I hate poker

well....not really, but it sure has been frustrating lately when I keep getting cold cards.

I mentioned that I played poorly in a tourney last Saturday. My demise came when my AK met pocket queens and didn't improve. Last night at Lottery Larry's tournament of champions game, I had deja vu when I was short stacked and was faced with 5 limpers and I was in the small blind with jack seven suited. My hand was meaningless as there was 25% of my stack in the pot including the blinds and if I could use my short stack while it still had fold equity I could make a push and pick up a nice pot. Even if I get called by one of the limpers It's very likely I have 2 "live cards". It's doubtful I was facing a big pair as no one but the first limper would try to foray into a limped pot with a big pair. So I made it look like I had a good hand and pushed all in and the big blind, the only person that I had no reasonable read on, woke up with pocket queens and went all in himself. The others folded and even though I technically hit a full house (the board was 88833), he had a better full house and I was on the rail.

I can at least claim that my early night was due to grief. My wife called me just as the tournament started to let me know that our last goldfish, Michael, had finally succumbed to whatever ailment his two compatriots had fallen to.

RIP
Michael
2007-2008

While the fish were dying at my house, the fish seemed to be thriving at Lottery Larry's house. I am reluctant to mention hands and names as Lottery Larry has recently taken passages from my blog without permission and put it into his trip report. (he'll be hearing from my lawyers Dewey, Phuc M, Goode, & Howe) I don't wish to publicly call anyone a bad player and criticize their hands. Especially since I am no big shakes myself. I like to think I am always improving in poker, but I most certainly don't make all the right moves nor claim to be an expert. I'll just say that worst hand kept winning. Over and over and over again. Even in the low limit cash game I played in afterwards, I had my aces cracked by 67 with a CAPPED PREFLOP POT! (in other words, the bets were raised and reraised 4 times- the most allowed.)

I can't complain all that much, I had fun joking around and I didn't lose very much money. The best line of the night came from the razz specialist, Dan. A player came over to the cash game from the tourney and started complaining that he was knocked out on the bubble. He started playing alot of crappy hands like 10 4 off suit and was winning big pots. He then claimed in defense of his bad play-

"I was a two-thirds favorite to win that hand on the bubble and I lost, so why should I play good hands if that doesn't seem to work?"

Dan quickly remarked, "Because two out of three times you aren't going out on the bubble?"

ahhh...nerd humor...

High Stakes Poker will be back for season 5!

I can't seem to find the official confirmation but according to several blogs from poker players and 2+2 it appears that the show High Stakes Poker will tape it's fifth season in September and air on GSN in February. Originally the option for HSP wasn't renewed and the World Poker Tour was also let go on the Game show Network. It looked bleak for poker on TV as the only shows that were being produced was a time buy in Poker After Dark airing at 2:30AM, The World Series on ESPN and the Heads Up challenge that airs once a year on NBC.

PAD did fill the void of the lack of cash game play by airing a week of cash games last week but it's regular format is a 6 person sit and go. I think that cash is ultimately more interesting to watch and play than a tournament where increasing blinds create variance and dictate action. I suppose the TV execs want the all in action but I think if done well with a good commentator cash games can make for a more interesting show.

Why GSN had the change of heart? I have no idea, but nonetheless, I'm glad it will be back. I will also personally hunt down males aged 18-35 with neilson boxes and make them watch the show. I should've done this years ago for Arrested Development and Firefly.

Phils win in a big comeback, no thanks to Blanton

The Phils could hardly muster but 2 runs against Mets staff ace Johan Santana tonight. Blanton didn't pitch all that well (surprise, surprise) in his debut for the Phillies as he let up 5 runs in 6innings. Although I still contend that we will regret this trade for years, it was great to see a magnificent comeback 9th inning win.

Down by 5-2 and no Billy Wagner available for the Mets to close out the game, the Phillies had the following players go on base without making an out-

Werth
Dobbs
Victorino
Ruiz
Taguchi
Rollins

Not the players you'd expect to mount a huge comeback as there wasn't any real power hitters in there. The biggest hit was a bases loaded double that came off the bat of Mr. Awful this year himself, So Taguchi.

When the inning finally ended they were up by 8-5. Lidge successfully closed it out and the Phils won 8-6.

This was one of those games that you look back on as one the top 3 or 4 games of the year that make you look back and smile big. Whenever you beat your divisional rival in an unlikely come from behind win to take sole possession of 1st place, I think it becomes one of those moments where you're overcome with wonderful feelings of being a baseball fan.

Thanks So, I'm sorry I bad mouthed you so many times this year. I'm sure come the next game I'll be bad mouthing you again, but you were key tonight. Let's pull for 2 more big wins!!!

The Darker Knight

tsk tsk tsk

Christian Bale, the actor that plays Batman, was arrested recently for allegedly assaulting his own mother. Wow, If true I guess all that money from his percentage of gross from this weekend's record breaking box office had made him so angry and violent that he would hit his own Ma. If this isn't proof that fame and money don't buy happiness then I don't know what does. Celebrities are just as infallible as we are and perhaps more so. I'd argue that you have to be a crazy wack job to be in the public spot light. So perhaps their proclivities make them more apt to do things most of us wouldn't even consider.

Just look at Mel Gibson's anti-semitic drunken rants, Britney Spear's umbrella attacks and head shaving adventures, and murderous rampages by OJ Simpson. Well, okay so maybe the last example was a bit extreme, but you get the point. We see actors act on television and movies and asume that they have their shit together when in fact it may even be worse for them.

It's hard to be in control when you aren't.

Butt Glue

Since I was ordered to rest my foot by my doctor I am confined to my chair in my office right now. I can't really skip work as our sole employee already had requested the day off. Thus I am answering the phones and emails as my brother gets some much needed exercise in the warehouse as he puts together the orders.

While I will be helping out I won't have all that much to do. It's bad enough when I have lulls at work when I'm out in the warehouse but it'll be even worse with me stuck in a chair. So look out blog posts, facebook, and internet message boards!!

Aside from it's incredible utility, the internet is a huge waste of time. But time killing is what cures my ails right now. Like most of us, I've always required some sort of mental stimuli in order for me to function. Which, of course, brings us back to "what did we ever do without the internet?" feeling.

The Dark Knight

Wow!

I promised a review but I feel that I can't give this movie it's proper due as it will just come across as me gushing on and on about how great it was.

Just go see it. It's worth your 10 bucks.


In some ways I feel that any superhero story that comes out now will pale in comparison to this movie.

I can die happy now. My inner nerd is sated.

Good old self-medication!

One of the main symptoms of mood disorders is drug or alcohol abuse. The reason for this is that the unaware bipolar person ends up self-medicating themselves to regulate their moods. The unfortunate consequence is that their friends and family tend to focus solely on the drug problem and blame the behavior on the drugs or alcohol. Those who aren't addicted quit the drugs rather easily but still suffer the mood swings and thus end up using again or over indulging.

It was no secret that the past week was a bit manic for me. (well, I did blog as such) I admit that instead of going back on proper medication I over indulged in alcohol this past weekend. Alcohol is a depressant and it for the most part it quells my racing thoughts. I knew what I was doing and I figured it would be "fun" instead of feeling foggy on Zyprexa. Gotta love mania induced logic as I paid the price.

For starters I performed horribly in the Saturday poker tournament. I was basically hung over by the time I got there. I grew impatient rather quickly and was the 2nd to bust out as I overplayed AK vs. QQ. After being inebriated for most of the remainder of the weekend I woke last night with horrible foot pain. I can't even walk on it. The worst part is that I have no idea as to what the heck I did to it. I'm guessing in my drunken state I must've stumbled enough to cause some damage. My x-rays revealed nothing today so it appears I have sprained ligaments of my metatarsals.

"Fun"

During my doctor appointment I got a renewal of mood stabilizing medications. Hopefully, I can have the control to make a better decision the next time I get as "up" as I did this past week.

The triumphant return of the comic book nerd!!

If the Simpsons character to the right (aptly named the "Comic Book Guy") makes you laugh then you must have met a comic book nerd somewhere along your travels. While I like to think that I am a bit more socially adept; I am at times a full blown comic book nerd. At one point in my life I had over 25 boxes of comic books! I had to grow up eventually after having kids, so I sold them all (at a loss). However, I still get uppity when it comes to the recent rush of comic book characters showing up in movies. All of which, I would read in my bedroom in Richboro or my dorm room in College Park Maryland.

The really good stuff like A History of Violence, Road to Perdition and Persepolis is not even known by most people to be comic book errr...ahem!!...excuse me... graphic novel material. Thus I won't include that material in this discussion. I am referring to, of course, super heroes.

Let's face it, it's hard to explain to a girl you have sexual interest in that Spiderman, the X-men, and Batman have some really good and thought-provoking stories. I'll readily admit that there's more chaff than wheat in the industry as a whole, but writers like Alan Moore, Grant Morrison and Frank Miller could make some damn good superhero comic books that would appeal to a mature audience. The only thing you could do was give someone a copy of Batman: Year One or The Watchmen and hope that would actually read it because if they did, you'd have a convert. But, alas, even my own wife can't get through The Watchmen. She has a hard deciphering which panel to read next and I don't think she has the nerd gene that allows her to read comic books.

Which brings us to the current rush of movies.

In a way, it started with the Tim Burton Batman movie. Today that movie looks silly compared to Batman Begins despite it's initial lauded reaction by the general masses. Movies like Spiderman, Iron Man and X-men are not only getting people to see how good a superhero story can be but they are also becoming very profitable for Hollywood. There are some clunkers like Daredevil and Fantastic Four and also some near misses like Superman Returns but if you let Hollywood get a hold of any printed material they will most likely screw it up. The ratio of good movies vs. bad superhero movies is actually quite good compared to most of your popular fiction novels that have been given the movie treatment. I suppose the fact that comic books are essentially story boards is what lends itself to better translation. It just becomes a matter of good writing and the fact that special effect technology is there to create "plausibility".

Tonight, I am seeing a movie in the theater without the kids for the 1st time in over a year. I have been psyched to see Dark Knight ever since the ending scene of Batman Begins. Based on the reviews I have been seeing, Dark Knight appears to be that movie that will justify my comic book nerdom. It is the movie that will let the general masses see that even a superhero story can have substance and meat and thoughtful art. It is the movie that will make my 30 years of reading in shame all worthwhile. I know my expectations are high but I know they will met. I'll try and put in my own personal review sometime this weekend.

Personally, I think The Watchmen is the greatest superhero story told in graphic novels and I'm very excited to see the movie next year. But I fear that a 2.5 hour movie will not do it justice. A good Batman and Joker story doesn't need to be longer than 2.5 hours whereas The Watchmen is a complete story and not a serial comic. Nonetheless, good stories are making their way to the big screen. Me and my fellow comic book nerds are in a golden age.

Best comic movie era ever!

Fuck you Pat Gillick

Joe Blanton sucks donkey balls, he is NOT an upgrade. Yes we need pitching, yes we should trade away premium prospects like Cardenas to get said pitching. BUT NOT FOR BLANTON WHO SUCKS THIS YEAR JUST AS MUCH AS ADAM FUCKING EATON.

You make it hard to be a Phillies fan today.

Watchmen preview

EDIT-

they removed it from youtube!! Dammit!!

EDIT on the EDIT-

as posted by Mr. Odney himself- Preview in glorious HD

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

7 hours sleep in the last 2 nights and I'm revved up and raring to go!

YEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!


Damn, it feels great at times but I sure could use a breather...

Manic mania

The past 2 days I've definitely been manic. Although you might think when I'm manic I would post up a storm on the blog but the contrary is quite true. It's just hard to concentrate and focus long enough to even make a 2 paragraph blog post. I may be fun to chat with but I'm certainly in no shape to make whimsical blog entries.

I'm sure things will get ugly in a few days, so in the meantime I'm going to enjoy myself while trying not to get myself into debt or trouble.

Until then-

bisous

Rooting for the hotness

The World Series of Poker Main Event is down to the final 3 tables of 27 players. The only two "recognizable" names are actress and poker hostess Tiffany Michelle and known pro Brandon Cantu. I can't say that I knew of Tiffany Michelle other than her hosting on camera for Pokernews.com. I have no idea if she is a good player or not. Quite frankly, with past winners like Jerry Yang and Jamie Gold, I don't think it will be required. Apparently she has some minor acting roles to go along with her poker hosting duties.

While it isn't definite, it is very possible for her to make the final table with her currently being in 3rd place out the 27. Sure, she could have an epic meltdown like me last Saturday but her odds are good she'll make the final table. She'll be the 1st woman to make the final 9 since Barbara Enright did it for the 1st time in 1995. This year they are taking a 4 month break after the final 9 is set so ESPN can air the final table 2 days after showing all of their coverage up til then. That way they can keep the winner more suspenseful. The extra media coverage will also make the final 9 stars instead of unknowns (and more marketable). If Tiffany makes it she will have the spotlight thrust on her the brightest.

Which in my opinion is a very good thing. In some ways it's a shame that her good looks will be a part of that fact but it will perhaps encourage women to not be so intimidated at the poker table. Plus the extra ratings will be a very good thing for those who enjoy watching poker on television as lately the ratings have not been stellar. Shows like High Stakes Poker haven't been renewed and I miss that show terribly.

So if a nice looking female can play decently or get lucky and thus gets some extra press for poker, it's all good. Poker could use some more positive stories after two big cheating scandals in Ultimate Bet and Absolute Poker. (look for 60 minutes this September) Plus it's better than watching Phil Hellmuth throw another tantrum and berate players.

Tie a yellow ribbon...

Charities are good. Charities need to advertise in some fashion as it helps them get more donations. Whomever invented the ribbon idea was a genius. Everyone knows a yellow ribbon is for hostages or vets, pink ribbons are for breast cancer. But after that it starts to get a bit hazy.

Nowadays you need a color coordination chart to know what color ribbon represents which charity.

"Honey, the car in front of us has a mauve ribbon!"

(scans the chart) "Oh! That's habitat for humanity!"


I guess, it's not the worst thing to have a ribbon for every charity, but really, wouldn't it be more memorable for that charity to have their own symbol or reminder?

Heads up melt downs

This past weekend's poker tourney I cruised into the final two with a 7 to 1 chip lead.

I came in 2nd.

It's the 2nd such meltdown this year. I know anyone can win heads up due to higher variances but it is certainly disappointing and it makes me wonder if I have a serious weak spot.

I do feel I get somewhat impatient heads up and my aggressive play may be too strong. But then again, the short stack is usually 10 big blinds or less so any action taken needs to be forceful or else you're just giving away chips.

While I doubt myself at my heads up skills I do think when I play live my table talk gets people to call me down when I have the goods. The fact that I joke alot and perform some antics gives people the impression I am playing too many hands when in fact I'm playing rather tight.

I guess if I were to take 2nd in every tourney I wouldn't be so upset but it smarts when you have such a commanding lead and can't hold on. I have yet another tourney this coming weekend, here's hoping I get a chance to practice my heads up play.

TJ Cookier

This is old time poker player and degenerate gambler TJ Cloutier...



Someone on the poker fan website pocket 5's saw this cookie....



...and thought that if he were to combine the 2 pictures the resulting picture would be funny. (and it was!!)



Now I know it may seem stupid to you, but I've literally been laughing at this picture for over a week now. So, I feel compelled to share. They've even started a whole thread dedicated to putting TJ Cookier in different situations and movie posters over at 2+2. Enjoy!!


(snicker...TJ Cookier...guffaw!)

The fish are dropping like flies!!

RIP Leo
2007-2008


Yet another dead fish in the tank this morning. I didn't say anything to kids this time as I needed to drop them off at camp and get to work. My lack of being up front with the news of their pet's passing was based solely on their previous over the top reaction to the death of their first fish. I would have been at least a half hour late if I informed them of Leo's demise. But really, I do think Leo would have wanted it that way. I am the main fish food dispenser after all, so one can logically assume that he did like me. Thus, I'm positive he wouldn't want me to be late for work on his account. The least I can do is respect the wishes of a dead fish. Besides, Lynn can break it to them when she picks them up.

That leaves Michael as the sole survivor of the upstairs tank. We have a Betta named Fabio in a small bowl downstairs. You can't put the Bettas in with the goldfish as they will continue to attack them until they are dead. Had I known Leo was so close to meet his maker I would have put him in the bowl with Fabio. That way he could have gone out with some panache and style. Plus it would entertain poor Fabio who seems rather bored with his existence lately.

I'm debating whether or not to get more fish. If the kids have another wailing fest like they did last time I don't think I could handle any more pet deaths. The little hypocrites hardly ever fed the fish or merely gaze at them in their tank very often. I think we should give them fish sticks for dinner as we break the news to them so the event would be compete with irony.

Vote for Pat

Pat "the Bat" Burrell got snubbed for the all-star game this year. If you look at the starting outfield for the National League you would laugh. The names are all recognizable but they're all having rather mediocre years. Pat is having one of his best years and I will contend that he plays very well and ranks among the top left fielders year in and year out. Sure he's a touch slow in the field but he has a good arm and knows how to take a pitch and most importantly, get on base.

So, if you have a few spare moments, go here and vote as many times as you wish for Pat. It might be his last year as a Phillie, so let's see him leave in style.

A year without a cigarette

If I sound like one of those pain in the ass ex-smokers who annoy the crap out of you because I constantly talk about the fact that I quit smoking and feel so much better now, well then, tough shit. For starters, it was hard. the actual time I quit wasn't that bad (thank you Chantix), but it took me at least 15 tries before I finally did it. My pride can't be contained because it's a huge accomplishment to me. (just as it was one of the dumbest things for me to ever do in the first place)

Also, it truly is a very healthful thing for me. Even after only a year I notice the differences. Just last Monday I got a cold. When I was smoking the congestion would linger up to 2-3 weeks. The major sniffles from my current cold subsided Thursday and by this morning the excess mucus is all but gone. Plus, it's really an awful thing when you are sick and you just have to grab a smoke. Nothing worse than having all sorts of congestion in your chest and adding the tar and smoke from a nasty habit. My sense of smell has improved and I'm able to breathe better when I exercise or do strenuous activity.

Lastly, I don't stink any more. I always knew that smokers have that smell, but never realized the full extent until after I quit and my sense of smell improved. It was in my clothes for months after I quit. I had no idea how much I reeked. It's nice to be neutral smelling these days and not offensive to some people.

July 5th 2007 was the last time I had a cigarette. It's been one year for me and hopefully I am never weak or dumb enough to smoke again. Please allow me this self-indulgence as I enjoy this moment.

I did it! I did it! I did it!

Dreams of insomnia

Last night I had the weirdest dream that I was awake and I couldn't get to sleep. I was lying in bed watching TV and tossing and turning and getting upset that I wouldn't go to sleep when it was 4:25AM. Then I heard my alarm go off and, of course, it was real life letting me know it was in reality time to get up.

This is about the 3rd or 4th time that I've had this kind of dream. It's really disconcerting to be dreaming that you're all anxious because you can't get to sleep and the next that happens is that your alarm is blaring to wake you up. As a result you don't even feel like you've slept those 8 hours at all. The line between feeling normal and feeling disconnected from reality becomes awfully blurry as a result. It takes at least 2 hours to recover from this sort of dream. I've had horrible nightmares of being stabbed to death or being stalked by a killer chainsaw wielding maniac and those dreams don't affect me past 15 minutes of wakefulness like this stupid dream has.

One of the ways that I know that I'm slipping into a manic mood is that I don't need as much sleep or can't get to sleep. So, if I'm dreaming about not being able to sleep is that a cue that I will be having some manic dreams? What sucks even more is that I can't remember the last time that I had a sex dream. I guess I'm past my sexual prime and my subconscious mind knows it.

I suppose the weirdest moment in dreams is when you realize that you are indeed dreaming but don't wake up. Nonetheless, I still don't have that ability to control my dreams when I have the mental awareness of being in REM. The only control that I seem to exhibit is that if something scary or bad happens I can tell myself it's just a dream and wake myself up. The ultimate nightmare scenario would be if I couldn't wake myself.

That sentiment, of course, goes back to my fear of sleep since I relate sleeping to death. Back when my anxiety was full blown I had terrible insomnia and was afraid to go to sleep just because I was concerned that I might not ever wake up. Letting go of your conscious mind is somewhat like dying, at least it is to me. Slipping into sleep is a mental release that I still need to do to this day. I essentially give myself permission to sleep.

Yeah, I'm pretty fucked in the head, aren't I?

Slow ball offerings

Shortly after the announcement that the Phillies announced Myers assignment to the minors they announced the promotion of left handed relief pitcher, RJ Swindle.

I can hear most of you now-


"Who?"


Well for starters- he's not Myers replacement in the rotation. He's filling in the bullpen for Clay Condrey who is on paternity leave. Secondly, he's a guy who isn't considered by many professional baseball scouts to be a good prospect or even a major leaguer.

"Why?" You ask?

He's a tad old as he's turning age 25 this Monday (Happy Birthday RJ!!) and his best pitch is a curve ball that travels at the speed of 51 mph. Yes, you read that right; that's not a typo. He throws a ball at a speed that you and I can throw without much effort. His fastball can reach speeds up to a Jamie Moyeresue 84 mph.

"He sounds like he sucks, are the Phillies' minor league system that bad that they have to call up this guy?!"

Well, while the upper tiers of the system don't exactly inpire confidence, RJ's performance has forced the Phillies' hand to make this move. His numbers are very, very good despite having what you would might consider an unimpressive repetoire of pitches. He's struck out 48 batters in 40 innings for the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs and has an ERA around 2. If you didn't know what he throws you might think we have another Lidge waiting in the wings. Funny thing is- if you look at his stats throughout his career he has very similar numbers. Yet he keeps getting dropped by teams like the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees.

I highly recommend that you read this interview that was conducted at The Good Phight about a month ago when his stats started to receive some attention. I guess scouts and talent evaluators don't know everything and I truly hope that he has a chance to show his stuff and has success at the major league level with the Phillies. Pitching is often about changing speeds and location and pure speed isn't everything. Greg Maddux and Jamie Moyer are proof of this.

Congrats RJ!

Excuse me while I pick up my jaw off from the floor....

Just when you think you have the Phillies pegged...

Brett Myers has been awful this year, but you figured the Phillies had too much money invested in him to do much about it.

NOPE

Wow, just wow.

I see dead people

In honor of George Carlin's passing, NBC reran the very first episode of Saturday Night Live this past weekend. I watched most of it and I was astounded to see how many people on the show that are now no longer with us. Sure it's been 33 years, but here is a list of people of the top of my head on that show who are now dead.


Michael O'Donohue-originally a Not Ready for Prime Time player (for 2 weeks) and eventually a head writer, he opened the show with Belushi and Chase.

John Belushi- the first big death of the original cast. I was surprised at how low key he was in the 1st episode.

George Carlin- he was the host, yet he didn't appear in any sketches that I saw. He did parts of his stand up including on how baseball and football differ. I had his stand up on cassette tape back in high school and I would listen to it often.

Jim Henson- While he was only on for a year Jim Henson and his Muppets (no Kermit or Fozzie tho) were a regular feature of the show. I really miss Jim and his imagination and craft.

Gilda Radner- one of the funniest comedians, male or female there was.

Billy Preston- he was a musical guest, the man played with Beatles and was a legend all on his own.

Andy Kaufman- this warped genius made his TV debut with his Mighty Mouse routine, part of me thinks he's still alive and laughing at us.


Interesting note- George Carlin was 38 (my age) when he hosted the show---AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Thought of the day

We are probably the last generation or the next to the last generation of people who will die from natural causes.


If you think about the fast speed of technology, computers, medical science and genetics, someone somewhere will figure out how to stop aging or transfer our brains into a computer or revitalize our bodies towards immortality. The question is when and not if. If I had to guess, sometime by 2060 we'll have discovered how to stop aging and therefore people will only die from accident, disease or design (like war).

The consequences are many, the gap between class will increase even more and humans will evolve through their own design rather than by natural selection. Unfortunately I think me and my peers will just miss the chance to be ageless. Perhaps my children will, I wonder how they will honor the dead as it will become even more rare.

RIP Oogley Googley

My children have just experienced their first pet death. We have had three gold fish since September and last night I noticed that the one that had bulging eyes looked white and was limp and caught in the filter. His cause of death is unknown but hey, it's a fish and I'm not doing an autopsy on the way to the toilet. My nonchalance attitude about Oogley Googley's demise was quite the opposite reaction that my children had.

The kids were brushing their teeth before bed and I informed Lynn as to the dead fish. She grabbed the net and scooped him into a container and we decided to let the kids say goodbye before flushing him away to his final watery grave.

"Jonathan and Gabriel" Lynn said as she walked into the bathroom with the corpse, "I have some bad news, Oogley Googley has died." (Try saying that with a straight face!!)

Immediately both kids started bawling and howling as if they were told I was dead or all of their Pokemon cards burned up in a freak fire. Tears streamed down their faces as they loudly lamented the news of his death. While I wasn't expecting them to be happy about the news, I was somewhat shocked about how hard they took it. Their wails were reminiscent of Muslim women at funerals in the middle east. They were bawling so loudly that it became comical to my wife and I and I even had to leave the room to laugh as Lynn hugged them close so she could smile without them seeing. I know that sounds insensitive but the complete overreaction was a sight to behold. It was just a fish after all.

Nevertheless, we consoled them as best as we could as toothpaste dribbled out of their crying mouths. Jonathan informed us that he may want to stay home the next day so he could grieve. I would've thought it was good angle shoot but his concern was genuine so I didn't answer him right away. They seemed fine this morning and they went to camp seemingly unaffected.

They expressed their wishes that if we were to get another fish that we would honor him and name him Oogley Googley II. Death hits us all differently. In some ways having fish is a good growth tool as children can learn about mortality without having true tragedy.

So, thanks for brightening our lives a little bit Oogley Googley, it was nice knowin' ya!

Oogley Googley
2007-2008
RIP

Welcome to the club, Matt!

My oldest friend is a guy named Matt. He and I have known each other since Kindergarten in Philly and then across the street from me in Richboro. (Both our families moved away from NE Philly at the same time to the same area) Matt is a great guy with a good sense of humor and a really solid foundation of ethics. If there's anyone in this world I can count on to do the right thing it would be Matt. Matt just recently had his first child, a lovely baby girl.

So congrats Matt! Welcome to the club!

sucker


Ahhhhhhahahahahahahahahaha!!

Fighting the fog of depression

As I mentioned previously my depression swings tend to be a reversed mania where I get agitated and annoyed easily due to some rapid cycling thoughts. But every once in a blue moon I get a "normal" depression swing. The type where you just want to sleep all day, not deal with anyone or anything, it's tough to concentrate, you think in terms of pity and sorrow and your brain feels "foggy".

In the old days I would literally go hide in a closet or wallow somewhere for a few days until good ole mania would return and bring me up and outta bed. These days I either don't have the luxury to pay attention to my depression or somehow I've learned to fight through it by sticking to routine. Perhaps over the years of trying to mask my true insanity I've been able to apply good acting skills to any emotion that I don't wish to convey. I'd bet if you were to ask my wife this week if I am down in the dumps she'd answer that I wasn't.

Basically this week has been a struggle as it feels like I am walking my way through a thick morass of sticky cotton candy. Thankfully, I never get suicidal and I know that my depression pales in comparison to what millions of people go through on a daily basis. I guess in some ways my manic tendencies "save" me from really getting stuck in a rut.

I know this blog entry comes off as sounding whiny but that's the way I get sometimes, I'm sure most of us do. Part of blogging for me is being able to look at myself in a frank manner. I doubt I help anyone through blogging but nonetheless I feel it's important to be open.

Thanks for the super geniuses

I'm sitting here watching Nova on PBS and they are talking about dark matter and how they know it exists or else we're completely wrong about the laws of gravity. It's invisible and so far undetectable, yet these scientists are building underground super freezers to detect it. Blah blah blah...

I consider myself a smart guy and while i can understand what they're talking about on shows like Nova, I can't fathom what sort of intelligence it takes to even consider stuff like dark matter. These are people who are super geniuses and represent such a small segment of the population yet they do so much for mankind. These are people who likely are very good at being social yet they continue to contribute in ways that the general public aren't even aware.

99.9999% of us go about our daily routines without worrying about string theory or even how our TV's get pictures, cars drive us to where we need to go, or why dark matter is 5 times more prevalent than ordinary matter. But these super geniuses have their synapses firing on all cylinders and invent, create, theorize and make our lives better.

Thank you super geniuses, you're better than I am and I appreciate what you do for us.

Get the fuck outta the fast lane!!

To honor the recently departed George Carlin-

"Anyone who drives slower than you is an idiot and anyone who drives faster than you is a maniac!"

If you include bathroom breaks, fast food stops and gas fill ups I drove a combined 21 hours in the last 4 days on my trip to Greenville SC and back. 12 hours on Thursday and 9 hours on Sunday (Lynn drove for 2 hours) I've recently been in Pennsylvania, Maryland, West Virginia, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Washington DC and Delaware. (Trivia question- which of those states wasn't part of the 13 colonies?) I've seen gas pricing range from $4.33 a gallon to $3.67 a gallon. It was the sort of drive the sucks the life out of you. Admittedly, however, it doesn't come close to being as bad my 60 hours on a plane in 10 days that I once did on a trip to Asia. I really did try to make it go quicker but it's next to impossible to do some real speeding in the Atlantic corridor. The way down we took the PA turnpike to route 81 to route 77 to route 85. Almost the whole way was 2 lanes of traffic. We took route 85 all the way to 95 to get home. It was slightly faster but we had a decent amount of traffic to contend with for a Sunday.

My luck was the worst when it came to passing people. It seemed like trucks were driving side by side to make it impossible to pass. Plus they'd seemed to jump out in front of you at the last minute. Either that or you were constantly running into clusters. You'd have a good mile of driving by yourself on the highway at 85 mph and then you'd have about 10-20 cars all bunched up together for 5 miles. Unless you weaved in and out like Speed Racer or just pushed on the horn to get people out of your way you got stuck going slow. I guess some people feel safer when they have others in front of them or near them instead of driving out in the open. But the most annoying part is that people just will not get out of the passing lane when you move up behind them.

ARRRGHHH!! I really hate that! Get the fuck outta my way dammit!!

Whenever I see someone coming up behind me in my rear view mirror I move over to the right lane as soon as there is an opening. It's common courtesy and it's also the law in most states. Sure, my lead foot isn't exactly legal, but move over and you won't have to deal with me anymore.

At least the kids were about as best behaved as possible for a 12 hour drive. The DVD player helped, but even still I commend their demeanor as I have awful memories of me and my brother Duane constantly fighting in the car on vacations.

"Mom! Duane's touching me!!"

"Brian won't get his foot off my book!"

"Stop making faces at me!"

"Are we there yet?"

Duane and I used to fight over who sat in the seat behind my dad because the other side was considered the "hitting" side. He couldn't reach behind himself to whack whoever was misbehaving, so he would just hit whoever was sitting behind my mom whenever one of us would start complaining about the other. You definitely can see the strategic importance of sitting behind dad as you could be the aggressor without much punishment. Although, if you really did push your luck you'd get it good once you got out of the car and I do remember both of us getting a good beating one time when my dad pulled over to the side of the road because we were being so bad.

My kids hardly complained about how long it was taking at all and they got along fine. I must be a better father than my dad, especially since my kids don't argue on who gets to sit on the hitting side.

Out of office alert! Gonna go see the wife's kin.

Lynn's cuz in South Carolina is having his 25th anniversary party this weekend. As a result, I'm stuffing the kids in the car tomorrow morning and making the 10+ hour trek to Greenville. I doubt that I'll be posting any blog entries during this long weekend. I also hope that the moonshine will not make me go blind.

Have a good weekend.

Attack of the PG-13 superhero movies

My son Jonathan loves superheroes just as much as the next 9 year old boy. I was a big comic book nerd myself (and still am) back in the day. This summer we have the pleasure of having 4 superhero movies. 3 of which are direct from the comics- Iron Man, Batman (The Dark Knight), and The Incredible Hulk. (the Will Smith acted Hancock being the original material) He has been relentlessly bugging me that he wants to see these films.

Sadly for Jonathan all 4 movies are rated PG-13. Which basically means that I have to watch all 4 movies before I allow him to see it- just to be on the "good parenting" side of things. I'm fairly sure he'll be fine (altho, his 7 year old brother may not be) with the cartoonish violence and sexual innuendos. After all, he's still a well adjusted kid after seeing all 3 Spiderman movies and the Transformers. Movies that had impalings, all around scary moments, kissy-poos and masterbatory jokes. I'm also fairly sure that he knows more than he lets on. Even still, I sense that the birds and bees talk is right around the corner.

Looking back, I recall seeing R rated movies while I was under 13. My friend Adam was the rich kid who had a Beta-max (lol) before most of us even knew of VCR's and we got to see movies like Animal House, Airplane and Caddyshack on video tape. I may be a sick twist, but I doubt my mental illness is derived from being exposed to breasteses at an early age. Heck, my dad even had a subscription to Playboy and I got to sneak in his room and got many a gander at the Full Mindy. Later, as I turned 13, my family splurged to get cable and the PRiSM premium channel. I eventually discovered the wonderful world of soft-core porn that was readily available at 2AM. Thus I know know that If I'm not careful with Jonathan's internet activities he will eventually be exposed to free online porn with animals, foot fetishes and bukakke parties.

Unfortunately for me, I really don't have the time to get to see the movies in the theater anymore and I was a BIG movie goer before rearing children. I'm sure as both kids get into their tweens and up, I'll be able to expand my movie viewing pleasure and be able to go out to the theater more since they will be able to go with me. I believe the first R rated movie I saw with my Dad at the theater was Revenge of the Nerds. I think I may have even glanced over to see if he laughed at the "hair pie" joke for his approval. I felt more "adult" that day for having been viewed as someone who can be mature enough to handle frat party immaturity.

Genetically altered bugs that poop oil

Sounds crazy, right?

It's true!

I found that news story linked on a message board today. To summarize for the lazy-genetically altered yeast producing bacteria and E. Coli Bacteria can ferment sugars to produce carbonless petroleum. The company has just started and obviously mass production isn't possible at this stage, but they could conceivably produce oil at $50 a barrel (current pricing is over $138).

The wonderful thing about capitalism is that if you have a need, someone ultimately fills that need. While a totally unchecked free market creates some inequity and problems (ie. Enron), it does come thru in the clutch.

I look forward to putting bug poop into my car and I hope I see the day.

Happy Manufactured Commercial Holiday!!

Not that I don't mind getting some extra attention and pampering from the family but Father's day is made to sell cards, ties and tools. I try to honor my father the best way I can without being too sappy. As sardonic as he is, he wouldn't want some sanguine card with a contrived message anyways. I feel the same way and I prefer that if they wish to express their love and appreciation today that they spend some time with me or just give me a hug. It doesn't take much to make someone feel wanted and appreciated, it's a shame that we need holidays as a reminder. Nonetheless, if you're dad or have a dad- spend some time together and have a great father's day.

Yet another poker report

Played in a home cash game last night (Lottery Larry again) and will be playing in a tournament at my house tomorrow night.

Pokerpokerpokerpokerpokerpokerpokerpokerpoker......whoooohooooo!


While I wasn't a huge winner by any stretch, I definitely made some plays that I liked. One hand in particular I think I made a nice read. The blinds were $0.50/$1.00 and I was in on the cut off position and looked down at pocket tens. The hand was limped once or twice to the guy to my right. (it was a night of lots of limping, which ultimately if you can play better post flop pays very well.) He put in a raise to $4 and was playing rather loosely up most of the night and had no problems raising with 10 9 offsuit. I decided to pop it again as I didn't think he had a real hand. To my dismay the small blind called rather quickly and then the original raiser also called.
At least I had position on both of them!

The flop cam a low and ragged one. I believe the board was 2 4 6 all different suits. Both my opponents checked. There's no way anyone was playing a 3 5 or even low pocket pairs. Plus the more I thought about it, there really was only one hand that was conceivable that was currently beating me- pocket jacks. I firmly believed that if either of my opponents had a bigger pocket pair than jacks that they would have reraised me preflop. I just didn't think either player was capable of slow playing aces in that spot with a raise and reraise. My opponents range of holdings was down to JJ, 10 10, 9 9, 8 8, AK, & AQ, all of which I beat except the jacks.

Needless to say I liked my lot in life just then and put in a strong bet. There was 39 dollars in the pot so I put in about 2/3rds of the pot ($26). If either one had an underpair I get some more money into the pot with a call, if they have the jacks they're likely to push all in and I have to make a big decision. If they have AK or AQ they'll likely fold and I push out out their chance of hitting one of their overcards. I threw out the bet and both folded after some hemming and hawing. Both later said that they both had AK. Had I had my x-ray glasses I think I wouldve only thrown out 1/3rd of teh pot and hoped to get a call, but nonetheless I played it properly and made a good read. It's moments of realization like these that make you appreciate the game.

Here's hoping I make some similar ones tomorrow night.

Happy Birthday Lynn!!

My wife turns 32 today and damn, does she look good. She looks better than when she was 27. She's worked hard to do that and I wish I could say the same thing about me.

Last week I put myself on yet another diet. Not a fad diet or pills or program of any sort. I've just decided to stop eating so many snacks and sweet stuff and just eat my meals and fruits and veggies. I've done it before and I just need to apply myself and have the wherewithall to stop myself from regaining the weight. Easier said than done, but if Lynn can do it, then I gotta try. Besides, I did successfully quit smoking, so it should be a piece of cake, right? (gotta watch those cliches, they're making me hungry!)

So happy birthday sweetie- I hope you don't mind if I don't eat any of your cake.

Things that are hot

1) The weather here in PA is just below 100 degrees

2) The Phillies are 12-2 in their last 14 games

3) I heard thru a source of mine (sorry can't give names, but he/she is someone with access) that Phish is indeed reuniting and are currently negotiating their next tour dates and how much each member will get paid.

4) Jessica Alba in 6 months, now that she gave birth.

Recap: Meeting a bunch of weirdos from the interwebs

You know when you stand for 3 hours in a parking lot in the rain trying to eat leftover potato salad made by a guy you never met before it's a weird moment in your life. Yet it was all very fun and very worth the time and effort I put into getting that Motley Crue together. It's been somewhat surreal posting the last 2 days at Backshegoes.com because I can put voices and faces to many of the posters now.

I highly recommend reaching out and taking a chance to meet new people. It's a skill that I've somewhat lost over the last ten to fifteen years as I no longer attend school and I work with just family. I hope to do this again next year.

Father's day gift suggestion

What can I say? I'm just sick of sweaty pubes this summer.

People are strange

Somehow I've pulled it off.

I've convinced 27 strangers to come together for a ballgame tomorrow night and meet each other and sit together.

Perhaps "strangers" is an unkind word for me to use. (but strange may be perfectly apt) Although I haven't met most of the people before, I do have a fairly good grip on what type of personality each person has. And then there's the common thread amongst us all- we're all Phillies fans.

I've never sat down and thought about how many hours I've wasted reading and posting my opinions and crazy ideas over at www.Backshegoes.com and it's a good thing too, because I would then realize how pathetically socially needy I am. Nonetheless, these people who are all coming together tomorrow night are people who in some strange fashion my friends. Yes, I am admitting that I am friends with people with names like Woody, Vox Orion, Houshphandzadeh, LongDrive, PhightOn! and Tenured Vulture. What's stranger is that they know me not as Brian but as The Red Tornado.

Despite the fact that I expect some akward pauses tomorrow night, I fully think we'll somehow find our usual common ground of being a Phillies fan and the conversation will flow just fine. Thus I'm excited about going to the game tomorrow as I will be joined by my fellow sufferers who haven't seen a championship since 1980 (heck, half off them weren't even born yet!).

If you're at the game, look for our name in lights.

Your 1st place Phillies (or Utley is a God)

It sure is nice to see our Phils in 1st place at the beginning of June instead being tortured until the last day of the season like last year. Chase Utley is on fire and currently leads the National league in home runs and all-star votes- Rogers Hornsby, eat your heart out. Our 2nd baseman is looking like he could get the 3rd MVP trophy in as many years for the Phils if he continues his play throughout the year.

Now wouldn't a World Series ring be a nice thing to pair with the MVP awards?

Crack is whack

The Come Shot

Anyone who has watched a small modicum of porn (which I dare say is 99.9% of us) knows that unless there's a girl on girl scene, any scene in the movie will always end with a come shot. The true porn aficionado will point out that there are movies eloquently named "cream pies" where the man comes inside the actress. The scene will end with a lovely closeup of her vagina or anus dripping with semen. I argue that such movies are fetish oriented and deviate away from the norm. (how wonderful that we are talking about what's normal in porn!!)

If you haven't already clicked away from this blog entry yet then good, you understand what I'm talking about here. The whole thing lately has been irking me. Why is there a need to see the man's satisfaction come to a head? (I really have to be careful with the mis-intended puns here) I guess I'm weird for even caring about this as I usually turn off the porn and start looking for tissues before I even get to the come shot (or even the 2nd position change). If you catch my drift...

What's even stranger is that by having to show the come shot, the porn actors do stuff that we usually don't even consider doing because it wouldn't feel natural or as good as coming inside the mouth, vagina or anus. What I mean here is, that I wouldn't ordinarily pull out a few moments before having to ejaculate so I can come all over my wife's stomach, back, ass, face, hair, chest or eye unless I was practicing poor birth control. (and we all know how well THAT works!! coughJonathancough )

I suppose the feminist in me thinks that by emphasizing the man's pleasure, porn is inherently sexist.

Well, duhhhhh!!

Besides, women are capable of multiple orgasms. So, my sympathy towards sexism in porn is somewhat limited by that fact. You should also note that I say "capable", so if you're a woman who isn't having multiple orgasms I don't want to hear it unless your name is Lynn and you've been lying to me all these years.

The more I began to think of the cinematic nature of the come shot, the more I've noticed come shots in other genres aside from porn.

No, I'm not suggesting that men are ejaculating on a regular basis in summer action movies or on the local news. But, look carefully when watching certain formulaic shows and you'll see what I'm alluding to. The most obvious being a cooking show. For a half hour you watch this chef/cook prepare one or several dishes. The show usually doesn't end with a slow fade out on the food. No, the chef leans over his or hers own creation and takes a big bite and comments on how wonderful it is. The look of satisfaction on their faces is eerily similar to what's going on during the come shot in porn. You could probably photo-crop Rachel Ray's face while she's says, "Yummm-O!!" onto the body of John Holmes and get the same effect. (yet I have a feeling we're talking about fetish porn again)

I suppose all hard work (here we go with the puns again) deserves some attention and recognition and the come shot lets us see that every good deed gets its reward. It's just smacks of being creepy and cliche at the same time and that's not an easy thing to do.

Phish reunion?

Emphasis on the question mark. Short article in this months Rolling Stone issue quotes Trey Anastasio hinting at a reunion. Phish recently got together for a lifetime achievement award at the "Jammies". (and I always thought jammies were what you wear to bed...) It's only been about 4 years when they broke up. I guess a little jail time and rehab will wake your ass up and make you realize what got you where you are. In some ways I wish they'd wait another 8 years for when my kids are old enough that I can be that old hippie guy who follows them around and sells cheese sandwhiches for ticket and drug money. Either way, it'll be good to have Trey back in a clearer frame of mind. When he's sharp, he's one of the best guitar players in the world.

Rooting for a rout

As I write this the Phillies are beating the Rockies 16 to 4 in the 8th inning. Last night they beat the Astros 15-6. Some may say that a rout like that gets boring. Not me- I relish a good old fashioned ass-whoopin. No heart attacks as you worry that they may blow a 1 run lead or need to pick up some runs to win. Just pure unadultered fun. The Phillies offense again is starting look like it has in recent years and hopefully we'll see even more games like the last 2 nights.


EDIT: Now it's 20-4 and bases loaded for the Phils!! BAHAHAHAHA!!

Online poker is rigged

well, not most sites, but do not play at Absolute Poker or Ultimate Bet

Ultimate Bet Cheats

The Phantom Five

Today I read an article/opinion piece that profiled the ownership group of the Phillies. It's a long article and somewhat poorly written in some parts, but the overall view of why the Phillies is run the way it's run makes it worth reading.

Essentially, we may luck into a World Series title in the next 5 years with this incredible core of players like Howard, JRoll, Utley and Hamels but unless the current ownership group is replaced I doubt we'll ever have an organization that holds its upper level employees responsible for wins and losses. Here's hoping for dumb luck.

Please, please, please, make it so, RyHo!

The Phillies first baseman, Ryan Howard, went 3 for 5 last night with 2 homers and 4 ribbies. That may not seem out of the ordinary for the big guy but this year it has been. Slumping thru most of April and May and with JRoll out for a few weeks I was amazed that the Phillies stayed above the .500 mark with only one good starting pitcher. You can thank Utley and Burrell and their hot streaks in the early going for that.

Ryan really hit the homers far too, so let's hope this a new trend and he's emerging from his slump. With Howard back at his old ways, JRoll in the lineup and perhaps some pitching help from Benson or Happ and we can make another run. The next few weeks the schedule doesn't look so scary, so hopefully they make the best of it. Cross your fingers.

LOL Donkaments

Poker when played optimally will lead to winning money over enough time and hands. Of course there will be short term variance that will lead to losing streaks despite how skilled you are. Tournaments have an even higher variance due to the escalating blinds and antes (forced bets) that create players to act with hand holdings that are less than preferred and players will try to bluff and steal more often than in cash. The increased luck factor obviously takes out some of the skill. The more players that play in a tourney, the more luck is a factor over skill. It's why guys like Chris Moneymaker and Jerry Yang have won millions of dollars in the main event of the WSOP.

The higher variance of tourneys has led the posters over at 2+2 to nickname them "donkaments". The donk part refers to "donkey"- lingo for a bad player. The posters there even raised alot of money to donate to Barry Greenstein's charity to get him to say the phrase, "LOL Donkaments" on the TV show, High Stakes Poker.

This past Saturday's home tourney reminded me of why donkament is such an apt name. Never have I seen so many inferior hands win over statistical favorites. One player even called an huge all-in pre-flop bet with an ace and ten of hearts to be dominated by his opponents aces. Less than one times out of ten will the ace ten suited win, so it was a big suck out when 4 hearts hit the board and the poor player with aces went home in 4th place.

Personally, I even beat 4 to 1 odds to win a huge hand that propelled me to a 2nd place finish. The blinds started to get big and it was time to start making some moves. I was dealt a king and queen of diamonds so I came in for a raise. I ended up with 3 other callers (BAH-No respect!!) so already the pot was large before the cards came out. The flop was ragged as it contained a 9, 10 and 5 with 3 different suits. Since I was the preflop aggressor and there was a decent amount of chips to be won I figured I should take the first stab at it. I bet the size of the pot and I got a quick call from Chris, the others folded.

Chris is a solid player, but his flat call made me suspicious. It meant one of two things to me- he had a huge hand and was trapping me (possible but unlikely) or he suspected me of stealing (which I was) and had a "bluff-catcher". A bluff-catcher is a hand that probably beats most of my holdings if I'm bluffing. So, he could have hands like AK, AQ, 88, 77, 66, etc. I ruled out jacks or better because I think he reraises preflop with those. I think this type of hand is the most likely and therefore I think I can move him off the hand with an all-in bet if a favorable turn card comes. If I get called by nines, tens or fives then "c'est la vie" and I go home.

The turn card was a 4, so unless Chris was fucking around with a 78 the card is a good one to make the bluff with as it likely hasn't hit Chris. I take a little time to count out my stacks and then push it in and announce my all in.

I get instacalled.

He turned over pocket 8's which really surprised me. That basically told me he thought I was bluffing the whole time as there really weren't many hands that he can beat except for a bluff. Pocket 7's were the only holding aside from a bluff that I could have that he could be beating and even that hand would be me bluffing at the pot. A10, A9, 78, K10, J10, 10's, 9's, 6's, 5's, jacks thru aces wre all strong possibilities for me to have in my hand. Chris went with his gut that I was making a play and made a great call here. I have to give kudos to him.

Unfortunately for him, the bad luck was high that night and the queen came on the river and I won the huge pot and took the chip lead. (I had about an 18% chance of winning with a jack, queen or king) He lasted a little while on a short stack but never recovered. My respect for Chris' game has risen over the past year and I somewhat regret inviting him to the game. (not really tho, because it's mostly for fun)

I eventually got heads up with a 6 to 1 chip lead but as luck would have it my opponent doubled up twice with some small bad beats to me and I had no choice but to go all in with an ace three and lost to his ace queen. Shame the worse hand wins trend stopped there.

What can you do? LOL Donkaments

Who's Ed McMahon?!!

Just this past Saturday night I played in my regular home game and poker tournament. (report coming up tonight or tomorrow) At the final table I am sandwiched in between two guys in their early 20's, Tim and Chris. I was fairly manic-y that night as I usually am during poker events. The previous night I was up until 3am with insomnia due to racy thoughts. So fueled solely on a manic high I was more Brian-ish than usual. (Wow, two made up words in one paragraph!!) I was singing at times. I was making inappropriate jokes (like joking about Tom sucking on his Mother's tit with her right next to him). I was also doing silly impersonations. In other words, I was my usual obnoxious self.

Certain phrases and words said by others were triggering my brain to sing songs that those words or phrases reminded me of. So, when someone announced that he had a pair of sixes by saying, "I got sixes", the Schoolhouse Rock song, I Got Six popped into my head and I started to sing it. Tim curiously started to look at me as I was singing the song, "I got six, that's all there is. Six times one is six- one times six." "Is that a made up song?", he queried.

I fully expect someone of Tim's age and generation to not know the Schoolhouse Rock catalog of songs. Especially as I Got Six is one of the more obscure and less popular ones. The Schoolhouse Rock animated shorts were beloved by my generation as they played in between the usual mix of Saturday morning cartoons. Most of my core knowledge of the multiplication tables, American History and the preamble to the constitution, basic science and human physiology and grammar was due to me being a typical kid couch potato every Saturday morning. I weep for Tim's generation as they did not have Schoolhouse Rock's catchy tunes beaten into their young impressionable brains. He did a have a glimmer of recognition when I told him it was the same guys who made I'm Just a Bill and Conjunction Junction.

I felt a touch old as I thought about that but then I felt even older a few minutes after that. After a interesting card came out on the turn on one hand I screamed, "Hey-o!!" in my best Ed McMahon impersonation. (well, it really was an impersonation of the late, great Phil Hartman impersonating Ed, but you get my point.) I followed up my initial Ed catch-phrase with a "You are correct sir!" and an Ed laugh. Chris then asks me, "Who are you impersonating?" I didn't know if I should be insulted as I thought Chris didn't recognize the impersonation because I was doing it poorly. I sheepishly replied, "Ed McMahon" Then the shock and awe bombing began with the next question from Chris-

"Who's Ed McMahon?"

"Are you serious?!" I incredulously replied somewhat out of line.

After some explaining that Ed was Johnny Carson's sidekick on the Tonight Show and he's the guy who delivers the big Clearinghouse sweepstakes check, he did know who Ed McMahon was. He then made the comparison to him being an Andy Richter and since he was close enough, I let the subject drop. A person who was a pop culture icon to my generation and to the 2 or 3 generations before me was becoming a footnote.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think Chris is dumb or anything like that for not knowing who Ed McMahon is. Quite the contrary as Chris appears to me to be a very intelligent, mature and funny young man. (good poker player too) Looking up the tonight Show on wiki, I see that Ed and Johnny said their goodbyes in 1992. While 1992 doesn't seem all that long ago to me, it's 16 years!! Chris was around 7 years old when Ed for the most part left the TV scene. Unless Chris' parents were completely neglectful or had weird ideas about when to put children to bed and what to let him watch on TV, It's understandable that he wouldn't instantly recognize the impression or name as I do. It's just like when I got a dirty look for not knowing who Ernie Kovacs was when I was in college. (I do now, having seen alot of his stuff, he was brilliant and groundbreaking)

So there you have it- what was once a star is now a memory. I am a bigger old fart than I previously thought (yet again, it seems to be getting worse...) and my only solace is knowing that someday Chris might finding himself saying, " 'Who's Andy Richter?!!' How could you not know who Andy Richter is?!!"

Accessible art

This week we received a note from Jonathan's art teacher that his art work will be on display at the North Penn high school for 2 nights in their gym. While this sounds like another brag about my son (and I do like bragging about his wonderful talent), it really is about something else entirely.

The art show was for the entire North Penn school district, from Kindergarten to the 12th grade. I was astounded as to the number of pieces of art that was on display. I know that North Penn is a huge school district but the amount of work that was on display from just high school students filled 4 long hallways filled with kiosks. Upon closer inspection I noticed that alot of the art work was digital photography and manipulation of photos.

Most of us have a certain level of creativity and we can imagine designs, pictures and ideas rather easily. Unfortunately, the problem we run into is that most of us can't draw worth a lick to express what ideas we have onto paper. So unless you can draw, sculpt or paint you are shit out of luck when it comes to creating art. (I'm excluding things like acting and writing as "art") Even with training and instruction the ability to create art is mostly innate. While artists will benefit from art schools and courses, unless you have that natural flair that someone like my son, Jonathan has to begin with, it usually won't improve your ability enough to make people notice or have the quality be acceptable to yourself. Most of us don't have that access to create our own art.

It's a shame really. While art is accessible in the sense that anyone can try it and do whatever they want without "rules", it isn't accessible enough that anyone can do what they want and translate what's in their head to the paper, canvas or clay. But after attending last night's show I'm starting to think that has changed.

Aside from clever internet pictures where you put your head on muscled body or make a cat say some funny things, photo-shopping and digital photo manipulation is making the creation of art more accessible to a new generation. You don't even have to have the ability to make a perfect circle because the computer will do it for you. Plus you can even do things that may not have even been possible to do with a traditional art medium. There were some really clever, scary, disturbing, moving and inspiring things that I saw some 14-18 year olds doing with their digital photos. While it may never gain true acceptance into the art world, it does allow us regular schmoes to express ourselves in areas that we couldn't do before.

With accessible art and tons of free internet porn for the next generation I don't feel so bad any more about global warming, peak oil production and depleted social security.

What the heck is up with Myers?!

As I write this the Phils are losing badly to the Braves because our starting day opener, Brett Myers, has let up another big lead.

I've heard reports that he doesn't have the velocity once had. Maybe he's a basket case and isn't pitching with his head. Maybe he was screwed up by being in the pen last year.

Whatever the case may be, I hope he gets it straightened out, because the Phils need him if we wish to contend. Eaton is falling back to suckitude again, Moyer can't last forever, and Kendrick is spotty at best this year.

Cross your fingers that Happ continues his success in the minors and Kris Benson can make a come back.

Feast or famine

You ever get the feeling that work is almost always really boring and not much to do or it's incredibly hectic and stressful?

There you are sitting at your computer and you're doing your best to look like you're busy but in reality you have nothing to do (or if you do have something, you're either putting it off or don't feel like doing it). Whether you're tweaking your fantasy football team or looking up sexual positions on Wikipedia you eventually find yourself getting lulled to sleep and then BLAM!!! The phone starts ringing, orders are pouring in, problems pop up, you only have 20 minutes til the UPS man arrives to pick up and then the chairman (aka Dad) comes in and starts making more work for you and also yells at you because you used 6 extra cents of postage by accident.

When I sold cars, we would refer to this phenomena as "feast or famine". Meaning you could go 3 weeks without selling very many cars and at not very high profits and then have a bonzer week where you sell 3 used cars at asking price and get paid handsomely. There was no real balance as to when customers came calling.

For me the long stretches of ennui are far worse than the whirlwind of harried activity and juggling you had to do when you were busy. At least when you're all over the place trying to get things done in an expedient manner, time flies by and before you know you're at home relaxing (albeit tired) or doing something you really want to do. Besides, my ego needs to feel like I've accomplished something, even if it's that I put together 143 packages to go out by UPS that day. I can at least say to myself that something was done.

There's something to be said for consistency. But ultimately, life needs variety and surprises in order to function better. So I guess a little feast or famine is a good thing for your character.

Do you know the way to San Jose? Trip Report part IV, Final report

I've wondered if I caused my blog to come to a grinding halt with this long winded trip report. Nonetheless, I will trudge on and finish for the one or two people who who wished to be bored.


Last we left the story, we we both got dressed up in fancy clothes and boarded the wine train. It was our anniversary night so I splurged for the glass top seats so we could have the best view on what would be a romantic night. The meal itself was very nice, the service was top notch. It was like having a gourmet meal on a moving (slowly- about 10mph of you ask me) train. Aside from the fun of watching our waiter pour drinks while rocking, there wasn't much benefit to eating a meal while on a train. I can't say that I recommend it. Even when the train stopped before dessert, we went to the back of the train for a look-see and all there was a tin shack and a dusty road. Plus the view was repetitive with mostly vineyard after vineyard and some strip malls thrown in. Most vineyards didn't even decorate towards the side of the train tracks.

Despite some disappointment, we had a very nice time. It's hard to feel slighted when you have a beautiful woman staring lovingly into your eyes the whole time.

The next day we went on a bus tour that stopped at various wineries. The benefit was that you could taste to your heart's delight and not have to worry about getting inebriated and driving over a hillside cliff or into the wine train. Our tour guide was a middle aged woman who dressed as if she were 25 and had a fun attitude. She probably had danced and slutted up the disco floors in the 70's and 80's. Her fun outlook, however, was infectious as it was genuine feeling and not a forced saccharine of "Hey, I'm a wild and crazy tour guide and let's party!" kind of feeling. Her knowledge of the valley and the wines was very astute and she took us to places we probably wouldn't have gone since they were mostly smaller vineyards and tasting rooms. Towards the end of the end of the day and having bought 11 bottles of wine, I was getting really sick of drinking. Lynn also was feeling the alcohol as she started to really miss the kids.

We had a small Italian dinner at a cafe that night and called it an early night. (we are soooo lame, aren't we?) The next morning we had our breakfast and made our way towards San Jose. The GPS was getting really annoying as it seemed to tell me to turn on the wrong ramps several times. I was ready to throw the system out the window, had I heard the voice saying, "recalculating" one more time. Eventually we found our way to the Winchester mystery house.

Had you not heard of this place, you should visit the wiki page about it as it's a really neat place. The tour was among my favorite parts of the trip. Our tour guide was a 60-something Texan who loved to laugh loudly at his own jokes. It was truly scary. It's one thing to laugh at your own stupid humor, but it's another thing when that laugh is loud and boisterous. I've making Lynn laugh over the last week as I've been imitating the tour guide a few times. We then had a nice dinner at a pub that made it's own beer. Much like an Iron Hill Brewery, it was anice cap to our trip. The next morning we made the 7 hour trip home and finally got to see our kids, whom we missed terribly at that point.


So, that was my trip. I'm sure I left out some details, but I was boring enough. Tomorrow, I'll post about something nutty again.

Whine -Trip Report part III

We arrived in Napa in the mid-afternoon and with nothing in our bellies but some cherries. We did a quick check in at a beautiful bed & breakfast located right in town. The proprietor let us know where the diner, Taylor's Automatic was located. This was a place that we saw on Food network's Drive-ins, Diners and Dives that we thought looked pretty neat. I ordered a burger that had an onion ring with blue cheese in the middle and bacon. We also ordered some buttered garlic fries that tasted fantastic. It was like diner food with a Napa gourmet twist and it was dee-lish!

By the time we finished our late lunch, there really was no time to visit any wineries since most closed by 430PM. Luckily our B&B room had a jacuzzi tub for 2 and we took a nice long soak. It was perfect and fun and I'll spare you the details of what else we did in the room. (altho, look for me to upload some digital video soon...) We eventually poked our heads out and checked out other parts of the inn. They had a table with some cards and giant checkers. So I jokingly used the checkers as poker chips and we played each other heads up for a few hands. (red was $5 and black was $10) The game soon changed into blackjack and then the wildest game of Crazy Eights I've ever played. The damn game just wouldn't end. I kept picking up spades and diamonds and Lynn kept picking up clubs and hearts. After 20 minutes we called it a draw and went out in search of food and wine.

We went into the main town of Napa and found a wine bar that had some decent food. We shared a cheese plate and had some soup and started to drink some copious amounts of red wine. Lately I've been into Red Zinfandel and Lynn has been liking the Syrahs. Before I could get too drunk we made it back and called it a night.

The next day we had decided to visit a few wineries on our own before going to the wine train for our anniversary dinner. That day was our actual anniversary. Lynn's co-worker had recommended 2 wineries to us when she heard we were visiting Napa. We plugged the address into the GPS system and quickly learned it was 90 minutes away!! I guess she thought that any winery in CA is close to each other. (we later found out that Napa valley only produces 6% of California wines.) Not to be daunted by the trip, I trudged forward as it was something my wife wanted to do and it was my anniversary and I was willing to do whatever made her happy.

Of course just as we got close to the Rte 101 exit to Healdsburg the GPS system was flashing low battery- no problem- we'll just plug it in and let it charge as it works....

NOPE

It didn't charge at all and it the damn thing just quit on us!!

So, he we are in a place I have no idea where I'm at, no maps, no GPS, and no idea on how to get back to the Inn! I called Alamo to complain and to see what could be done. They said it was like to be a fuse in the charger that needed replacing and to find one at a local gas station. We eventually stumbled on an auto parts store and after not finding the needed fuse at first we did find the necessary fuse in a box of 20 assorted fuses.

Whew!

But wait!

Murphy's law is still in play here....

We ended up on winding curvy roads again but this time there was a big bicycle touor going on at the time. It was impossible to pass the bikers since you couldn't see if someone was approaching on the other side of the road. So, basically we're stuck going 15 MPH down these roads and when we finally got to where the GPS said the winery was- THERE WAS NO WINERY!!

WTF?

Fed up I did a U-turn and headed back towards the highway. I saw a random winery and immediately drove in.

My impatience turned into some luck. The winery was called Everett and the people there was perhaps the friendliest people we came across the whole trip. The man did at first chide me because of my Phillies attire (the Phils beat the Giants the night before) but it turned out to be a pretty good batch of wines, plus the view was fantastic- it was situated on top of a hill that overlooked the valley and wineries. We bought a few bottles and headed towards the other winery recommended by Lynn's friend. That did turn out to be the right address and we found some nice mustards to buy aside from a few bottles of wine.

We didn't have time to visit Mondavi or Berringer's due to our reservation but even though we were out of the way, it was worth the trip.


Next up-- the wine train and getting sick of wine...

I'm becoming an internet superstar!!

Well, not me, but my ciggie bird is. She may not be as big as Chocolate Rain yet, but she's getting some love over at neatorama. A fellow poster at backshegoes.com recommend that I submit the pictures to them and they posted it. Soon I will rule the interwebs!!

Now, where do I collect my checks?

link to the story

ESPN/Harrah's shakes up the WSOP

A few things happened to the World Series of Poker format while I was away-

For starters, here is the ESPN TV schedule for this year's WSOP events:

• July 22 - Event 1: $10,000 pot-limit hold 'em
• July 29 - Event 2: $1,500 no-limit hold 'em
• Aug. 5 - Event 3: $1,500 pot-limit hold 'em or Event 4: $5,000 mixed hold 'em
• Aug. 12 - Event 5: $1,000 no-limit hold 'em with rebuys
• Aug. 19 - Event 45: $50,000 HORSE
• Aug. 26 - Event 50: $10,000 pot-limit Omaha
• Sept. 2 to Oct. 28 - Event 55: $10,000 no-limit hold 'em main event
• Nov. 4 - Event 55: WSOP main event final table preview show (10pm)
• Nov. 11 - Event 55: WSOP main event final table

No stud events with the exception of the HORSE event (mixed games consisting of Hold Em, Omaha, Razz, Stud, and Eights or better stud.) I know that TV ratings are getting weaker and weaker for poker so it's a bitter pill to swallow to see less variety. A shame that they cut the HORSE down to 2 hours, 6 hours last year was perfect and fulfilling.

The other big change is that they are stopping play when the final table is established and will restart play in November, either a few hours before the televised event starts or a day or so. (I'm uncertain at this point)

That is big news to say the least. I think it could suck but if it helps boost the excitement of poker again to it's 2004/2005 levels then I'm all for it. Collusion could come into play. Players who made it to the table via some luck may get some coaching and may change how the game would've been played. Plus someone could die in that 4 month period!! I really hope it works and nothing taints the game. Poker has come a long way to get some respect and not be associated heavily with cheating, The Absolute Poker scandal didn't reach a big audience but a collusion scam at teh WSOP would be a huge media event that I'd hate to see come to pass.


Cross your fingers and hope ESPN and Harrah's knows what they are doing...

Head fer dem dar hills!! Trip report part II

Even if you haven't been to San Francisco before, you are probably aware of the many hills the city is situated upon. Walking around the city gives you a heckuva workout to say the least. I think that's why most people who live in the city aren't fatties. So, when we arrived by ferry to Alcatraz island, I thought we'd get a rest from walking up and down the streets of San Francisco.

No such luck.

Alcatraz is essentially a huge hill in the middle of the bay. Once a military post to protect the new city and it's gold mines, it was converted into a federal prison once the need for such a post was outdated. The prison was built at the acme of the big hill and one has to ascend up 4 steep inclines to start the tour.

Having already walked to the ferry boat from Fisherman's wharf, we were huffing and puffing rather heavily by the time we could start our audio tape tour (well, I was, Lynn is in shape.). The tour itself was one of the best parts of the trip. I am fascinated by mysteries as I already posted last month. The Alcatraz escape is right up there with the DB Cooper hijacking as far as peaking my interest levels. What I found strange is that the audio tour and park rangers never call it an escape but rather an escape "attempt". They acknowledge that the 3 men got over the fence and into the bay but since they deem it likely that they got killed by the frigid waters and torrent currents they never say that it was possible they escaped. Myself, I hold more faith in Clint Eastwood to think that the water could have taken him.

After the tour we headed back to the piers and wharf and had a decent meal on Pier 39. I loved sampling the local brews of Sierra Nevada, Anchor Steam and some Portland wheat ale that was very tasty. I figure since we were were going to Napa, there was no sense in partaking of wine until we arrived there. (and I'm glad we waited) The long day of walking caused an early night for us again and I think we still hadn't adjusted to the new time zone completely.

The next morning we had to check out and make our way up to the Napa valley. We decided to do a driving tour of the rest of San Fran and I even made my way down the treacherous Lombard street. Lombard street is so steep that they built switchbacks for a stretch of the road. Even scarier was parking on the next street down so we could get out and take pictures of the street. We had to park perpendicular to the street and it felt like our car could tip over with just a stiff wind. It was hard just getting my door open as I had to fight gravity to get out of my seat. Soon after we made our way to a few spots in the Golden Gate park. The park was beautiful and had all sorts of flowers and plants we didn't recognize and had an interesting pillar with statues in one part surrounded by a pond. The statues face away from the viewer with their heads down as if they were purposely trying to ignore us and/or moon us.

After the parks we ventured out to the Golden Gate bridge. I wasn't expecting much as I thought it was "just a bridge", but I must admit it has some mystical quality about it. It's a truly impressive bridge and it has much more much character than say the Walt Whitman. Driving across it, however, wasn't any more thrilling than any other bridge. (My favorite bridge drive is the Chesapeake Bay bridge) We set the GPS system to take us to Muir redwoods park and of course we encountered even more hills. Lots and lots of twisty and curvy hill side roads led us towards the park. I was very glad that I was not drunk or impaired in some fashion.

We eventually came across a roadside vendor and since all we had for breakfast was some coffee we bought some really delicious cherries. It was fun driving thru the curvy roads and spitting pits over the cliffs. Once we got to the park we started out on a 3 mile hike thru the woods. Being on the east coast, you just never get to see trees with trunks so wide and tall. I highly recommend going on this hike. Of course, the hike consisted of walking up hill and walking alongside a narrow and winding trail on the ridge. It was alot of fun and scenic.

The rest of the day consisted of traveling to Napa and checking in at the B&B- more on this soon...

Don't play Punch Buggy in California; Trip report part I

Don't you just hate when people go on and on and on about their vacations? They gab and jaw about what they did and where they went on their trip. And if you're really unlucky you have to look at a bunch of photos (or worse- home video tape) of themselves in front of landmarks, people they met, restaurants they ate at and the places where they took a dump.

Well guess what?

It's my turn to be that annoying person. Except I'll blog about my trip over a series of posts over the next week and I doubt I'll post any pics of our trip. Honestly, do you really need to see my fat ass hugging a redwood tree? (altho, that really does give some perspective as to how big the trees really are) So, sit down and get some sunglasses so you can pretend to be paying attention while you're really asleep...




Some pertinent background before I start- My wife and I like to play a game in the car called "Punch Buggy". It's a simple game and it's fairly common among children everywhere in the United States. Basically, if you see a Volkswagon Beetle, you hit the person next to you twice and wipe away the hit (as if to say that you didn't really mean it?) and shout, "punch buggy". Needless to say, it pays to be alert if you pass a WV dealership or else you'll end up bruised pretty badly. My wife and have added a variant where we get to give an extra set of punches if we espy a classic Beetle made prior to the newer style introduced in the 90's. Those are obviously only spotted once in a blue moon. We don't really hit each other all that hard. We do love each other, after all, and despite my wife's sadist tendencies to want to get smacked on the ass, we don't want to inflict bodily harm on each other. I think our competitive egos are bruised more than our bodies.

The night before the trip we had to sleep downstairs on a couch and easy chair as my in-laws were sleeping over as they had to watch the kids the next morning and we had to leave at 4:20AM for a 6:05AM flight. The adrenaline of knowing we were going on an exciting trip made it even harder to fall asleep and at 3AM I was awoken by 2 huge charlie horses in my thighs due to the weird sleeping position. My painful dance around the room stirred my wife to wake as well. Thus we arrived in San Jose after 7 1/2 hours flight time including the transfer in Chicago really, really tired.

We stumbled thru the airport and after getting our luggage we lumbered about looking for the rental car shuttles as we moaned, "Brains!! More Brains!!"

Okay, so maybe we weren't really zombies but we felt like them.

We decided to get the GPS system at the rental place for the extra money so we could just plug in the addresses and have the system tell us where to drive. Having only printed Google maps of our hotels, my reliance on the GPS quickly became apparent to me to be a mistake. The system at first was telling us we were north of San Francisco! San Jose is clearly about an hour south of the city, so I had to blindly go north as Lynn fiddled with the unit. Eventually we just turned off the GPS and started it up again and it started to work fine. (why is this the solution to fix almost everything these days?) We arrived at our hotel in San Fran in the Union Square area shortly around 1PM Pacific time. It felt like 9PM to us.

The car ride to San Fran made it clear that Californians really love VW Beetles. Our game of Punch Buggy was turned up a few intense notches as there were Bugs everywhere. Their ubiquitous nature made me hover my fist over Lynn's thigh as I drove or else I'd get beaten from the multitude of bulbous cars. Not only were there a ton of new Beetles, but I was simply amazed as to how many classic Beetles we stumbled across during our stay. I think we are lucky to spot a classic Beetle about once a month or 2 months during our regular game. At the end of our trip I counted that we came across 16 classic Beetles.

After our check in, we decided to walk around a little bit and found a place to eat in a small cafe in the area. We also stopped in some art galleries and had a look see. We went back to our hotel to have a little nap. That little snooze turned into a 4 hour coma. We woke around 7PM and composed ourselves and took a stroll towards Chinatown.

After a small missed turn we found ourselves at the famous gate to Chinatown of San Francisco. It was a majestic gate and it welcomed us as we walked up the hill. The rest of Chinatown was a huge disappointment. It was gift shop after gift shop. Most of the stuff was cheap as well. Of course that didn't stop us from making a few purchases. I did find a stone with a Chinese character of the word, "luck" written on it for a poker card cap. (to hold my cards in place so the dealer doesn't accidentally muck them when I'm in a hand) My wife also purchased an iron tea kettle and cups that was comely. I was surprised to find that there weren't very many restaurants at all. The first restaurant we came to immediately we avoided because I figured the first one you come upon had to have been bad or too expensive. After a few blocks of walking we realized that there weren't any more restaurants around until we finally found one on a steep hill at the end of Chinatown. Almost ravenous at that point we sat down and ordered up some of our favorites.

I can honestly say it was close to being some of the worst Chinese food I've had.

It seemed to be Americanized Chinese food. I guess they didn't get the memo that most of us nowadays prefer the authentic cuisine and not the overcooked, salty, and bland food that our parents liked. After our disappointing meal we grabbed a cab and had a rollercoater like ride back to our hotel. The hotel had a hip restaurant next door and we stopped in for a few drinks and then went to bed. The next day we were going to the Wharf and Alcatraz island.


to be continued...

Hatching a smoke

Just got back from my trip- don't have much time to tell you all about it yet, but a quick update- The baby birds are hatching!!