Saturday, December 15, 2007

The Tooth Fairy has a thankless job.

You'd think I'd be an old pro by now. Between my 2 kids I have successfully collected about 9 teeth and replaced them with coinage. But, alas, it ain't easy being the Tooth Fairy.

Last night my son Gabriel had stuck his tooth under his pillow and awaited the Tooth Fairy. He informed me earlier that he was going to wait up late, so he could see the Fairy. Just great- it's bad enough that I feel tired at 9pm these days. I've turned into such a lame ass in my 30's. Gone are the days of staying up late and waking up at noon. It's a good thing 6 year olds get tired easily when there's no TV stimulus and he did fall asleep early enough. Problem was, that I had forgotten and was just about to fall asleep myself. Just as I was drifting off to sleep I remembered that I had to be a Fairy. (insert joke here) So, I stumbled down the steps in the dark and fetched quarters from the change bucket.

Santa has it easy- the kids go up in their rooms and eventually fall asleep, so it's not so difficult being quiet enough to place some presents under the tree. Sure, it can be a little challenging if you've had a few glasses of wine, but nonetheless, it's easy as pie and the payoff is glorious. Santa's name is exalted in the halls of schools, playgrounds and homes of many children. In contrast, the Tooth Fairy has to sneak into the bedroom (which my kids share, so I have double the chance of waking one), reach under a sleeping child's head, root around for a small tooth that's the size of a unpopped kernel of popcorn, and then replace it with a jangling, noisy sack of quarters. It gets your heart racing to say the least. I haven't been so nervous about getting caught since I had semi-public sex with my future wife outside and around the side of her parent's house one night before we lived in our own apartment. So, not only is the act of fooling your kids into believing in a magical tooth collecting elf a hard thing to do the gratitude isn't really all that much either. Gabe had a brief moment of excitement, he then placed his 2 bucks of coins in his piggy bank and proceeded to ask what was for breakfast.

Aside from almost forgetting to do my Fairy duties, last night wasn't so bad and things went smoothly. A year ago, my older son, Jonathan, had his hand under his pillow clutching the tooth. I was amazed that I didn't wake him up prying his incisor out of his closed fist. Jump ahead to last week-Gabe informed Jonathan of his loose tooth and they started to talk about the Tooth Fairy- Jonathan informed him that "sometimes the Tooth Fairy is disguised as someone you love."

Guess I wasn't as furtive as I had previously thought. Thank goodness for self-denial!

1 comment:

Paul said...

You can avoid the quarter problem by sticking a crowbar in your wallet and leaving the kid a dollar.