Thursday, June 26, 2008

Fighting the fog of depression

As I mentioned previously my depression swings tend to be a reversed mania where I get agitated and annoyed easily due to some rapid cycling thoughts. But every once in a blue moon I get a "normal" depression swing. The type where you just want to sleep all day, not deal with anyone or anything, it's tough to concentrate, you think in terms of pity and sorrow and your brain feels "foggy".

In the old days I would literally go hide in a closet or wallow somewhere for a few days until good ole mania would return and bring me up and outta bed. These days I either don't have the luxury to pay attention to my depression or somehow I've learned to fight through it by sticking to routine. Perhaps over the years of trying to mask my true insanity I've been able to apply good acting skills to any emotion that I don't wish to convey. I'd bet if you were to ask my wife this week if I am down in the dumps she'd answer that I wasn't.

Basically this week has been a struggle as it feels like I am walking my way through a thick morass of sticky cotton candy. Thankfully, I never get suicidal and I know that my depression pales in comparison to what millions of people go through on a daily basis. I guess in some ways my manic tendencies "save" me from really getting stuck in a rut.

I know this blog entry comes off as sounding whiny but that's the way I get sometimes, I'm sure most of us do. Part of blogging for me is being able to look at myself in a frank manner. I doubt I help anyone through blogging but nonetheless I feel it's important to be open.

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