Whatever the reason, I'm getting sick of it.

I was sick of the mint marketing mafia (which we will now deem MMM for the rest of this blog post) even before they infiltrated our fruit gums. Mint is mint, right? Personally, I think there's a subtle difference between peppermint and spearmint but I can't tell the difference between artic mint and ice mint. Apparently, there must exist a multitude of mint sommeliers because the list of mint flavors is exceedingly long. The MMM has come up with mint, sweet mint, peppermint, spearmint, ice mint, artic mint, velamint, cool mint, fresh mint, cactus mint, cinnamon mint, fire mint, hot mint, spicy mint, and doublemint. (what a predica-mint!!)

Perhaps the MMM has a huge surplus of mint stored somewhere because now they are pushing their mint products alongside the fruit flavorings. Want berry gum? Sorry, it's berrymint now. There's even a bubblemint, where they mix their mint with good old fashioned bubble gum flavor. I've had melon mint and cool colada. Both of which were equally disturbing to my palette. Damn it all! I just want to get my sweet on! I don't need to bring mint to the flavor party. If I want mint I'll just go buy one of those super strong mints that they sell now.

The MMM's mint campaign had a serious escalation at the turn of the century when they came out with those super powerful mints. It seemed that the smaller the mint was the more minty it would make your mouth feel. It was akin to putting a tab of acid on your tongue. We all looked drug users in 2002 when you could even put a strip of cellophane on your tongue that turned to super minty goo upon direct contact with saliva. I surmised back then that eventually mints will be microscopic and make one's breath be able to refrigerate your beer.

Perhaps the MMM should go back to pushing their super mints and leave my fruit gums alone. If we don't make a stand now and boycott the artic pineapple mint gums of the world then they will most certainly try to push their way into our entire grocery selection. If you want Cool Rice-a-Minty or spearmint potato chips then by all means, keep on buying.

I hate poker

well....not really, but it sure has been frustrating lately when I keep getting cold cards.

I mentioned that I played poorly in a tourney last Saturday. My demise came when my AK met pocket queens and didn't improve. Last night at Lottery Larry's tournament of champions game, I had deja vu when I was short stacked and was faced with 5 limpers and I was in the small blind with jack seven suited. My hand was meaningless as there was 25% of my stack in the pot including the blinds and if I could use my short stack while it still had fold equity I could make a push and pick up a nice pot. Even if I get called by one of the limpers It's very likely I have 2 "live cards". It's doubtful I was facing a big pair as no one but the first limper would try to foray into a limped pot with a big pair. So I made it look like I had a good hand and pushed all in and the big blind, the only person that I had no reasonable read on, woke up with pocket queens and went all in himself. The others folded and even though I technically hit a full house (the board was 88833), he had a better full house and I was on the rail.

I can at least claim that my early night was due to grief. My wife called me just as the tournament started to let me know that our last goldfish, Michael, had finally succumbed to whatever ailment his two compatriots had fallen to.

RIP
Michael
2007-2008

While the fish were dying at my house, the fish seemed to be thriving at Lottery Larry's house. I am reluctant to mention hands and names as Lottery Larry has recently taken passages from my blog without permission and put it into his trip report. (he'll be hearing from my lawyers Dewey, Phuc M, Goode, & Howe) I don't wish to publicly call anyone a bad player and criticize their hands. Especially since I am no big shakes myself. I like to think I am always improving in poker, but I most certainly don't make all the right moves nor claim to be an expert. I'll just say that worst hand kept winning. Over and over and over again. Even in the low limit cash game I played in afterwards, I had my aces cracked by 67 with a CAPPED PREFLOP POT! (in other words, the bets were raised and reraised 4 times- the most allowed.)

I can't complain all that much, I had fun joking around and I didn't lose very much money. The best line of the night came from the razz specialist, Dan. A player came over to the cash game from the tourney and started complaining that he was knocked out on the bubble. He started playing alot of crappy hands like 10 4 off suit and was winning big pots. He then claimed in defense of his bad play-

"I was a two-thirds favorite to win that hand on the bubble and I lost, so why should I play good hands if that doesn't seem to work?"

Dan quickly remarked, "Because two out of three times you aren't going out on the bubble?"

ahhh...nerd humor...

High Stakes Poker will be back for season 5!

I can't seem to find the official confirmation but according to several blogs from poker players and 2+2 it appears that the show High Stakes Poker will tape it's fifth season in September and air on GSN in February. Originally the option for HSP wasn't renewed and the World Poker Tour was also let go on the Game show Network. It looked bleak for poker on TV as the only shows that were being produced was a time buy in Poker After Dark airing at 2:30AM, The World Series on ESPN and the Heads Up challenge that airs once a year on NBC.

PAD did fill the void of the lack of cash game play by airing a week of cash games last week but it's regular format is a 6 person sit and go. I think that cash is ultimately more interesting to watch and play than a tournament where increasing blinds create variance and dictate action. I suppose the TV execs want the all in action but I think if done well with a good commentator cash games can make for a more interesting show.

Why GSN had the change of heart? I have no idea, but nonetheless, I'm glad it will be back. I will also personally hunt down males aged 18-35 with neilson boxes and make them watch the show. I should've done this years ago for Arrested Development and Firefly.

Phils win in a big comeback, no thanks to Blanton

The Phils could hardly muster but 2 runs against Mets staff ace Johan Santana tonight. Blanton didn't pitch all that well (surprise, surprise) in his debut for the Phillies as he let up 5 runs in 6innings. Although I still contend that we will regret this trade for years, it was great to see a magnificent comeback 9th inning win.

Down by 5-2 and no Billy Wagner available for the Mets to close out the game, the Phillies had the following players go on base without making an out-

Werth
Dobbs
Victorino
Ruiz
Taguchi
Rollins

Not the players you'd expect to mount a huge comeback as there wasn't any real power hitters in there. The biggest hit was a bases loaded double that came off the bat of Mr. Awful this year himself, So Taguchi.

When the inning finally ended they were up by 8-5. Lidge successfully closed it out and the Phils won 8-6.

This was one of those games that you look back on as one the top 3 or 4 games of the year that make you look back and smile big. Whenever you beat your divisional rival in an unlikely come from behind win to take sole possession of 1st place, I think it becomes one of those moments where you're overcome with wonderful feelings of being a baseball fan.

Thanks So, I'm sorry I bad mouthed you so many times this year. I'm sure come the next game I'll be bad mouthing you again, but you were key tonight. Let's pull for 2 more big wins!!!

The Darker Knight

tsk tsk tsk

Christian Bale, the actor that plays Batman, was arrested recently for allegedly assaulting his own mother. Wow, If true I guess all that money from his percentage of gross from this weekend's record breaking box office had made him so angry and violent that he would hit his own Ma. If this isn't proof that fame and money don't buy happiness then I don't know what does. Celebrities are just as infallible as we are and perhaps more so. I'd argue that you have to be a crazy wack job to be in the public spot light. So perhaps their proclivities make them more apt to do things most of us wouldn't even consider.

Just look at Mel Gibson's anti-semitic drunken rants, Britney Spear's umbrella attacks and head shaving adventures, and murderous rampages by OJ Simpson. Well, okay so maybe the last example was a bit extreme, but you get the point. We see actors act on television and movies and asume that they have their shit together when in fact it may even be worse for them.

It's hard to be in control when you aren't.

Butt Glue

Since I was ordered to rest my foot by my doctor I am confined to my chair in my office right now. I can't really skip work as our sole employee already had requested the day off. Thus I am answering the phones and emails as my brother gets some much needed exercise in the warehouse as he puts together the orders.

While I will be helping out I won't have all that much to do. It's bad enough when I have lulls at work when I'm out in the warehouse but it'll be even worse with me stuck in a chair. So look out blog posts, facebook, and internet message boards!!

Aside from it's incredible utility, the internet is a huge waste of time. But time killing is what cures my ails right now. Like most of us, I've always required some sort of mental stimuli in order for me to function. Which, of course, brings us back to "what did we ever do without the internet?" feeling.

The Dark Knight

Wow!

I promised a review but I feel that I can't give this movie it's proper due as it will just come across as me gushing on and on about how great it was.

Just go see it. It's worth your 10 bucks.


In some ways I feel that any superhero story that comes out now will pale in comparison to this movie.

I can die happy now. My inner nerd is sated.

Good old self-medication!

One of the main symptoms of mood disorders is drug or alcohol abuse. The reason for this is that the unaware bipolar person ends up self-medicating themselves to regulate their moods. The unfortunate consequence is that their friends and family tend to focus solely on the drug problem and blame the behavior on the drugs or alcohol. Those who aren't addicted quit the drugs rather easily but still suffer the mood swings and thus end up using again or over indulging.

It was no secret that the past week was a bit manic for me. (well, I did blog as such) I admit that instead of going back on proper medication I over indulged in alcohol this past weekend. Alcohol is a depressant and it for the most part it quells my racing thoughts. I knew what I was doing and I figured it would be "fun" instead of feeling foggy on Zyprexa. Gotta love mania induced logic as I paid the price.

For starters I performed horribly in the Saturday poker tournament. I was basically hung over by the time I got there. I grew impatient rather quickly and was the 2nd to bust out as I overplayed AK vs. QQ. After being inebriated for most of the remainder of the weekend I woke last night with horrible foot pain. I can't even walk on it. The worst part is that I have no idea as to what the heck I did to it. I'm guessing in my drunken state I must've stumbled enough to cause some damage. My x-rays revealed nothing today so it appears I have sprained ligaments of my metatarsals.

"Fun"

During my doctor appointment I got a renewal of mood stabilizing medications. Hopefully, I can have the control to make a better decision the next time I get as "up" as I did this past week.

The triumphant return of the comic book nerd!!

If the Simpsons character to the right (aptly named the "Comic Book Guy") makes you laugh then you must have met a comic book nerd somewhere along your travels. While I like to think that I am a bit more socially adept; I am at times a full blown comic book nerd. At one point in my life I had over 25 boxes of comic books! I had to grow up eventually after having kids, so I sold them all (at a loss). However, I still get uppity when it comes to the recent rush of comic book characters showing up in movies. All of which, I would read in my bedroom in Richboro or my dorm room in College Park Maryland.

The really good stuff like A History of Violence, Road to Perdition and Persepolis is not even known by most people to be comic book errr...ahem!!...excuse me... graphic novel material. Thus I won't include that material in this discussion. I am referring to, of course, super heroes.

Let's face it, it's hard to explain to a girl you have sexual interest in that Spiderman, the X-men, and Batman have some really good and thought-provoking stories. I'll readily admit that there's more chaff than wheat in the industry as a whole, but writers like Alan Moore, Grant Morrison and Frank Miller could make some damn good superhero comic books that would appeal to a mature audience. The only thing you could do was give someone a copy of Batman: Year One or The Watchmen and hope that would actually read it because if they did, you'd have a convert. But, alas, even my own wife can't get through The Watchmen. She has a hard deciphering which panel to read next and I don't think she has the nerd gene that allows her to read comic books.

Which brings us to the current rush of movies.

In a way, it started with the Tim Burton Batman movie. Today that movie looks silly compared to Batman Begins despite it's initial lauded reaction by the general masses. Movies like Spiderman, Iron Man and X-men are not only getting people to see how good a superhero story can be but they are also becoming very profitable for Hollywood. There are some clunkers like Daredevil and Fantastic Four and also some near misses like Superman Returns but if you let Hollywood get a hold of any printed material they will most likely screw it up. The ratio of good movies vs. bad superhero movies is actually quite good compared to most of your popular fiction novels that have been given the movie treatment. I suppose the fact that comic books are essentially story boards is what lends itself to better translation. It just becomes a matter of good writing and the fact that special effect technology is there to create "plausibility".

Tonight, I am seeing a movie in the theater without the kids for the 1st time in over a year. I have been psyched to see Dark Knight ever since the ending scene of Batman Begins. Based on the reviews I have been seeing, Dark Knight appears to be that movie that will justify my comic book nerdom. It is the movie that will let the general masses see that even a superhero story can have substance and meat and thoughtful art. It is the movie that will make my 30 years of reading in shame all worthwhile. I know my expectations are high but I know they will met. I'll try and put in my own personal review sometime this weekend.

Personally, I think The Watchmen is the greatest superhero story told in graphic novels and I'm very excited to see the movie next year. But I fear that a 2.5 hour movie will not do it justice. A good Batman and Joker story doesn't need to be longer than 2.5 hours whereas The Watchmen is a complete story and not a serial comic. Nonetheless, good stories are making their way to the big screen. Me and my fellow comic book nerds are in a golden age.

Best comic movie era ever!

Fuck you Pat Gillick

Joe Blanton sucks donkey balls, he is NOT an upgrade. Yes we need pitching, yes we should trade away premium prospects like Cardenas to get said pitching. BUT NOT FOR BLANTON WHO SUCKS THIS YEAR JUST AS MUCH AS ADAM FUCKING EATON.

You make it hard to be a Phillies fan today.

Watchmen preview

EDIT-

they removed it from youtube!! Dammit!!

EDIT on the EDIT-

as posted by Mr. Odney himself- Preview in glorious HD

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

7 hours sleep in the last 2 nights and I'm revved up and raring to go!

YEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!


Damn, it feels great at times but I sure could use a breather...

Manic mania

The past 2 days I've definitely been manic. Although you might think when I'm manic I would post up a storm on the blog but the contrary is quite true. It's just hard to concentrate and focus long enough to even make a 2 paragraph blog post. I may be fun to chat with but I'm certainly in no shape to make whimsical blog entries.

I'm sure things will get ugly in a few days, so in the meantime I'm going to enjoy myself while trying not to get myself into debt or trouble.

Until then-

bisous

Rooting for the hotness

The World Series of Poker Main Event is down to the final 3 tables of 27 players. The only two "recognizable" names are actress and poker hostess Tiffany Michelle and known pro Brandon Cantu. I can't say that I knew of Tiffany Michelle other than her hosting on camera for Pokernews.com. I have no idea if she is a good player or not. Quite frankly, with past winners like Jerry Yang and Jamie Gold, I don't think it will be required. Apparently she has some minor acting roles to go along with her poker hosting duties.

While it isn't definite, it is very possible for her to make the final table with her currently being in 3rd place out the 27. Sure, she could have an epic meltdown like me last Saturday but her odds are good she'll make the final table. She'll be the 1st woman to make the final 9 since Barbara Enright did it for the 1st time in 1995. This year they are taking a 4 month break after the final 9 is set so ESPN can air the final table 2 days after showing all of their coverage up til then. That way they can keep the winner more suspenseful. The extra media coverage will also make the final 9 stars instead of unknowns (and more marketable). If Tiffany makes it she will have the spotlight thrust on her the brightest.

Which in my opinion is a very good thing. In some ways it's a shame that her good looks will be a part of that fact but it will perhaps encourage women to not be so intimidated at the poker table. Plus the extra ratings will be a very good thing for those who enjoy watching poker on television as lately the ratings have not been stellar. Shows like High Stakes Poker haven't been renewed and I miss that show terribly.

So if a nice looking female can play decently or get lucky and thus gets some extra press for poker, it's all good. Poker could use some more positive stories after two big cheating scandals in Ultimate Bet and Absolute Poker. (look for 60 minutes this September) Plus it's better than watching Phil Hellmuth throw another tantrum and berate players.

Tie a yellow ribbon...

Charities are good. Charities need to advertise in some fashion as it helps them get more donations. Whomever invented the ribbon idea was a genius. Everyone knows a yellow ribbon is for hostages or vets, pink ribbons are for breast cancer. But after that it starts to get a bit hazy.

Nowadays you need a color coordination chart to know what color ribbon represents which charity.

"Honey, the car in front of us has a mauve ribbon!"

(scans the chart) "Oh! That's habitat for humanity!"


I guess, it's not the worst thing to have a ribbon for every charity, but really, wouldn't it be more memorable for that charity to have their own symbol or reminder?

Heads up melt downs

This past weekend's poker tourney I cruised into the final two with a 7 to 1 chip lead.

I came in 2nd.

It's the 2nd such meltdown this year. I know anyone can win heads up due to higher variances but it is certainly disappointing and it makes me wonder if I have a serious weak spot.

I do feel I get somewhat impatient heads up and my aggressive play may be too strong. But then again, the short stack is usually 10 big blinds or less so any action taken needs to be forceful or else you're just giving away chips.

While I doubt myself at my heads up skills I do think when I play live my table talk gets people to call me down when I have the goods. The fact that I joke alot and perform some antics gives people the impression I am playing too many hands when in fact I'm playing rather tight.

I guess if I were to take 2nd in every tourney I wouldn't be so upset but it smarts when you have such a commanding lead and can't hold on. I have yet another tourney this coming weekend, here's hoping I get a chance to practice my heads up play.

TJ Cookier

This is old time poker player and degenerate gambler TJ Cloutier...



Someone on the poker fan website pocket 5's saw this cookie....



...and thought that if he were to combine the 2 pictures the resulting picture would be funny. (and it was!!)



Now I know it may seem stupid to you, but I've literally been laughing at this picture for over a week now. So, I feel compelled to share. They've even started a whole thread dedicated to putting TJ Cookier in different situations and movie posters over at 2+2. Enjoy!!


(snicker...TJ Cookier...guffaw!)

The fish are dropping like flies!!

RIP Leo
2007-2008


Yet another dead fish in the tank this morning. I didn't say anything to kids this time as I needed to drop them off at camp and get to work. My lack of being up front with the news of their pet's passing was based solely on their previous over the top reaction to the death of their first fish. I would have been at least a half hour late if I informed them of Leo's demise. But really, I do think Leo would have wanted it that way. I am the main fish food dispenser after all, so one can logically assume that he did like me. Thus, I'm positive he wouldn't want me to be late for work on his account. The least I can do is respect the wishes of a dead fish. Besides, Lynn can break it to them when she picks them up.

That leaves Michael as the sole survivor of the upstairs tank. We have a Betta named Fabio in a small bowl downstairs. You can't put the Bettas in with the goldfish as they will continue to attack them until they are dead. Had I known Leo was so close to meet his maker I would have put him in the bowl with Fabio. That way he could have gone out with some panache and style. Plus it would entertain poor Fabio who seems rather bored with his existence lately.

I'm debating whether or not to get more fish. If the kids have another wailing fest like they did last time I don't think I could handle any more pet deaths. The little hypocrites hardly ever fed the fish or merely gaze at them in their tank very often. I think we should give them fish sticks for dinner as we break the news to them so the event would be compete with irony.

Vote for Pat

Pat "the Bat" Burrell got snubbed for the all-star game this year. If you look at the starting outfield for the National League you would laugh. The names are all recognizable but they're all having rather mediocre years. Pat is having one of his best years and I will contend that he plays very well and ranks among the top left fielders year in and year out. Sure he's a touch slow in the field but he has a good arm and knows how to take a pitch and most importantly, get on base.

So, if you have a few spare moments, go here and vote as many times as you wish for Pat. It might be his last year as a Phillie, so let's see him leave in style.

A year without a cigarette

If I sound like one of those pain in the ass ex-smokers who annoy the crap out of you because I constantly talk about the fact that I quit smoking and feel so much better now, well then, tough shit. For starters, it was hard. the actual time I quit wasn't that bad (thank you Chantix), but it took me at least 15 tries before I finally did it. My pride can't be contained because it's a huge accomplishment to me. (just as it was one of the dumbest things for me to ever do in the first place)

Also, it truly is a very healthful thing for me. Even after only a year I notice the differences. Just last Monday I got a cold. When I was smoking the congestion would linger up to 2-3 weeks. The major sniffles from my current cold subsided Thursday and by this morning the excess mucus is all but gone. Plus, it's really an awful thing when you are sick and you just have to grab a smoke. Nothing worse than having all sorts of congestion in your chest and adding the tar and smoke from a nasty habit. My sense of smell has improved and I'm able to breathe better when I exercise or do strenuous activity.

Lastly, I don't stink any more. I always knew that smokers have that smell, but never realized the full extent until after I quit and my sense of smell improved. It was in my clothes for months after I quit. I had no idea how much I reeked. It's nice to be neutral smelling these days and not offensive to some people.

July 5th 2007 was the last time I had a cigarette. It's been one year for me and hopefully I am never weak or dumb enough to smoke again. Please allow me this self-indulgence as I enjoy this moment.

I did it! I did it! I did it!

Dreams of insomnia

Last night I had the weirdest dream that I was awake and I couldn't get to sleep. I was lying in bed watching TV and tossing and turning and getting upset that I wouldn't go to sleep when it was 4:25AM. Then I heard my alarm go off and, of course, it was real life letting me know it was in reality time to get up.

This is about the 3rd or 4th time that I've had this kind of dream. It's really disconcerting to be dreaming that you're all anxious because you can't get to sleep and the next that happens is that your alarm is blaring to wake you up. As a result you don't even feel like you've slept those 8 hours at all. The line between feeling normal and feeling disconnected from reality becomes awfully blurry as a result. It takes at least 2 hours to recover from this sort of dream. I've had horrible nightmares of being stabbed to death or being stalked by a killer chainsaw wielding maniac and those dreams don't affect me past 15 minutes of wakefulness like this stupid dream has.

One of the ways that I know that I'm slipping into a manic mood is that I don't need as much sleep or can't get to sleep. So, if I'm dreaming about not being able to sleep is that a cue that I will be having some manic dreams? What sucks even more is that I can't remember the last time that I had a sex dream. I guess I'm past my sexual prime and my subconscious mind knows it.

I suppose the weirdest moment in dreams is when you realize that you are indeed dreaming but don't wake up. Nonetheless, I still don't have that ability to control my dreams when I have the mental awareness of being in REM. The only control that I seem to exhibit is that if something scary or bad happens I can tell myself it's just a dream and wake myself up. The ultimate nightmare scenario would be if I couldn't wake myself.

That sentiment, of course, goes back to my fear of sleep since I relate sleeping to death. Back when my anxiety was full blown I had terrible insomnia and was afraid to go to sleep just because I was concerned that I might not ever wake up. Letting go of your conscious mind is somewhat like dying, at least it is to me. Slipping into sleep is a mental release that I still need to do to this day. I essentially give myself permission to sleep.

Yeah, I'm pretty fucked in the head, aren't I?

Slow ball offerings

Shortly after the announcement that the Phillies announced Myers assignment to the minors they announced the promotion of left handed relief pitcher, RJ Swindle.

I can hear most of you now-


"Who?"


Well for starters- he's not Myers replacement in the rotation. He's filling in the bullpen for Clay Condrey who is on paternity leave. Secondly, he's a guy who isn't considered by many professional baseball scouts to be a good prospect or even a major leaguer.

"Why?" You ask?

He's a tad old as he's turning age 25 this Monday (Happy Birthday RJ!!) and his best pitch is a curve ball that travels at the speed of 51 mph. Yes, you read that right; that's not a typo. He throws a ball at a speed that you and I can throw without much effort. His fastball can reach speeds up to a Jamie Moyeresue 84 mph.

"He sounds like he sucks, are the Phillies' minor league system that bad that they have to call up this guy?!"

Well, while the upper tiers of the system don't exactly inpire confidence, RJ's performance has forced the Phillies' hand to make this move. His numbers are very, very good despite having what you would might consider an unimpressive repetoire of pitches. He's struck out 48 batters in 40 innings for the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs and has an ERA around 2. If you didn't know what he throws you might think we have another Lidge waiting in the wings. Funny thing is- if you look at his stats throughout his career he has very similar numbers. Yet he keeps getting dropped by teams like the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees.

I highly recommend that you read this interview that was conducted at The Good Phight about a month ago when his stats started to receive some attention. I guess scouts and talent evaluators don't know everything and I truly hope that he has a chance to show his stuff and has success at the major league level with the Phillies. Pitching is often about changing speeds and location and pure speed isn't everything. Greg Maddux and Jamie Moyer are proof of this.

Congrats RJ!

Excuse me while I pick up my jaw off from the floor....

Just when you think you have the Phillies pegged...

Brett Myers has been awful this year, but you figured the Phillies had too much money invested in him to do much about it.

NOPE

Wow, just wow.