Monday, September 29, 2008

Just get the fuck away from me

As I described in a January post here, most of my downswings tend to be a bad version of mania. You know your moods are strictly bipolar related when you're actually experiencing the opposite in real life to what you feel inside. Since the external stimuli is positive and my internal emotions are negative, it tends to catch me off guard and I don't interpret my moods properly.

If not for my mood swing, this past weekend was actually very delightful.
-The Phils clinched their second straight NL East division title and I get to go to more playoff games.
-I went out with a friend of mine and our kids to a game yesterday and almost caught Lou Marson's first major league home run.
-The weather was kind to us at the game despite the fact it was raining at my house.
-I had no real plans otherwise and got to relax.

Yet, I kept finding myself annoyed by everyone around me. I've had insomnia the past few nights. Plus, I just can't hold my attention on anything for longer than 5 minutes. (this is the 3rd attempt so far to write this) Since I was supposed to be enjoying myself and not being such a shit (or having to hide being a shit), I wasn't quite aware of the fact that I might be in a downturn. Despite the knowledge that I'm getting less light, I still managed to forget to monitor myself.

So, I apologize to my wife and my friends who may have gotten a taste of my curtness this weekend. I may have to take some pills and hope that this doesn't last too long.

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